When does life go back to 'normal' after a baby?

[ifihavetomove]

I have a 2 week old and after a hospital stay we've been home 9 days. We're having a great time but of course my days totally revolve around her - feeding on demand, learning how to look after a baby, keeping myself fed and the house clean. Husband is off work currently too.

Obviously this is normal, but at the moment I can't imagine running basic errands (like I'm due an eye test) or meeting a friend for lunch. Of course life is never the same after a baby but I'm curious at what point you felt you had some kind of a normal life after having a baby, where you could go out and do things like this?

It doesn't. You're a new person now.

Never 😉

More helpfully ... soon! And the sooner you give some of those normal things a go the better. Some will go really well (i.e. baby will sleep most of the time, when awake will feed nicely, and go back to sleep), others may feel more stressful (baby will cry, refuse all kinds of comfort, poo/vomit everywhere etc). The more you do the more confident you get that you can handle anything.

I 100% agree with PP that it's actually much easier doing these things with a newborn than a toddler, but I appreciate there's probably an element of hindsight involved there, as it doesn't always feel like it at the time!

Home wasn’t a safe place for us at that time.

we were out and about everyday, all day from 4 weeks to 9mo when I got my own place and finally felt safe at home.

i did a 500 mile trip on the train when she was about 10 days. Full of pain killers so my section scar wouldn’t cripple me.
It was a lot but it meant I finally got the looking after I needed for my scar to heal.

the answer for you will be when you start to feel pent up at home it will be worth the organising to get out for a while

then you’ll spend 3hrs getting you both clean, fed and dressed plus packed for the expedition… then they throw up all over you both just before you get out the door 😂😂😂

It's actually easier to do errands etc when they're that young, as all they want is sleep and milk. Once they start getting bored if they're not entertained then appointments and lunches become much more difficult.
I moved house on my own when DS was 17 days old, but wouldn't have been able to do that 6 months later.

I thought we were just starting to get there, but then the driving lessons started up and I’m back to sleepless nights.

Never. I probably felt more normal/myself after a year with my first it coincided with going back to work part time. He was refluxey though and I had a high needs ex husband.

With my second I felt pretty normal straight away, I got out the house to baby/breastfeeding group when she was 5 days old and went to a birthday party when she was a week old, single-handedly and with a preschooler in tow.

you learn to adapt.

@StopStartStop and any other first time mums reading this and feeling they “should” be able to manage

IT TOTALLY DEPENDS ON THE BABY AND THE TYPE OF BIRTH.

I had a horrendous time with my first and she was a very difficult high needs baby. It was like a bomb going off in my life and struggled to even survive day to day. I couldnt take her anywhere without her screaming constantly. She wouldn’t sleep anywhere. It was awful. I was also very ill after a traumatic birth and physically felt a wreck. Because this was my first I thought this was normal and I was just not doing as well as I should.

I’ve just had my second, relatively complication free delivery and ‘normal’ baby. It’s a whole different ballgame, just not remotely even comparable. Over 1000 times easier, even juggling a toddler. So to all those who just say ‘why can’t you just take them out? Why can’t they sleep in their pram?” Just be aware there are different types of babies and some, no matter how hard you try, are much much more difficult than others. Also don’t underestimate the difference of having a normal birth.

I think 2 weeks was my most difficult point with both mine, but think about how much baby has changed and in two weeks time they will have changed as much again, it really does get easier pretty quickly. By 6 weeks you will be able to predict when they will need to sleep/eat enough to get out and about.

I have an 8WO and I’d love to know when I will be able to make and eat a meal without holding a baby, potter around the house doing a few jobs, go for a run, have a decent shower, go to the shops without her screaming the whole time etc.

It feels relentless. Just a little bit of freedom would be amazing.

Congratulations, OP.

Depends on baby, but don't expect much normality for the first 12 weeks, as others have said. By that point you'll usually have more of a routine, have worked out how to leave the house with all the things you need for the baby, and feel able to, say, go for a walk/to shops on your own with baby at home.

