Raising a daughter... share your wisdom

[Hyggeandhugs]

So as the title suggests, I have a baby DD. I don't have any close family or friends that are raising DDs so I would love to hear your wisdom on how to raise a happy, healthy and wise little girl.

What worked? What do you wish you'd done differently? What should I avoid doing/buying/saying at all cost? I'm grateful for anything you want to share and about any age.

Remember my granny saying “you can only do your best” and I found that comforting re exams. I revised and worked hard - that was it. Nothing more I could do.

@Ilovealido yea, don’t get me wrong my parents aren’t perfect and there were lots of things as a child I was very frustrated with - my mum had mental health issues and was sometimes ill , and I felt they were quite ‘boring’ compared to my friends parents! Ie didn’t get as many presents, got taken to boring national trust places haha..they were keen on us not being materialistic. However, it’s taken me having my own daughters and reflecting on my DH relationship with his mum (she’s quite overbearing in terms of his career and quick to criticise, not very affectionate) to realise that actually my mum did a good job in the important areas, we were always showered with affection and praise, always felt secure and loved, and she read with us and instilled a love of reading 🥰. So you take the good bits of how you were parented and no the bad bits I guess?

So much good advice!

Is there anything you did/started/bought/etc with their DDs that you did wrong and now regret? I'm a big fan of learning from mistakes. Things where you later saw the consequences of those choices and would have done differently if you could go back in time?

Help and encourage her to follow her own dreams and ambitions, not your own.

Oh yes, you’re right, none of us are perfect. But this is so lovely & I’m so glad. I hope to do the same with my daughter. I’ve actually been ill myself & have often worried about my dd missing out on stuff or not being able to do stuff with her but it just goes to show what really matters. Providing that secure, loving backdrop.

DD was taught the correct words and used to go up to pregnancy women and ask if they had a baby in their OOOOterus. She used to get a few looks!

Being open has unintended consequences. DD knew about periods early and had a 'kit' she took to school. Not only did this help when hers started but she had a friend whose parents hadn't told her. She freaked out and DD helped her, reassured her and gave her supplies. She was very proud of herself.

And on that note, rather than telling her I'm proud of her, I often ask her if she's proud of an action herself. Trying to install an internal locus of control so she looks to her own moral compass rather than doing what other people want her to.

Make it very clear from a very young age that there is no such thing as boys or girls toys/clothes/interests/colours and that not fitting in with stereotypes is absolutely fine and does not mean she is a boy and should wish to change her body. It never occurred to me that this was important until the internet and social contagion kicked in during teenage years.

Christ. I know this comes from a good place but...at what age do skirts become acceptable then? Mandating what they wear either way is too much.

It's giving the message that clothes that boys wear e.g. trousers and shorts are more acceptable than skirts and dresses. It's so try hard it's embarrassing.

I mean, this counts for all kids. But there's a saying "if a kid is doing something dangerous carefully, let them do it". Make your kid a problem solver.

So let them figure out how to climb over the climbing frame, if they're doing it carefully, thinking about where they might put their foot/hand etc, then let them get on with it. It's very tempting to stop them, or tell them exactly what to do. But, let them solve the problem. You'd be surprised at how good they are at doing that if left to their own devices.

Let them choose their own clothes and style. Grit your teeth and be supportive when they are young teens and that style is a bit ‘out there’. I took my daughter to judo classes for a few years so that she was able to defend herself if she needed to. Take them to activities that interest them that don’t necessarily have anyone they know there - really useful to learn the skill of making new friends and getting on with people you haven’t chosen. Remember you can’t choose her friends but you can choose which ones you encourage. Finally be your daughters friend but remember you are her mum.

Veg how far does the “gritting” go?! My 14 year old finds our boundaries re clothes and then pushes on…

@TheaBrandt I had almost 2 years from 12 to 13 1/2 of spiked pvc collars, general punk clothing and dressing up in Japanese goth clothes (pastel goth). The best tactic is not to react unless of course it really is indecent (nipples on show for example). The whole idea at this age is to shock your parents and show how different and exciting you are. When we don’t react we are not playing the game and so eventually it fades away. My 15 year old is now into cable knit jumpers and jeans and velour tracksuits when at home - think smart grunge meets the 80’s!

We think it can’t get any worse then it does! Makes it worse that she’s tall and looks like a 25 year old super model. Nightmare