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Do you regret having kids?

130 replies

Helena1993 · 03/12/2022 08:38

Just wondering

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CakeCrumbs44 · 03/12/2022 09:10

Not at All. They're the best :)

tigerlily0 · 03/12/2022 09:10

I never longed for kids but knew I wanted kids once married and felt ready. I had nephews and nieces so knew how it goes. Iv got 2 and 3rd on the way. Never ever regretted it, I'm not a typical mummsy mum but I absolutely dote on my kids and they do annoy me at best of times but I literally couldn't imagine life without them. Empty basically.

caroleanboneparte · 03/12/2022 09:14

It not the actual being a mother.

It's the social construction of motherhood I regret.

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WhatIsThisPlease · 03/12/2022 09:17

No. Never.

ExH left when I was 8 months pregnant with second so raises them both completely alone.

They were/are the best thing in my life. They're 16 and 18 now and continue to bring actual joy into my life every day.

Am aware that this could sound sarcastic but totally genuine post.

Xtraincome · 03/12/2022 09:18

Don't regret having kids at all. Best decision ever. But, I wish it had been easier, you know, adult life, around it.
I am an incredibly chill person and enjoy an easy life but between home ownership being a pile of crap, living with DM for 2 years (my fault for thinking it was a good idea), living in a sub-par area just because we needed out of London, I found motherhood trickier than I expected. I am now in a new FT job I love with the DDs at school and am really happy juggling it all. When we leave this house, life will be better.
DH is a great Dad and husband It's the other things that haven't been right for years around our direct family.
It's a delicate act I feel and so much can impact people's feelings of regret about big life decisions.

Ncgirlseriously · 03/12/2022 09:20

No, I was always sure I’d have kids. Though having my son made me realise I only want one child, when previously I had thought I wanted two. Just because my family feels complete with him now.

Whityedain · 03/12/2022 09:21

ClosedDoor · 03/12/2022 08:55

Yes I do. It has been a massive struggle for 19 years. XP is a narcissist and I suffered EA at his hands.

DC both have mental health issues, he’s turned them both against me over the last couple of years. I no longer see either of my children, it feels like they’re lost to me. I pay the full amount prescribed for both of them - one last year of apprenticeship and another second year of A levels. I live a frugal existence to do this. XP never paid me a penny for seven years. I was so relieved to be out of the relationship that I never asked him for money for our kids.

My ex is also a narcissist and I really fear that this is going to happen to me. We have been separated since they were very young and it's been incredibly tough. No regrets though yet, but that may come. I thought it was so important to have their father in their lives that I have facilitated it, but now I'm starting to think I have made a mistake by keeping contact up. He lives in a very damp and horrible flat it a rough area and insists on only seeing them there (my son as Asthma) and I don't know how to stop it now. They love him and would be devastated if I didn't let them go there. He refuses to spend time with them anywhere but his flat.

dancingqueen123 · 03/12/2022 09:29

No.
I adore my cherubs! 👼🏽👼🏽👼🏽👼🏽

Comedycook · 03/12/2022 09:31

In the grand scheme of life...no.

Have I had moments where I've thought, I wish I had never done this? Yes, all the time 😂

The good bits are amazing and the bad bits are horrendous!

CatByDay · 03/12/2022 09:33

Ask me again tomorrow. My teenage daughter is bloody hard work and today I'm struggling.

FlairBand · 03/12/2022 09:34

No. I have two and would have liked at least one more but timing didn’t work out for us.

Helena1993 · 03/12/2022 09:36

LaTangerina · 03/12/2022 08:50

Do you?
If so how old are they?

Sometimes. She's 7 months and I'm still struggling with sleep deprivation and stuff but on most days I'm happy to watch her grow. She's so cute! I may have PPD and starting therapy soon.
I think I love my baby but I don't like the circumstances. No help from husband/family. And I miss my job. I loved going to work and I thought I'd enjoy being a mum more...