Do try to go out as soon as you feel able, but keep it short and be aware some days things might just not come off or you might have had a bad night and have to cancel - sometoimes multiple times, especially if it involves meeting other new parents. I think by week 6 or so I got much better at getting out of the house; one step at a time.

Well said @Cinnabomb

I was approaching 6 months. Prob more comfortable after 7-8. Others I knew were fine from a few weeks! But I had high needs/allergy/reflux/eczema issues, and only realised how hard it had been when it got easier. If it’s feeling very difficult, don’t beat yourself up as it’s likely nothing to do with you, it will improve.

In some ways never but in other ways I’d say whenever your child sleeps through the night and you get regular downtime from them. When this happens could vary hugely!

My boy is nearly 4 months old. Been sleeping through the night for about a month. It does get easier.

I could have written this post nearly 7 months ago! I remember being overwhelmed with it all, at 6 weeks old I ventured out on my own one Sunday to look for formula whilst DH stayed at home with DD and it felt like such freedom! I think it got easier to run errands etc with her at about 3 months. Once she was able to see better she enjoyed the pram more and looking around her in shops etc. Gets even easier when they move from the carrycot pram setting to the pushchair for this reason too. And I’m finding it even easier again now she’s onto solids as I can put her in a highchair in a cafe with a snack whilst waiting for bottle to cool, unlike how it used to be, impatiently waiting for a bottle to take 500 years to cool whilst holding her and she was furious lol. It does get easier with each stage so far I’m finding. Until she’s a toddler and probably won’t want to sit in the pram on outings ;)

Honestly it depends on the baby and yourself. I was out for a meal less than 2 weeks after giving birth and that was after a 6 day hospital stay and a blood transfusion. My daughter is relatively easy and bottle fed so very portable. This stage is lovely rather than tackling a one year old 😂

With my first I reckon about 3 months to 6 months. She was deeply unhappy with CMPI and GERD so that controlled my life to an extent. At a week old I remember walking ten minutes to a place for a coffee and crying walking back. I felt like my insides were literally going to drop out - it was genuinely distressing and took me ages to mmm to build my confidence back up again.

second it just felt normal from the minute she came home. She also had CMPI but I just felt much more bullet proof. I was content to do the school run then whatever took my fancy. I put less pressure on myself to do ‘stuff’

don’t measure yourself against others. Take each day as it comes and be gentle with yourself.

once you have the wee one’s cues more sorted stuff like eye tests and gojng for coffee will be much easier

It doesn't 😂

About 18 years....

After a couple of months when we got a routine and they started sleeping through the night. Before that was a blur of feeding and nappy changing.

It's early days! I was very unwell after giving birth, (emergency section) we didn't actually go out and about until dd was 6 weeks old. By then I could anticipate when she needed feeding and successfully leave the house! Having that time at home was great. As regards to normal - things are never the same again! But it does get easier!

It is much easier to get out if you meet up with other parents. I started going to the pub when mine was 2 weeks old to meet my nct group. No one minded if babies cried, but most of them fell asleep on the way so we could at least catch up and buy a coffee before we were needed.

If you're having a 'great time' I think you're doing really well! I would also say every baby is different. Some of my NCT friends were travelling on trains planes etc v early on but I wouldn't have dreamed of doing that with my DS who cried all the time and wouldn't be put down. I would say it was about 4/5 months before I thought I was starting to get the hang and could meet a friend for a local coffee. I would say around 9/10 months I started being able to leave him for more extended periods and it felt more normal. Now at 12 months I can leave him in the eve to be put to bed by dad but we've only just got to this point - life is as close to normal now as it could be I think but only just!

The feeding/nights I'd say 6-9 months. But the freedom to leave a house without planning and preparation I'd say around 4 years.

I also agree with the pp who said that once you have dc, don't waste the next 20 years hankering after your life pre-dc. It is never "the same" or the old "normal", you should be looking for ways to enjoy the "new normal" with your new baby.

Depending on lots of things - not least what your baby is like - it might be that the first weeks are really hard, or the first months; Or it might be you love the tiny baby weeks but then hit a wall many months in; or you just love all the pre-school stuff but struggle later - maybe even years later. There is no 'typical' which applies to everyone.