When does life go back to 'normal' after a baby?

[ifihavetomove]

I have a 2 week old and after a hospital stay we've been home 9 days. We're having a great time but of course my days totally revolve around her - feeding on demand, learning how to look after a baby, keeping myself fed and the house clean. Husband is off work currently too.

Obviously this is normal, but at the moment I can't imagine running basic errands (like I'm due an eye test) or meeting a friend for lunch. Of course life is never the same after a baby but I'm curious at what point you felt you had some kind of a normal life after having a baby, where you could go out and do things like this?

It’s very easy! I’ve done whatever I like, whenever I like since day 1 :-)

Just wanted to say make sure you get lots of rest the first 4-6 weeks while your body is recovering. It’s been through a massive ordeal, get someone else to do the cleaning if you can. I made the mistake of being up & ‘back to normal’ a few days after my first & my physical/mental recovery were severely affected. Second time round I just BF, had cups of tea & spent time with my eldest for first month, felt so much better for it.

Second was a lockdown baby though so not much opportunity to get out!

Around 3 months - that was when I felt able to anticipate her needs, as you say. Occasionally I get it wrong and, in your example for instance, she would have to cry, or I’d try and find somewhere to pull over. I wouldn’t take her to an appt though - she wouldn’t reliably stay asleep or be happy in the pushchair long enough for, eg, an eye test. I have to schedule those things when my OH is off work.

Sorry. Never!

Around 3/4 months.

Mine is a full on Velcro baby but she started accepting a bouncer for short periods at around 3.5 months. Around the same time I started leaving her with her Dad for short periods for physio, pilates, and a haircut. I feed her before I left & leave a bottle of expressed milk.

She went through periods of screaming when held by anyone but me, hated the pram, refused to be put down, dreadful napper etc so it did feel like this day would never come!

I went back to work pt at four months and from that first day reclaimed some sense of normality. It felt great.

I’m sorry, I must say never. It’s important to mama he expectations and accept the truth, once you have children, life very much becomes about caring for them. You or others might be in a better position than me, I have no grandparents or relatives who’s ready to help out, so everything is on me and DH. Life DOES get easier though, my children are soon secondary school age and I must say it’s so lovely to see them becoming so much more independent. However it’s not like I’m free to do whatever I want, my “time off” is pretty much a treat and I still think of my children all the time… school progress, their health, their friendships, their worries. Please don’t let it scare you because after a decade of parenting I would still have them, I will never regret having them. They give so much love I would never get anywhere else.

Manage, not mama lol

If you’re asking specifically about going out and travelling, whenever you want it, if you are willing to. We travelled and shopped with our babies, it’s not like you can’t. It’s hard though.

It doesn't just depend on the baby- it depends on the mum too. It's all very well for people to say 'why wouldn't you just go and do x, y and z' but I found things really hard when I had my baby - it was a shock to the system and I was very anxious and overwhelmed - for months.
So just take it in your own time and try not to worry too much about getting back to normal. Mine is now 18 months and life is very different to what it was, but certainly easier than when she was a baby.

DS didn't sleep through the night until he was almost three, so not sure there was normality prior to that.
Even now it's not back to how it was before as before I didn't have another human depending on me. We'd book a cheap fight on a Thursday and come back on a Sunday on a whim, get cheap theatre tickets for that evening, decide to meet friends for drinks after work etc. Can't do that now have to plan childcare, logistics, using annual leave to cover nursery holidays etc.
New normal though, back working ft, go out lots but to family friendly things mainly, two holidays booked this year one with DS and a long weekend without as a little taste of the old, but took a lot more planning!
I was out having coffee etc after a few weeks, we were in hospital just over a week and I was lucky DH had six weeks off work paternity and annual leave, so plenty of time to tag team before going it alone.

After about six weeks you get into a pattern. At 3 months it gets a bit easier (but still a world of sudden hunger screaming and poonami explosions). At six months it’s all a bit hectic with the start of weaning but soon settles to much much easier and for breast feeders the first opportunities to leave them more than a couple of hours.

