Child being horrid on WhatsApp

[MattHancockmole]

What would you do? There have been low level fall outs between my year 6 son and friends on WhatsApp before and my DS had counselling as he's been feeling very down about himself and I think he tries to "fit into" this group of cool boys but they're not doing him any good. He's funny and kind but a bit of a doormat to them.
He's just got new trainers (via Vinted but they don't know that ). They love their brands and parents have more money than me but these are like new and DS has said he's had them a while but not worn to school to explain any wear and tear (minimal ).
They've called his shoes fake and tonight it's escalated on WhatsApp with one kid saying they're shit and "where have you been in those shit shoes " etc etc. another has defended my son to be told "Fuck you". They're 10!! I've put this here as I'm feeling so shit for him and not looking for AIBU type "you're a snowflake " "stop worrying" "boys will be boys" as DS is crying. He also says the boy will hit him for snitching if I say anything and doesn't want me to do anything.
Now I've always said to him about bullying to come to me, tell me and I will deal with it. I've read too much about bullying and victims suffering in silence to let it go. I'd rather nip it in the bud now.
My question is would you tell the mum( who I get on pretty well with )?. Would you want to know if your son was frightening other kids / swearing at them? Or would you say leave the WhatsApp group and try to ignore them and find other friends. Easier said than done. This isn't meant to be a drip feed. This boy and his cohort have been nasty to DS before and I've let it go. Gah. My poor boy.

He is too young for WhatsApp but that ship has sailed.
I would raise it with school.

What you're going to get OP is loads of perfect parents telling you that your son should have whatsapp. Which obviously doesn't help you at all in the current situation (FWIW my DS yr 6 has it).

I think if my yr 6 DS was swearing at and bullying kids on a messaging / social media channel, I'd want to know. I'd be really upset about it but I would want to know. However, I am not the sort of person to 'kill the messenger'. How well do you know the other mum? How do you think she'll react?

Your poor DS. Tell him that actually all the cool kids are buying stuff on Vinted these days.

Gghhaa shouldn't have whatsapp.🙄

Well, yes, this is why 9 and 10 year olds shouldn't have WhatsApp.

I'd be inclined just to screen shot it all and inform the school.

Screen shot the messages and contact the other child's parents. Hopefully they're not arseholes. Sorry your son is so upset, I totally understand your concern.

Screenshot the messages, and let school know.
Nothing good comes from contacting the parents.

Oh OP, your poor boy.

Can u speak to the mum and ask that she check her DS phone and ‘find’ the messages…..
Perhaps then she can deal with it without her DS knowing that you or your DS have said anything.

Kids can be so cruel. Hugs for your DS 🤗

There’s a fucking reason why small children should not be on WhatsApp. Sarcastically calling people ‘perfect parents’ for actually performing decent parenting just makes you look like an idiot tbh.

Regardless as to whether my child would be allowed WhatsApp at his age (that's not what the Op was asking) I would tell the boys mum tactfully of course

I personally would want to know if my son was being horrible to other children and using that kind of language before them

How are we meant to raise kind men if we keep it to ourselves

I hope your little one is okay OP, it's heartbreaking seeing them so sad x

Screenshot the messages and tell the other parents what is going on.

Tell your child's school that the children are using WhatsApp as some schools do a lot about online safety.

Delete WhatsApp from your child's phone.

Regularly check the age appropriateness of apps he puts on his phone and delete them if they are too old for him.

BTW my DP had to do similar recently but all the children involved where much older.

I would give the mum a call now and just say there's alot going on with WhatsApp today, maybe take a look as my sons quite upset.

I have an open phone policy with my 12 year old. She knows I can check her phone any time i choose, her friends also know this.

When she was added to a group set up to bully another child she was worried the others would know she'd brought it to me so I took it to school and showed her head of year. One kid accused DD of telling on them, this was nipped in the bud by school.

Definitely take this to school and make them aware.

That's a good suggestion.

It's actually a very good thing that these kids all have WhatsApp.

Take it up with school. Provide the proof of bullying that these little idiots have thoughtfully handed to you.

Tell the school about the child's threat wrt snitching.

There's a reason the WhatsApp age limit is 13 FFS.

Do not speak to the parents of these bullies.

Where do you think they have learned to treat other children like this?

Bullying behaviour is learned at home.

The school probably won’t be interested as this has happened off site? Tell the parents.
Im so sorry this has happened op, kids can be so cruel

Tell the mum, definitely. And get rid of WhatsApp. We’re always getting messages from school reminding us of age limits for apps, but my DS is one of only two kids in his class who don’t have it. He once sent a mean message to a friend in messages and the mum came and told me straight away and I was very grateful. Never happened again.

Tell the school so your kid can be kept seperate from these ones and Im sorry to say but I would want to report it to social services somethings not right at home for them to be behaving like that they must be going through something big and need support,

Why are the other kids’ parents not monitoring their phone use particularly when they’re only 10/11?!

Call the other parents NOW and say bullying is going on, they need to check their kids’ phones. They need to deal with this.

Delete WhatsApp and any social media and don’t let your kids have it until they’re an appropriate age.

If the bullying continues at school take it directly to them.

Taking the mick out of someone’s shoes is one thing but this sounds much deeper than that. Is there another group of friends he has?

I absolutely would be telling the other parents and if it continues the school.

People who let their primary school children on social media tend not to be very clued in on responsible parenting.

I would want to know if I was the other mum and I would be horrified at my son's behaviour. So if you know the mum and feel she would be receptive to the news then I would raise it with her.

We've had similar with kids leaving nasty voicemails on my 13 year old's phone. My husband knew where one of the mums worked and popped in to talk to her and fortunately she spoke to her son and the problems stopped.

School will be interested. My DD left Yr 6 this year. WhatsApp is notorious for this type of thing and it spills over into school time. They will have seen and dealt with it before. Tell the teacher.