Seriously, how do teen Mums and single Mums manage?

[goodmorningsunny]

Genuinely interested to hear from teen mums/ single mums how they managed with their newborns and small babies.

I'm in my 30s, financially stable, married and with excellent support and being a new mum is the toughest thing I've ever done, despite my privileges. I see young mums and single mums and I just think they must be so strong and mature to hold it together, I barely cope some days.

This may seem a bit patronising but it's genuinely not meant to be, I'm in awe.

19 when I had DS and 22/23 with my DTwins. My partner works long hours. I don't have a choice. It's hard work some days but I absolutely love it. There are days I have questioned what I've done, especially when we all had COVID. Two of my children have additional needs too. It's not for the faint of heart but I love the choices I've made.

Because what’s the alternative to not managing? Losing your baby and that’s not a choice I know any mother to willingly make. It was bloody hard, it still feels relentless even now they’re older but I either cope or I fail as a mother and lose my children.

Feel better now? Have you got your 'Twat comment of the day' off your chest?

I don't sign up to the 'be kind' shit or 'only say nice things' brigade, but I'm at a loss as to what your comment brings to the table other than highlighting that you're a moron.

@buttermut that's Mumsnet ;) 90% great content, 10% arsewipes ;)

For me, the hardest part is other people not understanding what it means to be a lone parent with nobody else to share the load.

As PP said it doesn't take much to swing the pendulum from just-about-coping, to full-on-crisis. Me being unwell in an incapacitating way is my biggest fear. Even hurting my back or having a stomach upset makes day-to-day life impossible. I find I tell a lot of lies to get out of things that I simply don't have the energy for like parents evenings. I often make excuses to avoid things other families might not even think about and make the excuse that DCs are unwell but really it's just me being exhausted and can't cope with yet another thing to organise. I feel guilty all the time but also know I'm just one person and can't do everything.

I’m a single mum to 4 (father not involved) no family help, I wonder myself how I cope but no choice!

Christ, who hurt you?

@6poundshower wow, thanks for sharing. You must look back on it and just thing think "wow, I survived". Well done you (and others that have commented!)

Well it’s a smug post - it’s a rich person saying how they just don’t understand how poor people can cope.

@flflflf sounds bloody awful, well done for getting through it. I hope life is much better now :)

I agree, single mums and teen mums are hardly going to give their kids up, you cope because you have to.

@NowWhatBipolar well exactly, two happy little people and all because of you. You must be really proud of that!

And if the OP is finding it difficult with all that support it does suggest that she isn’t particularly competent

and patronising faux empathetic posts about women who have had genuine challenges I find to be quite lacking in insight and genuine empathy and understanding of the very real challenges women raising children in difficult situations actually go through

As a very young mother I coped because I didn't know any different. It never felt much of a change because I'd never been an adult.

It is extremely hard, and you have no choice but to just get on with it.
I was widowed with a baby and a toddler, while working a high stress job as a hospital doctor and grieving my heart out. I had no support - nearest relatives were 240 miles away.
It was pre internet, and I got very depressed and lonely. With no babysitter it was impossible to go out socially, and I was too tired anyway, after working in the operating theatre all day and doing housework, diy, gardening and childcare every evening and weekend. All food and clothes shopping involved a 30 mile round trip to the nearest shops, there were no online deliveries in those days.
I remember anaesthetising a severely depressed patient for ECT, and saw from their case notes that my own depression score was actually higher than theirs! It was a grim and hard twenty years, best forgotten.

I have been a single parent since before my DD turned 1. So much easier on my own than with my ex. With him it was like someone constantly moving obstacles into the way of any simple task to make it harder.

It broke me. I was a single mum in late 20s.

I had my children at 22, 26, 28 & 30 and never felt the way you do. We’re all different.

Didn't/ don't have any choice but to cope.

Mind you the only types I've felt like I genuinely can't is when my MH has been at its worst.

To add, I’m not a single mum but I was young when i had my first; albeit in a good relationship. I do just think it comes down to the individual, like everything in life.

Single parents just get on with it, because what is the alternative? I used to be a single mum and that’s pretty much what I did. Unless you think single mums a particular breed? Some cope better than others, which goes for all parents.

I'm a single mum of one (ex decided belatedly that children are woman's work).

I did all care, all night feeds, ex had him for 4 mins a day while I took a shower and 2 hrs every 6 weeks while I had my hair cut (and that caused a row).

I coped by;
breastfeeding and getting to the point I could feed ds at night without opening my eyes. I was very lucky.

Ds came almost everywhere with me in a sling. Housework, shopping, dentist. I even had a smear while holding ds 😊

Having a fabulous childminder when I went back to work, close to the office and a real star.

And planning everything months in advance.

Now ds is 14 and things are much easier. I get to parkrun. I get an occasional few days off if he's on a school trip. It has all been worth it.

Yes, and this.

I was very young and single when I had my first (he is 20 now). My parents were amazing and took him to and picked him
Up from nursery on the days I did a 13 hour shift at work (3 days a week). Once he was at school I got a job with better hours and he went to breakfast and after school club.
Financially it was hard butI did it, studied really hard and got a promotion so we had a bit more money.
Wouldn't change any of it for the world. We were happy. Most of my friends at that time were just out getting drunk every weekend - I don't think I missed out on much.

I was 20 and completely alone when I had my baby. It was hard but what choice do you have but to get on with it. Once I was pass the newborn stage I loved it, Big chubby smiley baby all to myself!