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Original poster

School allowed unauthorised parent to pick up child

83 replies

sn21 · 17/11/2022 15:47

I've been having problems with my ex partner for a couple of weeks. But if background there was a lot of dv that went on in our relationship we haven't been together for a year. He sees the children on weekends and I am solely responsible for pick up and drop off. Since breaking up me and the children have moved to an address he doesn't know. The children have also moved school in the new school year.

Today he called me to say he was on his way to the school by taxi as he wanted to pick them up and promised he would. I rushed my way to the school to get there first however they had opened the gates early as I was coming round the playground saw he had already collected youngest.

I don't really know how to approach, as new school we're not aware of the situation. However we're 3 months into school and he's never picked them up nor is he on any emergency contact/authorised person to pick up the children. Where do I stand and what can I do?

OP posts:
Januarcelebration · 17/11/2022 15:49

I don’t think he authorisation. I could be wrong.

Is there a court order to say he can’t pick the children up?

Have you told the school you don’t want him picking them up? What did they say?

Januarcelebration · 17/11/2022 15:50

Sorry just seen they were NOT aware.Talk to them and see what they say. Wether they can actually stop him taking them or not.

GrazingSheep · 17/11/2022 15:51

*Have you told the school you don’t want him picking them up? What did they say?
She says the school are not aware of the situation.

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upfucked · 17/11/2022 15:51

Does he have PR?
Why did you not inform the school that your children have been victims of domestic violence?

RandomMess · 17/11/2022 15:52

If he has PR they can't stop him.

Original poster
sn21 · 17/11/2022 15:53

Yes school were unaware as everything was long over by the time they started and we seemed to be coparenting well up until recently he's been difficult. Of course I will tell them dad is not to pick them up after this time but didn't know if there's anything else I can do as I have no formal agreement of our parenting arrangement all done through social worker and dad refused to sign months back but is sticking to the proposed agreement. I'm also waiting for a CAO which I put an application in for about a year ago which I still have not received any further information on

OP posts:
Meceme · 17/11/2022 15:53

If he is the father of the children then the school cannot stop him picking the children up unless you have a court order denying him this right. As far they know he has the same parental rights as you do.

Stressfordays · 17/11/2022 15:54

If he has parental rights, you can't stop him from picking them up. However in my case, the school were happy to use delay tactics to prevent him to give me time to get there. You need to speak to them first though, you can't just expect them to know.

BeautifulDragon · 17/11/2022 15:55

Depends if he's on the BC or not. If he is, he can collect them and school cannot do anything about it without a court order.

AntlerRose · 17/11/2022 15:55

Is he their Dad?
If he has parental responsibility, which Dads do, unless there is a court order, they cant stop him collecting his own children.

Original poster
sn21 · 17/11/2022 15:56

No he is not on youngest child's birth certificate and neither of them have dad listed when school forms were sent it September

OP posts:
gogohmm · 17/11/2022 15:57

Unless there's a court order denying him access the school cannot refuse him collecting his own children. You need to told with him calmly and make an access agreement which isn't about what you want but want is good and safe for the children. You mentioned dv - is this documented? Do the courts know? If not how can the school know?

ahunf · 17/11/2022 15:57

Well he wasn't unauthorised was he?

Original poster
sn21 · 17/11/2022 16:00

Yes the social worker went through the arrangement with us together to make sure it was as fair as possible. We gave dad an opportunity to discuss any changes he would like to make however he refused to read or sign (this was whilst we waited for the court order)
All the dv was recorded with social workers/police but the case was closed before the move and the school change over. I do believe I did mention that there was dv but not if I necessarily made clear dads not to pick them up

OP posts:
Stressfordays · 17/11/2022 16:02

If the children knew their Dad was picking them up and able to say 'yes thats my Dad' then why would they not let them go? Without discussing these things with the school, how are they meant to know? And tbh, you should be disclosing these things to school so they can support your children if they need it. I am open with school about everything so if my children are upset then they can give proper support.

Original poster
sn21 · 17/11/2022 16:19

Stressfordays · 17/11/2022 16:02

If the children knew their Dad was picking them up and able to say 'yes thats my Dad' then why would they not let them go? Without discussing these things with the school, how are they meant to know? And tbh, you should be disclosing these things to school so they can support your children if they need it. I am open with school about everything so if my children are upset then they can give proper support.

Children were not aware he would be picking them up either. School are aware however don't know the full 8 years of what's happened as social services closed the case before they joined the new school. He does not have parental responsibility of the youngest and any kid that sees someone new picking them up that they knows is going to say "that's my xyz" they called before when it was my Aunty and she's authorised and picked them up multiple times

OP posts:
ThisIsNotThePostYourLookingFor · 17/11/2022 16:25

Sorry but you should have made the school aware as soon as they joined or you could have called them!

if the child shouts ‘daddy’ and runs to the adult happily the school aren’t going to stop it if they don’t know. Daddy is different to auntie. Not all parents can pick their kids up regularly. My DH is lucky if he does the school run once a year!

Theunamedcat · 17/11/2022 16:28

They will have access to social services reports etc from the last school it should have been flagged and if he isn't on the youngest birth certificate he really shouldn't be able to collect him

Summerfun54321 · 17/11/2022 16:32

This sounds like something you really should have told the school about. You’ve set them up for failure here by not warning them.

quietnightmare · 17/11/2022 16:41

If he has the kids on the weekend why on earth can't he pick the children up from school. So no worry of abuse towards the kids from him when your happy to have a weekend off but what all of a sudden your worried of potential abuse towards the kids at the school gate, because abuse towards the children is the only reason you would have to be able to stop him picking his kids up. Don't be difficult

Theunamedcat · 17/11/2022 16:43

It's not the weekend though? Why is he picking them up just pissing on his territory really if the agreement was working why change it? What has changed?

Original poster
sn21 · 17/11/2022 16:47

Theunamedcat · 17/11/2022 16:28

They will have access to social services reports etc from the last school it should have been flagged and if he isn't on the youngest birth certificate he really shouldn't be able to collect him

Yes that's what I thought my brief explanation on the small bit of paper would've meant they would look into it plus I'm sure the teacher from the old school would've sent a report with the changeover

OP posts:
Original poster
sn21 · 17/11/2022 16:49

Theunamedcat · 17/11/2022 16:43

It's not the weekend though? Why is he picking them up just pissing on his territory really if the agreement was working why change it? What has changed?

Yes it's not the weekend he has done this on purpose to be difficult but has used the kids excuse of them asking to make it seem reasonable. Nothing has changed per the agreement just that he's found out I'm in a relationship and so is back to doing his usual rubbish

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 17/11/2022 16:51

Ahhhh that's the reason yeah prepare for drama

Speak to the school point explain everything and also point out no name on the birth certificate means no pr

brighterthanthemoon · 17/11/2022 16:51

Have you got the kids at the moment?