Do you regret having kids?

[Helena1993]

Just wondering

Not for a second, there may be times they drive me mad but I’ve never been happier in my life.

I regret the person I had my child to! Not actually sure I would roll the dice even if I could though!

What a lovely post 💐

Yes I do. There was a nice stage - I think it was between 4 and 7 but apart from that it's been a daily regret. Now all teens and it's death by a thousand papercuts.

No. Life can be very hard and I do occasionally fantasise about running away to a hotel for a week but I know I’d miss them after 48 hours of solid sleep and room service!
I wish I’d had them in more stable circumstances and been able to give them more stability but I don’t regret them for a minute.

No but i think that’s because I had them at 21,23 & 26. I feel like I will get a lot of my life back whilst I’m still young enough to enjoy it.
In my 40s my kids will be adults.

I absolutely love my children and enjoy being a parent. All my children appear very content now they are older but it was hard work and all consuming.
The only time I ever have a twinge of what might have been, is when I am with my child free friends and encounter their fabulous lifestyle and I do mean fabulous. If I had not have had children then I would have perused my career and ear t a shed load of money. As it was the career was incompatible with motherhood for me.
But you cannot have everything. Overall I’m glad I chose to be a mother. I would have preferred to have been younger but that choice was taken from me as it took a long time to fall pregnant.

I think this was a big part of it ‘back in the day’.

I’m not wishing the here and now away. But I’m grateful and optimistic to know that after my kids have hopefully gained independence I will be late 40s and plan to do some travelling, take nice holidays, weekends away with girlfriends etc. Fingers crossed.

@Helena1993 wouldn't let me quote your post but it's still such early days at 7 months, and so hard to imagine the future / things getting easier. If you'd asked me in the newborn days I think I could have said yes I regret this, I had pnd but no help for it because I was too ashamed to admit to anyone how I was feeling. The pressure as a new mum is huge, I wasn't prepared for it and I'd always heard from everyone how amazing having a baby is, not how hard it is. I was the first of my friends to have a baby and so it had been my mum, mil, grandma, aunties etc who had always told anecdotes of loving sitting there all day and night breastfeeding in bliss and feeling like the luckiest person alive. The loving the new baby smell, sniffing the baby's head thing never happened for me and when people with older or adult dc say it around me I just smile and nod feeling rather awkward that I don't feel the same.
I agree with a pp about the social construct of motherhood, it makes it so much harder, especially if you don't fit that traditional ideology, there's a lot of shame for me still about not feeling how I "should have" in the early days. I loved dd but in the newborn stage I felt like I was falling apart, and constantly thought I can't do this.
Things changed for me as she got older and got better and easier, but it hasn't been plain sailing. Dh was working long hours and commuting, we've never had family help or support and I used to feel really envious of people who did, especially those with close relationships with their mums 😞 Dd hasn't been easy, she had sleep issues and couldn't sleep alone between ages 3-4 which was bloody hard. She was very good at masking at school but eventually diagnosed with ASD at 9. She's 12 now and despite the hard parts she's my world, we have a lovely bond and words can't describe how much I love her really. I couldn't have any more dc because of fertility issues and health conditions I have but I'm happy with our family of 3, it feels right for us. I only would have had a 2nd if I'd been able to to give dd a sibling, because I'd have felt like it was the right thing to do free

Not free! That definitely wouldn't have been the right reason to have another though if I'd been able to

Not at all. They drive me crazy sometimes but I enjoy the chaos in a strange way and if I was younger I think I'd even want a third.

Nothing prepares you for it. It is very very hard. You are not alone though, I could have written this.

My kids are 7 and 4 and I'll be honest some days when they're arguing and fighting it's absolutely horrendous and I wonder why on earth I bothered!!

I'm dreading the holidays at Christmas if I'm honest I'm trying to arrange some play dates and stuff

We have no family support and my partner works most weekend as it makes the childcare we need affordable so I feel like a single parent a lot of the time and it's a lonely place to be.

If I had my time again would I have kids? I love them both but the constant arguing is awful and just drains me - I take paracetamols daily with constant shouting and bickering drives me to distraction

Maybe one is ideal as nobody to fight with and argue with

Ah she's still so young! And doesn't sound easy with having no help. I had no help either, it's not easy I know.
Therapy sounds like a positive step forward.
Could you possibly go back to work?
I promise you it will get easier as time goes on & your child gets older.

No regrets at all, the baby years were the worst of my life but still no regrets as he has been wonderful ever since. But also absolutely no regrets that I only had one.

The baby years for me were easier than the toddler and school ages both good as babies - just goes to show everyone has different struggles at different ages and all kids are different.

I hate feeling like this Ill be honest I struggle with it and im just looking online at holiday clubs for Christmas holidays as the childminder has 2 weeks off - I have some time off but the thought of them being off for 2 weeks arguing with each other makes my blood run cold. I feel sick at the thought of it to be honest

Despite horrible sleep deprivation (baby) that leaves me feeling like a zombie and the constant mess of 3 kids, I have never once regretted having children. I feel like I took to motherhood very naturally and was really ready to leave my childfree lifestyle behind. I have always wanted to be a mother and am so glad I did it. My children bring such joy to my life, even if I'm going through a very testing time with not having a minute to myself and knowing that every night I will be sleeping terribly.

No not all. I put it off until I was 40 but absolutely love it! I’ve found it all pretty easy though to be fair.

I actually know a lady who had 2 kids and their arguing was so bad it basically broke her marriage down so they separated and have 1 child each she said it was the best move for everyone they still get together but for limited amounts of time

That's not for me but I am feeling it today I'm at my wits end partner at work until 8pm so help me god!!!

I always think you need to ask people if they regret having children when they have done at least 18 years parenting

Could be a completely different answer then when you have a baby or young child.

I always think you need to ask people if they regret having children when they have done at least 18 years parenting

And I'm sure some people with children of 30+ will say you're not allowed an opinion until you have grandchildren. Every mother is allowed an opinion at whatever stage she is at, and that opinion may well change (multiple times) I hate how these types of threads always descend into patronising digs towards mothers earlier on in the process. Like you're gleefully waiting for them to meet their demise, it's horrid.

Yes I do. Honestly I don't think I'm very good at it. I try, really try but I'm failing miserably.

@bekindtome how old are your children? It can be tough. It doesn't only depend on what type of father you have your kids to but family support too and finical these can sway everyone's experiences.

No I don't my kids are my everything,I love them more than anything I regret who I had them with & wish I'd have chosen better, though the relationship was good to begin with but then again my kids wouldn't be them with a different dad. I have 2 beautiful cheeky boys & they can be hard work but they are so worth it ❤️

Swop the playdate for a ball pool place at 7 your child has understanding. You should be able to sit with a coffee and mainly watch the younger one.