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Original poster

MIL put dd's life in danger, she thinks it's funny

103 replies

sarsums · 31/01/2008 20:20

Hi, I'd really appreciate some opinions on this. Am I over reacting??

My MIL looks after my 1 year old daughter every Thursday. Today she and grandad took her out in their van (he's a builder) without a car seat. MIL held her in the front seat. She knew that I wouldn't be happy with this as she 'let it slip' to me that they did this, and had a joke with dd that they "weren't going to tell mummy".
At the time I was cross in my head, but I'm a total wimp and didn't say anything. Now I'm upset and fuming.
I think it shows complete lack of respect for me, and a lack of responsibility with my daughter's life. What would you do?

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Candlewax · 31/01/2008 22:05

I have always told my children, if there is no seat belt, they don't get in the car! I would be absolutely furious if I thought someone was taking my LO in a car with no seat belt whatsoever. I am afraid to say that I would tell them so, or at least I would get my DH to tell them so. It IS dangerous and in the event of an accident, your child could have gone through the windscreen and been killed! I cannot belive they joked about this! It must be because they KNEW it was wrong!

BITCAT · 31/01/2008 22:09

I would also be very angry that mil encouraged my child to lie to me, that is what it amounts to!!!

AitchTwoOh · 31/01/2008 22:14

to be fair, the baby is only a year old, and she DID tell you. i'd be cross, sure, and a bit weirded by the heaven thing but let's keep it in perspective.

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AitchTwoOh · 31/01/2008 22:14

i mean the baby is only a year old so not exactly capable of participating in a conspiracy.

yummylittlelapin · 31/01/2008 22:17

I was just about to ask if you had gone mad, Aitch! (before you qualified your previous comment)

bookwormmum · 31/01/2008 22:21

The heaven comment is creepy admittedly. Some peeople are in denial about babyseats and the necessity for them now. It's really a case of education education and more education.... or don't leave your baby with them. Could you address it with your PIL - as a builder he must be used to obeying safety laws?

alfiesbabe · 31/01/2008 22:50

Bloody hell. Why do you let this woman care for your child??

Janni · 31/01/2008 23:04

I think the approach advocated by Missingthe action is a good one, given that this is a long term relationship, not one that can be easily terminated.

MeMySonAndI · 31/01/2008 23:09

That sounds like exMIL, finding amusing to break the rules totally ignoring the fact that she is endangering our son. Hence, we never trusted her to leave DS with her on their own. If I were you, I would do the same.

edam · 31/01/2008 23:17

I don't think there's anything at all po-faced in being outraged that someone put your child in a car without a car seat. Horrendously dangerous. And they knew full well it was wrong.

Jackstini · 31/01/2008 23:27

Good link IvyKaty
Sarsums - print it out for your MIL and see if it shocks some sense into her.
I would be absolutely fucking fuming and would not let dd near her again until she had apologised and promised to respect your rules in future.
No wonder you were shaking - imagining what could have happened (especially after her stupid comment), is just unthinkable.
Have a calming drink and deal with her tomorrow when you've slept on it

mrsgboring · 01/02/2008 21:25

Dunno if this has already been said. I believe it's something big like nine points on your licence if caught.

I find there's no point in preaching the safety thing to someone who's too boneheaded to believe it, so I go for the "you could get nicked" line. Also blind fury at doing something so stupid; I wouldn't be able to help it.

Of course there are those who are impervious to the law argument too, and there's no reasoning

lucyellensmum · 01/02/2008 22:22

i guess the question has to be, do you trust them not to do it again? if not, then i wouldnt leave her with them again.

morocco · 01/02/2008 22:40

over reacting? no way

what would I do? look for a nursery or childminder to look after her on the thursdays. bet this is not going to be the only issue you have and if your wishes are not respected or you can't trust them to listen to what you are saying, then your dd is going to be put in more dangerous situations. it's not like you're being uptight here, it's such a serious issue there's also a law about it (unlike, say, the feeding of greggs sausage rolls to babies or other 'aibu' topics). some pil are just not very good with small children and safety, much as they love them

paddyclamp · 02/02/2008 14:57

I think you deserve a medal for not murdering the woman!!!!

