I would only have a child if we became millionaires

[bananafoams]

I've never been a particularly maternal person and have never wanted children, but now I'm getting a bit older (34, husband is 42) it's a topic that is on my mind a lot.
I know that time is ticking away, and so I want to make sure that not having children is the correct path for us and everything is definitely stacked towards not becoming parents - including the fact that we love our freedom and disposable money.
I have to say though the one thing that would possibly persuade me is if we became millionaires as then we could afford a nanny and other things that would mean we could still enjoy some free time etc.
Husband owns a business that when he sells would make put us in this category (on the single figure side) but that won't be for a few years.
I'm very happy with us not ever having kids, but society is so pushy for people to become parents that you can't help but question if it's the right thing to do.

Any one else think the same?

I’m a millionaire and childfree- they’re not mutually exclusive.

The only reason you should ever contemplate having a child is because you really, really want a child. Then the practicalities should be considered to see if it makes sense.

Not having children is amazing.

@Moanycowbag Yes, I think that's it - it's a definite wobble. It's a permanent decision you can't change whichever way you go

Having a nanny is fine. Childcare is fine. Not all children can access childcare/nannies due to SEN, other disabilities, significant health issues. Or they can only meet some of their needs.

I wouldn’t have them unless you really want them.
Even if you have help with the children like we did, I don’t think it’s as simple as you get support and then you can carry on, mentally it’s very different.
I’m not sure how it is for other people, but even if mine were well looked after, and safe and the activity I was doing I was enjoying, I would always feel a massive tug to get back to them as soon as I could especially in the younger years. Which did impact on my lifestyle and free time, which was no longer free really, as I’d be thinking about them, what they need, felt etc etc the whole time lol.

@Sittingonabench I think about this sooooo much!

This!! 100%

Exactly, yes, and for me I know that not having them was entirely correct, it's not like you can return a child or flog it on eBay if it become clear it was a mistake, flippant I know but that's how I view it.

I don't think anything is wrong with this. I'm a nanny and the only way I'd be able to have children is with help.

I work for a very wealthy family who has several nannies. Mum is also around a lot too and very hands on. She loves her children, and they are surrounded by many people who love them.

@XingMing So you had never wanted children at all before?

Honestly, when you have children you don't want to just stick them with a nanny while you do your own thing. You want to bring them along with you, and see their enjoyment as they explore the world. I remember saying I'd definitely leave my hypothetical children with my parents while I went for weekends away with my husband. In reality a night away from him tears me apart.

But yeah I don't think you should have children if you don't want them. I am a bit sick of child free people acting like some oppressed minority though. I spend approximately 0% of my life trying to convince my child free friends to have kids...

Many parents have nannies and leave their children with grandparents for some time together.

@Algor1thm Then you are a good friend! Yes I can understand that your feelings and actions are likely to change once having children.

This !!

Is society (whatever that is) pushy about having kids? In what way?

@BellePeppa Well I think the world as a whole does value parents over non-parents as in 'kids are the best thing you could ever do' - not your career, or your friendships, overcoming your challenges and adversity.
And then your immediate circle - family etc who ask.

@bananafoams it really was an overnight change of heart. 10 years earlier and I was with (now) DH but it was quite new and I was slow to commit as I was flying high career-wise and he had an infant business. We'd been married six years before having DS. It does turn your life on its head, and there's no going back... although because of my age, I did have all the amnio and scans and I would have terminated if anything had been seriously wrong.

Fine, I'm just saying how you feel before having kids isn't always a reflection of how you feel once you've had them.

I think that you know yourself best, and if you don't want a child, then it's best not to have one.
Looking at some of the posts you feel are helpful it seems like you appreciate the "real life examples" of being a parent, when in reality the practicalities, and how to organise your new family is only a part.
The idea that you are thinking about how to create a barrier, to make sure you have enough personal time and space after a hypothetical child is born means that in some way, the idea of a child being the centre of your world, and no longer yourself, is frightening to you.
This shift in perspective can't be taken away by money, because however much money you have, your child needs someone, to be that person. They may be lucky and have a few close relatives, but in the end of the day it's usually the parents that fill that role.
Even if you have a child without disabilities, where you can easily buy in childcare and pay others to run other aspects of home life, you cannot pay someone to take on the responsibility of loving a child more than you love yourself, and you most probably wouldn't want to.

I think there is a portion of the population who would like a child and for their lives to become family orientated with the lasting ties that family can bring but the desire is not so much of a need but more of a “in a perfect world - that’s what I would choose”. I think those people are thinking very carefully now as to whether the world they can offer is enough and many are deciding it isn’t. I think that’s a sensible approach and doesn’t make you unsuitable for being a parent - but shows a level of consideration for what you can offer. It may be that you have more to offer as an aunt or godmother type in a child’s life as the more people supporting and loving a child the better.

This is it for me, entirely. Myself and DH are similar ages (33 & 41) and i am frankly, obsessed with worrying about if i 'should' or 'shouldn't' and it really boils down to this. If money was really no object at all and I could ensure education, housing, comfort for my future children (being able to secure them homes etc), i would have many children (albeit conscious this does not help the environmental aspect). It wouldn't be about affording help per se but affording them opportunities and allowing us as parents financial freedom.

OP, I entirely am with you here, I can't give you the answer however, given what you have said about your financial future i would feel significantly more comfortable. I am not hugely maternal either.. but still have a huge fear of "missing the window". Genuinely think about it several times a day :(

@BobbidyBibbidyBob It's horrible isn't it, the constantly thinking!
Agree about the being able to secure their future - I've always thought that you should only have children if you can offer a life better than your own (perhaps an immigrant way of thinking - my parents were very adamant that my life was better than theirs).
The financial freedom is more than just looking after a child though, I would want to have a nanny because I wouldn't want to 'loose' my husband. Obviously I am without kids, but I think it is important to remember and indeed let any children know that before you became 'mom and dad' you were 'husband and wife'.
It's all a bit new to me really, as I said I never saw myself with children but my husband would be an excellent father and time is ticking to make the decision.

Came on to say I wasn't too fussed about having children, fine either way. DH was very clear he wanted them. Had first dc mid 30s as stipulated I wanted a house, fairly solid career before so all ducks in a row. First dc was a dream, second is autistic so.....interesting times. But the main point related to being rich is that with both being in nursery in the south east plus some after school clubs once at school has cost us £120k so far. Thats just childcare. When I speak to my friends in France they're horrified.

I think the same for a 3rd. I've no interest in having a third with our current lifestyle, but yes if I won the lottery and lived a very different lifestyle, I could be persuaded.

If you feel you need free time, don't have kids!

I have friends who have chosen to not have children and are very happy with the decision. One of my friends just absolutely had no desire no maternal instinct and her partner is happy with that too.

I must admit as a parent of 2 children we do not go out unless it's our anniversary as we do not have people we can take care of them or that we would trust. That's resulted in us barely having time for us. life at the moment is very focused on the children. It sounds miserable but in all that of course our children have given us so much joy and fun in different ways. You still have time to decide but you shouldn't let society to dictate whether you should have children. It's OK not to want children it's your life.