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Original poster

MIL put dd's life in danger, she thinks it's funny

103 replies

sarsums · 31/01/2008 20:20

Hi, I'd really appreciate some opinions on this. Am I over reacting??

My MIL looks after my 1 year old daughter every Thursday. Today she and grandad took her out in their van (he's a builder) without a car seat. MIL held her in the front seat. She knew that I wouldn't be happy with this as she 'let it slip' to me that they did this, and had a joke with dd that they "weren't going to tell mummy".
At the time I was cross in my head, but I'm a total wimp and didn't say anything. Now I'm upset and fuming.
I think it shows complete lack of respect for me, and a lack of responsibility with my daughter's life. What would you do?

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sherbydrivinginhercar · 31/01/2008 20:21

I would be furious, absolutely fucking furious.

Bky · 31/01/2008 20:22

Well if it were me I wouldn't be taking her back again next Thursday.....sorry I know that completely unhelpful but is what I would do.

MrsMag · 31/01/2008 20:23

I would also be f*cking furious and make it clear that I would NEVER allow her to look after her again if that was ever repeated.

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berolina · 31/01/2008 20:23

If I could avoid it, they would not be having my child again.

TheMadHouse · 31/01/2008 20:23

I would not let them look after my child again TBH.

I have a few rules and this is one of them.

I think that you DH needs to tell them how disapointed he is in them and that this is unacceptable behaviour and there is no excuse for endangering her life.

morningpaper · 31/01/2008 20:24

I think it shows complete lack of respect for me, and a lack of responsibility with my daughter's life.

I think you are right

Bky · 31/01/2008 20:24

Why did they go out in the van, was it a life or death trip that couldn't be avoided or just a trip which didn't really need to happen?

If the latter she would def not be going back if it were my DD.

fletchaaarr · 31/01/2008 20:24

incandescently irate would be my reaction

so much so that my spelling would be bad

clur79 · 31/01/2008 20:24

No, you are not over-reacting. I would be furious...

llareggub · 31/01/2008 20:24

What an irresponsible woman. I would be looking for alternative childcare as she clearly cannot be left with MIL.

Unless of course, you feel that you can make her see the error of her ways? I'd find it difficult to trust her tbh

Why don't you buy a carseat for MIL to use?

edam · 31/01/2008 20:24

You have every right to be flaming furious. How dare she?! Cancel next Thurs right now - MIL has broken your trust. As well as the law.

You should have a very firm but polite conversation with MIL where you say A. what she did was downright wrong, unlawful and dangerous. B. that you are appalled that she tried to lie to you about it. And C. as a result you cannot place dd in her care. If MIL backs down, acknowleges that she was wrong and convinces you she will never been so bleeding stupid every again, you might think about it.

saadia · 31/01/2008 20:24

I would ask her not to do it again and tell her that it is extremely dangerous and illegal. I myself was once involved in an accident with ds2 in the back and he was thankfully completely unharmed thanks to being strapped in to a car seat. I feel very strongly about this and would also have been fuming if someone had done that with my one year old.

Lomond · 31/01/2008 20:24

Agree with sherby and bky. No way would I take her back. You have to say something to them!

jaynehaterisnolongerworkshy · 31/01/2008 20:24

Show her this [ thanks, granny]

for you.

luckylady74 · 31/01/2008 20:25

can you get dh to bring this up?i get dh to deal with his parents when it's a negative. It makes me feelsick tbh - it's my place to make rash decisions or not about my child.

Habbibu · 31/01/2008 20:25

Bloody hell. And she wasn't even going to tell you? I'd be raging. What are your other options for Thursday?

NoNickname · 31/01/2008 20:25

Your post title is right - she put your DD's life in danger. You are absolutely not over-reacting. And if there was a suitable car seat available, then she was also breaking the law.

jaynehaterisnolongerworkshy · 31/01/2008 20:25

one day I'll suss links once and for all

madamez · 31/01/2008 20:26

You know, travelling without a car seat isn;t an instant, automatic death sentence. IF the likelihood of every car journey involving an accident were that high, then surely the answer would be to stop using cars in the first place. Only about two generations ago (well, in my childhood, anyway) there were no car seats, and the population wasn't noticably decimated. However, you could point out to your PIL that they were breaking the law and your FIL could lose his licence over it as a good way to stop them doing it again. Or you could buy them a car seat to use when they are looking after your DD.

fairylights · 31/01/2008 20:27

ditto to everything everyone else has said..
you are totally justified in being outraged..
times have changed from when she had kids, my mum often says how she can't believe now that for the first few months of our lives she just chucked our moses basket on the back seat, no straps or anything. Maybe your MIL is still thinking like that?
I'd go with edam's advice.

sherbydrivinginhercar · 31/01/2008 20:27

Aside from the danger issues I would also be very annoyed that she thinks it is okay to teach DD that she can keep secrets from you. This is also a big no no in our family. Does she just think it is not a serious issue or does she just not care?

DoodleToYou · 31/01/2008 20:28

Message withdrawn

sherbydrivinginhercar · 31/01/2008 20:29

Madamez I agree, I don't use child seats if we use a taxi for example. But I think in this case the mil has shown no regard for the law or her grandchilds safety. In fact it sounds like she thinks it is all a big joke.

Not on at all.

fairylights · 31/01/2008 20:29

ps i heard on the radio today that the government reckons that something silly like 600,000 lives have have been saved since seatbelts were made legal 25 years ago - there is a reason for them!

drivinmecrazy · 31/01/2008 20:30

Similar thing with my MIL. She insists it's safe for 2 yo to sit in middle seat on pull down arm rest. She makes me feel really neurotic when I say I would rather she puts car seat in, only takes a few moments. She keeps insisting she did it with her other grand children, and they survived.

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