threestars · 03/02/2008 23:44

I would ask the mil what else is she telling my child not to tell me?
My pil did this a couple of times, knowing it crazed me. In the end I made sure they had a carseat kept in the back of their car, and reminded them that no matter how 'well' they drove, they can't vouch for other car users. Since then, they have had an old man drive straight into their car because his foot got stuck under the brake pedal, and they understand now that it's not my critcism of their driving.
As for looking after your child in heaven, . A complete disregard for your feelings, for reality, for the seriousness of the issue, and if she'd caused the death of your child in real life ...can't expect she'd deserve a place in heaven next to her.

Scramble · 03/02/2008 23:50

I know how you feel sometimes you have to make your feelings known and hope they don't do it again.

Not life and death but I came in to pick up DD at PIL and found them all watching NCSI, now most of the pre watershed ones are not too gory, but this was a post watershed and involved a rape amoungst other things, I said you have to watch as some of the later ones aren't to great, She said oh its fine its only NCSI, I said I wasn't happy as it was about rape etc, she said oh DD isn't bothered I said "I AM!", she tried to make out she wasn't watching it, now DD was sprwaled out on the floor infront of the TV and stared at the TV everytime it got a bit shouty or loud .

Wotz · 04/02/2008 00:04

I find it hard to believe that any adult would do this, however your MIL did. You are right to be upset and fuming.

If it were me, I would say to MIL that it shows a complete lack of responsibility and judgement and you would expect it never to happen again. Also mention that as your dd gets older she will be able to tell you what goes on even if MIL tells your dd to keep it a secret, because you will bring your child up how you see fit.

Have you asked her what was so important to risk your dds life? If she says you are being silly, say that you are not the one breaking the law - you crazy old cow.
You can leave that last bit out if you want to.

Scramble · 04/02/2008 00:20

It is a generation thing though, previous decades they didn't have all the regulations on carseats, if she isn't used to transporting children in tthe last couple of decades then it may not appear as serious to her, you probably rattled about with no seatbelt as a kid never mind a car seat.

Not an excuse for doing it though.

SnappyLaGore · 04/02/2008 00:25

anyone got a link to something to show exactly what seat requirements/recommendations there are for different ages/sizes please?

ItsNeverTooEarlyForPopcorn · 04/02/2008 01:41

My family think I'm over the top wrt car seats.

They think that a booster seat and a seat belt is sufficient for a 35lb (2.5 stone) 3 year old.

If something happened to my dds while they were not properly secured my family wouldn't forgive themselves.

Isn't it right to do everything in your power to protect your child?

ItsNeverTooEarlyForPopcorn · 04/02/2008 01:53

link for car safety

Broodymomma · 04/02/2008 14:55

I have to agree with everyone else - no way would she be having my child again. What a horrid situation to be in xx

SnappyLaGore · 04/02/2008 16:36

can anyone clarify for me whether it is dangerous for larger babies/children to face rearward... in a proper seat i mean... i have a caravelle and two seats face backwards most of the time... i can turn them round and will if neccessary, but i assumed facing backwards would be, if anything, safer.
none of the literature is clear on the subject. they usually state ; 'once child is too heavy for infant carrier, they should face forward in normal seat' or words to that effect...

Wotz · 04/02/2008 19:08

Scramble I do see that some older drivers might not be aware of all the new car regulations.

Also some classic cars built pre-1973 do not require road tax and seat belts would not be fitted when built anyway HOWEVER there are still rules for carrying small children see here
Where it says:
A child under 3 years old may not travel in cars, vans or goods vehicles which do not have seat belts installed. if there are no seat belts fitted in the vehicle, then a child under 3 years old may not travel in it.

Sorry Nappies not sure about your rearfacing regulations. Maybe use the link and have a look at the site.

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