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Disneyblueeyes · 03/12/2022 09:37

A little bit yes. I've lost so much of myself since becoming a mother.

Theydoyaknow · 03/12/2022 09:37

Never regretted it until they were teenagers. I find this stage very hard.

user564576 · 03/12/2022 09:37

No I don't. I did when I had PND but that was short lived thankfully. It's hard and often a thankless task, but I wouldn't do anything differently. Plus there's no way you'd have convinced me before hand not to have kids so it's a pointless question for me, must be different for those who were on the fence.

What I do feel though is lucky, I didn't realise how much of a roll of a dice it is every time you you have a child. Seeing friends and family have children with additional needs or health concerns, or difficult births etc, I realise how challenging life would be if we'd been dealt another hand. It's one of the main reasons (amongst many) I wouldn't throw the dice again! And I struggle to comprehend people who go on to have more than 2, especially with big gaps. The older I get the more I realise the risks.

Comedycook · 03/12/2022 09:41

Theydoyaknow · 03/12/2022 09:37

Never regretted it until they were teenagers. I find this stage very hard.

I can totally relate to this. There is (quite rightly) support and understanding for new mums but honestly the teenage years have been horrendous for my mental health and general well being but there's never much said about being a mum of a teen.

SpinningFloppa · 03/12/2022 09:42

Yes but I’m a Lone parent and if I knew I was going to be a lone parent I wouldn’t have had children

Jexi · 03/12/2022 09:45

Comedycook · 03/12/2022 09:31

In the grand scheme of life...no.

Have I had moments where I've thought, I wish I had never done this? Yes, all the time 😂

The good bits are amazing and the bad bits are horrendous!

Exactly this.

My eldest was a dream. I adord motherhood. Fast forward to DC2 who has SEN and can display challenging behaviour and I often find myself thinking why tf did I do this to myself 🙈

But I still don't regret it. It's a lot more difficult than I thought but that could be because of the circumstances.

I also agree about the teenager thing. I never really thought about that part of parenting. Now I'm in it and woah. It's very different. No reward charts or time outs are going to help. I find I need to completely adapt my parenting.

Minniem2020 · 03/12/2022 09:57

Not at all and wish I could have more.

TheWayTheLightFalls · 03/12/2022 09:58

A bit. I resent the parts of myself that don't get an airing/matter, while I deal with sleep deprivation and bodily fluids. I'm wishing away their young childhoods, quite consciously. I hope I'm still in there somewhere when they stop needing to have their asses wiped.

Hangupsrus · 03/12/2022 10:02

Yes, and I've got 3. Love them beyond words but if I'd had insight into how life would be beforehand I'd never have had any. I also think you will get less people commenting to admit that they regret it than those who are saying they don't.

Twoshoesnewshoes · 03/12/2022 10:04

@WhoopItUp thats really lovely.
I don’t regret it at all, I have 3 amazing DCs.
there have been ups and downs of course, but I had mine when I was young so my life was still evolving and my expectations were lower! It was good fun.
and now they’re all big and I’m still in bed at 10.00 on a Saturday morning with a cat on my lap…. All good.

GroggyLegs · 03/12/2022 10:05

Not for one moment.

They're challenging, but at the moment (6&8) an absolute joy.

I appreciate things can change.

Helena1993 · 03/12/2022 10:08

Hangupsrus · 03/12/2022 10:02

Yes, and I've got 3. Love them beyond words but if I'd had insight into how life would be beforehand I'd never have had any. I also think you will get less people commenting to admit that they regret it than those who are saying they don't.

It you don't like it. Why did you choose to have 3?

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Helena1993 · 03/12/2022 10:09

TheWayTheLightFalls · 03/12/2022 09:58

A bit. I resent the parts of myself that don't get an airing/matter, while I deal with sleep deprivation and bodily fluids. I'm wishing away their young childhoods, quite consciously. I hope I'm still in there somewhere when they stop needing to have their asses wiped.

Your child is still an infant right?

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