I would only have a child if we became millionaires

[bananafoams]

I've never been a particularly maternal person and have never wanted children, but now I'm getting a bit older (34, husband is 42) it's a topic that is on my mind a lot.
I know that time is ticking away, and so I want to make sure that not having children is the correct path for us and everything is definitely stacked towards not becoming parents - including the fact that we love our freedom and disposable money.
I have to say though the one thing that would possibly persuade me is if we became millionaires as then we could afford a nanny and other things that would mean we could still enjoy some free time etc.
Husband owns a business that when he sells would make put us in this category (on the single figure side) but that won't be for a few years.
I'm very happy with us not ever having kids, but society is so pushy for people to become parents that you can't help but question if it's the right thing to do.

Any one else think the same?

If you don't want them, then you don't have to. Do you feel you would want them in the future?

No. Not in the slightest. And I really don't understand when people claim that Society is pushy about eveyrone becomign parents...there is endless talk about how many people are childfree and what a valid option it is and how its irresponsible to have children etc etc. Not having kids is a perfectly normal thing, its not radical or odd or special, and no-one really cares whether you do or don't.

I've never wanted them and have never seen them in my future, I just guess I'm at that age were it's becoming a pressing question - so I'm asking it of myself to make sure I'm happy with the answer.

Yeah you shouldn't have kids. If the only way you'd want to have them is if you could pay for someone else to facilitate you maintaining your lifestyle, it doesn't sound like you're in the right headspace.

Well said Molli

If you dont want them, dont have them.

I don't think it's radical and I am part of many childfree groups. I'm also under no illusion that anyone really cares, my genes will not be missed by society! I'm just curiously asking a question

I think you're in the position to be a really cool aunt.

This is what I say to myself! The only way I'd want them is with 'help'.

Having children with money is much easier than without.

However, if you can’t see yourself having children without sufficient staff, then you should not have children. Even with the best help, you will need to be present and available.

Feels more like you're asking a load of randoms on the Internet to reassure you that you're making the right decision. Which is totally stupid, obviously.

Just wanted to say that I thought you did sound quite old and then suddenly realised me and DP are exactly the same age as you hahahaha - oh dear 😂😂😂

Don't do it if you don't want to. I know society can be a bit about women who make a decision not to have children, but tbh I think women who make that decision often put a lot more thought into it than women who perhaps have kids because it's just what you do, or it's the next step or somesuch.

More and more women are deciding not to have children for many reasons, including financial. Absolutely no-one else's business but your's and DH's.

Haha, I suppose I am asking for reassurance - humans need that from time to time!

You have stated you have never seen children in your future , in that case please don't . I'm getting the impression if you did have them it would be because you feel you should and a nanny would be doing the bulk of the care , not because you genuinely want to be a mother .

I wouldn’t have them under these circumstances. I don’t think it would be fair on the child having them and basically handing them over to a nanny. It’s a perfectly valid choice to make.

If you know you like your freedom and disposable income and that kind of lifestyle you are making a smart choice. I had parents who were completely devoted to mine and my siblings interests and hobbies, I’m the same with my child now. I felt sorry for friends who had parents who obviously weren’t.

Unlike some I don’t think it’s a sin to want to have a child but also still have free time/time to pursue your hobbies and goals. Much easier with just one child.

I don’t think you’d need to be a millionaire for it, if you’re already fairly well off. Depends on a few factors - do you have a career you’d want to continue? Do you have potential grandparent support?

From about 18 months little one would be happy in nursery a few days a week. From about 2.5-3 they’re happy in full-time nursery, and then it’s school in the week. From school age they can enjoy weekend hobbies that could give you e.g. your Saturday mornings to yourself. You can obviously afford babysitters for an evening off. They could go for a weekend stay at grandmas once a month.

That’s about the level of free time you’re looking at. If that sounds good to you (and you want to have a child!) then go for it.

If you’re dreaming of paying for a full time nanny to have your child every day after school, all through the holidays, that sort of thing, then I don’t think it’s fair on the child.

Yes, I have thought about it a lot! What we would have to offer as parents, what our financial position is like, what type of world we could be bringing a child into ad infinitum. And I have a growing group of childfree friends.

OK so here let me give you the reassurance you need.....
You really are right in deciding to not go forward with having children, you admit you aren't maternal and it isn't something you've ever wanted or see for the future. Should you become millionaires, I would like to offer my reassurance now that, this decision remains the best, as in, not to have them. Its really depressing having parents who delegate all their child rearing responsibilities so that they can continue living life as they did before they had children. I mean sure people do it, and sure you'd be able to pay for your child's future therapy, but it's seems more sensible to continue living the life you want without the child you don't want, if you see what I mean.

I'm not very maternal either but had them because I wanted older kids. I'd have a think about if you definitely don't want them at all ages but it's totally ok to say you don't and actually being a cool aunt sounds amazing. You can always do things like mentoring and volunteering with kids if you want a middle ground.

But to answer your question, if you would have kids if you had enough money then perhaps you do want kids? We hear so many nightmare stories about how difficult it is that I can fully empathise with wanting to only embark on the journey if you could afford support, if family support wasn’t an option. But if that’s all that’s holding you back then wouldn’t it be sad to finally be in a financial position for kids but not be able to have them? If you think DPs business will eventually afford you that lifestyle?

I agree with this.
Id love more help and being a rich parent is definitely easier than a poorer one, but being decidedly NOT a millionaire hasn’t changed my happiness about the decision to have children. I wanted my children because I wanted them. I sort of think if you have to weigh up the pros and cons you’re already not really wanting them because on paper the cons will always outweigh the pros. It has to be heart thing.

I wouldn’t do it if you'll need to rely on a nanny. Nor if you wouldn’t have disposable income.

I know for sure I want adult kids when I’m old, which is why I would want them!!

@InBlue Thank you - that's a very helpful reply.