When does life go back to 'normal' after a baby?

[ifihavetomove]

I have a 2 week old and after a hospital stay we've been home 9 days. We're having a great time but of course my days totally revolve around her - feeding on demand, learning how to look after a baby, keeping myself fed and the house clean. Husband is off work currently too.

Obviously this is normal, but at the moment I can't imagine running basic errands (like I'm due an eye test) or meeting a friend for lunch. Of course life is never the same after a baby but I'm curious at what point you felt you had some kind of a normal life after having a baby, where you could go out and do things like this?

Probably about 3 months old for me. They sleep for longer stretches, you ‘know’ them better, they sort of wake up a bit and the post birth pain/lochia/stitches have healed enough. Congrats!

It will a new normal but I think once you get past the newborn days you should be able to do all the things you list. It is important to make sure your oh pulls their weight though so you can leave the baby with them whilst you do things like eye appointments. Start as you mean to go on.

It depends on the baby I think, DD was very settled from the off so I found it quite easy to get out and about for coffee with friends etc with her from about 2 months old, id say things are more difficult to get done now she's 3 and needs more of my attention.
Your still very early days so I'd just take things slowly and see how you get on

You're doing all the baby care and keeping the house clean and don't mention your DH doing anything even though he's off work?

I managed a trip into town (5 mins away) when he was 2 weeks old. However, I hadn't learnt how to unclip him from the iso fix so I cried, came home, got my husband to show me, cried again and then tried again 😂 I was out the house for maybe 45 mins but it wiped me out for the rest of the day. Took a lot of personal pep taking to get back in the car and try again!

He's 8 weeks old now and only now have I got to know him well enough to understand when he's likely to want to BF, nap, need a nappy change etc.

Don't push yourself too much ❤️

I'm not sure it ever really does but my little is over 6 months and I'm confident with going out with her knowing I have a spare nappy, my boobs and somewhere for her to sleep (the sling) and I can go pretty much anywhere.

We’re about there now, and our baby is 7 months old. It does get easier, and you get much more organised etc.

She's 11...any day now

When they leave home - for some that is at 18. For others, it is older.

About 35 years...or maybe not 😉

I'm afraid for you this is the new normal, you learn to cope.

DD1 - 6 months I’d say
DD2 - 3 days

It does get easier OP, you got this 💪

Probably wouldn't bring a child to an eye test of mine until they were 5ish/could sit and read/play quietly. Maybe okay with a brand new newborn though. I took my then-four year old to a physio appointment and she really struggled for the last ten minutes of the hour.

Lunch with a friend: within a week or two with all three kids.

Making meals: starting as soon as paternity leave is over. With my first my husband would come home every day for lunch and I would cook at least two courses and then tidy up. I was crazy back then 🤣

I don't get it... Why couldn't you go for an eye test or meet a friend for coffee? Did all that sort of stuff within the first week with mine. Breastfeeding though, I have no idea how people who use bottles go anywhere I couldn't manage that!

Yes, this was going to be my answer too! Your life before your children is apples and your life now is oranges. Don't miss the joy of it by waiting for it to feel like something it's not.

Why can’t you g for an eye test and meet your friend. Your baby will be in the pram. It is easier doing things at this age than when they are toddlers.

It will quickly get better. However you do need to challenge yourself to get out of your comfort zone. I’ve struggled on maternity leave - I started off well but then I’ve felt overwhelmed by the relentless and I’ve got stuck in the rut and really not got it as much as is good for me. Having said that I’ve done day trips with him to London and I went to my smear test with him last week and had to hold him perched on my chest while it was being done 😆

I feel I’ve wasted my mat leave a bit and I regret that. So my top tip is, if you want to get out and about, book things in and plan it the night before, make sure you have everything ready to go before you go to bed! Then you will have no excuses the next day x

Depends on lots of things - recovery from birth, how well you are sleeping, how feeding is going, family support etc etc etc

I would say, certainly allow a month if you have had a normal delivery and you are both well.

Depends. I went out to lunch with the baby when he was five days old. Until about 18 months they are very portable and fairly content. After that they demand attention and no longer happy just sitting there looking and watching. So now's your time sister!

About 3 months for me, to feel settled into a routine etc. Everyone is different though, just take it at your own pace.

It does depend on the baby. I managed a trip into our city centre with DH when DS was about 3/4 weeks old - he slept the whole time but I found it a bit stressful. He's 8 weeks old now and we've done lots of coffee dates, lunch with friends, birthday parties (he's been to 4 🤣), family visits etc. But he's a very settled baby. DD was a different story.

I started taking DS1 to an NCT playgroup at 10 am on Monday mornings when he was 6 weeks old and in the early weeks and months after his birth met NCT group mum friends for coffee/lunch a couple of times a week. BUT there were many days where I didn't manage to eat lunch until 4pm and days when I couldn't do what I'd planned because he wouldn't stop crying.

Husband is very helpful we do pretty much 50/50 aside from the breastfeeding, but I'm pumping too so he does a bottle in the day and at night too.

It's just things like, if I drive 20 mins into town what if she wants a feed 10 minutes into the drive, she quickly goes from fine to very unhappy when she wants a feed and she'd be whinging till I arrived and parked. She's not yet at the point where I can anticipate her needs before they come up so feel a bit nervous to take her out.

Anything the baby could come to I did from week 2. Things like the dentist or hairdressers I can’t really picture doing with the baby (it would be hard to work round the sling and DS won’t chill in a pram), so I need to rely on DP to help out. I’ve found that lose of independence very difficult. Roll on nursery!

I would say I was properly comfortable at 3 months.
It's the first time going out alone with them which seems more stressful than it actually is, and once you've done it once your fine from there.

Long as you have nappies, boobs/milk, spare clothes, know where the nearest baby changing is, somewhere comfortable to feed, your all good.

Congrats!