Do you regret having kids?

[Helena1993]

Just wondering

Not in general but one of mine - I wish I hadn't had. It's a long story. It's as much about that DC's suffering as the intense suffering that DC has inflicted on the family

I'll go back to work when she turns 1.
Therapy will probably be helpful. The therapist is amazing.

I've always been the kind of person who thought that asking for help is a sign of weakness. But that was dumb.
I'm finally asking my mum for help. She can only visit me twice a month though. Still better than no help at all.

It always helps to hear that things will get a little easier. The experience may be different for everyone but I imagine it gets better when she starts to talk and screams less to express her needs.

Some people warned me it gets harder when they crawl but my DD is so frustrated because she can only crawl backwards. I can't wait for her to become mobile and play with me.

I regret having them young, wish I had my 20s to just be me and enjoy life. If I could have the same children but later in life I'd of been happier.
But I don't regret them no.

I don't regret it but I can't say I've actively enjoyed it. I think it's a role I have 'done well' and I have worked very hard for the good of my DC. but I haven't really felt able to enjoy it. It feels like a very big responsibility. I sincerely regret the two limp specimens of DP that I ended up having them with. (Many of my nicer longer term DP were reluctant to commit younger so I probably settled for less later in life when I was in a hurry to have DC.) I've largely ended up being responsible for everything and only had a few years of sharing the responsibility so that probably hasn't helped.

I do regret having children. It is not an easy thing to admit but I really do. I have 4 children and honestly it has been so mentally exhausting, I know people must think why have no many but my partner at the time wanted them and I felt I should to make it work but it just brought more stress. I love them I really do and I will always support and guide them but having kids has made life so lonely I feel I don't exist as a women anymore and all I am is mum. I know people will think I'm bad but it's my honest feeling.

A little right now. My dd is only 6 weeks old and I had a shit birth and have since been in and out of drs for infections, mastitis, back problems. The sleepless nights are awful. Down there looks and feels like a train wreck. Time with dh/friends/ to myself feels like it will never be had again. Don’t get me wrong I love my child and when she smiles I forget all that. But I feel like a stranger in my own body and miss my old life.

This….100%

Give me 10 stroppy toddlers over a teenager any day. DS is coming up 14 and I love him to distraction but by god he is selfish, rude, entitled and quite frankly horrible plain most of the time. Hoping beyond hope it’s just a phase and I’ll get my lovely boy back in a few years but finding this stage incredibly hard

Absolutely. Up until 11 I would have said without doubt being a parent was the best thing I ever did. Of course I love them to distraction and could not imagine life without them but I find this stage so difficult and stressful, particularly as I’m doing it on my own

We don't want the stories and support 18 years later though. I don't see how that's useful, as you can read we all have our tough stages! Each age group differs for each mum....

6 weeks was the worst for me. At that age I didn't feel any love for my baby at all. Just regret and wondering what I got myself into. Breastfeeding failed, baby was colicky, I was bleeding and in pain. There was much more. But almost everything got better. Sleep/feeding/more fun

@Helena1993 thank you, it’s nice to hear a similar experience. I’m glad things got better for you - how old was dc when you started to feel better physically/mentally?

Sometimes.

Obviously now they are here I love them so much and would do anything for them.

But I massively underestimated just how difficult it is and how crushing the responsibility is.

Also, just the state of the world. It's all such a shitshow I dread to think what the future will hold for them.

I love the bones of them, but having spent the day ferrying them about to birthday parties and play dates and buying a jumper for eldests Christmas jumper day on Monday, and then getting slapped about by my two year old in Tesco because I had the audacity to drag him in there for two mins because we needed more milk.....yeah, times like that I regret it.

Further to my post above, forgot to add, I had no idea how none crushingly exhausting it would be.

They were both terrible sleepers for the first 18months. We are mostly through that now, although there is at least one wake up every night. But it's the relentless "mum! Mum! Mum! Look! Look mum! Mum look! Mum watch this! Watch! Watch!"

And then when you dare to blink or flick your eyes away for even a second "Aaag! You missed it!"

Complete lack of body autonomy. People climbing on you constantly, tugging at your clothes, fingers in your hair. It's so draining.

I work 3 days per week (long hours), but the times when I am with them they expect
and demand 100% of my focus and attention at all times and it is so draining. I don't think working is really compatible with having kids, they are just too demanding, but unfortunately that's how it is these days.

I found 8 weeks a little better because I got her into a routine. I bathed, massaged and fed her before bed. She then slept up to 4 hrs in a row because she knew it was bedtime.

She went on to sleep longer between night feeds. Bigger stomach = longer sleep.