Well out @motleymop. Also (related to what you said), whether it's a first or subsequent baby, they just have to fit in with the family normal in most cases.

Newborns take a lot of time to look after, it gets easier.

Eye test I would say 6 weeks and leave baby with husband for it. From age 3 years my oldest could come with and sit and watch quietly, now at 7 she could wait in the waiting room reading her book. Lunch with a friend whenever you feel ready, bring baby in pram or leave with husband.

If my babies cried in the car singing nursery rhymes soothed them. They can wait for a feed with a bit of distraction when it isn't convenient. It's worth knowing the best baby changing rooms in town (John Lewis where I live) and good places to feed (sofas in John Lewis furniture section for me or any café or bench outside if sunny).

By the time they're 3 or 4

Everything else is on a whim till then

Going out with friends for a coffee etc visiting their houses, cafes, restaurant etc, within the first week. I went to parties within 2 weeks and hosted a big one myself at 3 weeks.

Then they got more demanding, and slept less, and needed more entertaining, and whilst I can meet friends child free now (the kids are 3+5), my goodness, I wouldn't bother trying to have a property catch up with them there.

Basically, my social life was normal for the first 3 months, then declined steadily from 3-9m, then hit rock bottom about a year, and its gradually working it's way back up.

Many of my friends are in the same boat though, so it's not a problem for me.

Some people find babies harder than toddlers though, or have older children that sleep and let the get a word in edgeways, so it might he very different for them. Everyone is different.

It entirely depends on the baby. Mine (now 7 weeks) was very predictable from day one, so by day 3 we’d been out for lunch and have continued to go out somewhere everyday. Also bottle feeding so feeds seem to be a bit quicker and less cluster feeding than BF. But, my friends daughter hated going out and didn’t sleep well so they found it easier to stay home/do short local time walks only for quite some time. I’d say to just give going out a go but go to somewhere you know very well and has a coffee shop and baby change facilities. My first solo trip was to my local M&S, a short 5-10 minute drive.

It’s gradual of course but it also depends what it is you are wanting to do. It’s much easier to go for a coffee with a newborn than a two year old, but it’s easier to go for a 20 minute drive with a 2 year old than a newborn.

By 12 weeks I found it got a lot better with my DD but she was very fussy and had colic, reflux and CMPA so we had alot to contend with. Once she started being able to get things out of baby classes we did as many as we could! I started meeting friends probably earlier for a walk and a coffee but was a long time before I sat in and had one, and now she’s nearly 14 months she won’t sit still anymore 😂 but I think when you’re up to it just get baby out and about and you’ll feel like you’ve got a bit of you back. Saying that I feel utterly frazzled now I’m back at work and juggling my daughter all weekend so I actually felt better with a newborn 😂😁

I found after many years (I am now a great grandmother) the newborn stage was the easiest!
And I say this as the mother of a DS who cried almost constantly until 3 months old

Once you settle into your new routine then it will be normal.
You just need to find your feet first.
Normal is never the same, with or without a child. Life is always changing, so don't worry to much about thinking about things going back to how they were!
You will feel settled and happy soon ☺️

Thank you @motleymop for saying this x

DS1 was born during a lock down so we wasn't allowed out anywhere, I had a c- section so had food shopping delivered for the first 6 weeks whilst I couldn't drive, I do remember going for a pub lunch when he was around a month old when they were allowed open for that month!

DS2... we were in the pub garden at 3 days old enjoying the heatwave, I couldn't be stuck in a flat in 30°+ heat

For me it was around 4 yrs!

I dont think you life goes back to normal after having a baby.
You just develop a new normal. That new normal is worlds away from what you had before.

Of course you can still do the majority of the things you did pre baby. But you either have to take baby and their mountain of stuff with you or have someone look after them.
DH and I booked our eye tests together and took DD. DH had his test first and by the time he was done, DD was in full meltdown mode and he had to wisk her off for a walk.

You just adapt and have to accept your old life wont come back, but your new life will be fun with a new human in it.