It was then I realised the sling was very helpful. I just sat down in my office chair with her and watched YouTube for hours and she just slept happily. Sling + Dummy = ❤️
It may be stupid but it was then I realised my baby only cries when hungry or tired. I didn't know what was wrong before because she cried all the time and nothing seemed to fix it.

At about 10 weeks colicks stopped. So no more screaming for hours on end. I remember I think it was at 6 weeks I put baby down for a nap and I lay on the floor crying and begging for the baby to go 10 seconds without crying lol
I counted up to 10 and she didn't cry. That moment of peace saved my sanity

Well things got better at 12 weeks. Much much better for me personally. I'm not quite sure why. I think she became a little more aware. Sleep got a little better. My wounds were healing and I was finally not bleeding any longer. Much less crying too.

It got even better at 4 months and then the 4 month regression hit us hard. I recommend teaching the baby to sleep without help or you'll be up all night rocking and shushing.

5 months was even better. She started to roll over in both directions. But sleep was still meh. (my fault)

6 months. Even more fun. Baby is trying to crawl but going backwards. No more trouble eating but sleep still bad.

7 month old. Finally did some very gentle sleep training. She cried and I went in after a couple minutes. I didn't have to let her cry for more than 10 mins though. I think other parents have to wait much longer for it to work.
Now she wakes up once a night for quick feed. Smiles and giggles. Plays with toys and is learning to sit independently. It's pretty cool. But still quite boring.

There are new challenges but I think they are easy to handle compared to the insane stress of a newborn. The only 2 things that got a little worse were problems with weaning and that baby rolls around when I try to change diapers.

Sry for the long post. I'm heading to bed now. Hope she sleeps 6-hrs in a row today🤞

Btw I believe PND is nothing but a side effect of stress and lack of sleep. It makes you feel and think things you know aren't you.

Get as much help as you can from family and friends.

Why don’t you all just stop driving them about/letting them climb on you etc? There’s a lot of martyring going on in parenting now.

I've never regretted my kids for a moment. I find it fun, profoundly meaningful and often unexpectedly lovely. They put everything in perspective for me. It is, however, much much much harder than I'd expected. My other half is incredible and more than pulls 50% of
his weight on the domestic front. He's also a much higher earner than me and I know I'm lucky. All things considered, the highs are much much higher and the lows are much much lower than I'd expected!

@Helena1993 thank you. I hope things will be even half as well for me when at the stage you are now! Get some well deserved sleep. Fingers crossed for 6 hours for you.

It took me to the age of 39 to decide I wanted to have a child - essentially because I was worried I would regret not having one.

Luckily managed to conceive without too much difficulty, though had a stressful pregnancy.

Now she’s here I feel completely in love. Her little face is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, and I live to see her smile.

But I find it hard, and get really fed up at times.

I don’t regret having her - how could I? She’s amazing. But I do mourn aspects of my old life, and in particular my freedom.

I sometimes wonder if I’m up to the task in the long term though, particularly being an older mum.

I could have had a happy life I’d if never had her, but now I do I would never wish her away. However hard it is, I’ve never felt love like it.

Yes, I do. Ds is amazing, a truly awesome boy. But for me, the hard stuff outweighs the joyful stuff. Being entirely responsible for another little human is exhausting, and I miss my child free years very much. If I could go back in time, I'd stay childless.

How old is he?

I don't regret it but my god it's harder than I could ever have imagined and I used to work in childcare with 16+ 2-3 year olds a day.

No I don't regret it. I was 21 having my first and 26 having my second.

Am 37 now and just cannot imagine having little ones now. The whole lifestyle change that I saw my sister had to cope with when she had them in her 30s etc...just don't think I'd have done very well dealing with that.

As it was my husband and i threw ourselves into parenting in my 20s in order to provide the life we wanted for our kids.

I do as I feel like I missed out on a lot becoming a parent. Plus I’m a huge introvert so I love my alone time and doing my own thing, so that has been tough. Luckily she’s grown now so it’s not as bad. I’m glad I only had one 😂

Oops I forgot to tag the right person. I have days where I regret it and cry to my husband that I wish I never had her. Yup...
And some days I love her so much I can't imagine my life without her.
As time passes it's tipping to mainly enjoyable. The smiles and giggles are just the best. And I feel like I used to waste my life before I had her. Now my life has much more meaning

I lost several babies and struggled for years to have the ones I have now and I do think that plays a significant part in the lack of regret I feel. Sometimes I look at those that I hear say they regret having their children and think you probably never struggled to conceive or lost a pregnancy or child. I would never wish what I went through on anyone but it certainly has changed the way I look at my children - I don't regret a second I'm just glad they are here and they are mine