How did you feel when your baby was born?

[Thetractorjustmoved]

I had a traumatic first birth followed by immediate awful PND and PSTD. so didn't feel anything for my baby when he was born, other than terror and a vague sense I was in a dream.

4 years later (and lots of pyschological help!) I'm due my second. I want to have realistic expectations of the birth and meeting my second child, even if I don't get PND again. I think I still have a distorted view of what is 'normal' to feel after birth and don't want to set myself up for a fall.

For those of you who didn't go on to have mental health issues, how did you feel when you met your baby? Positive? Happy? Shellshocked? Thanks in advance.

With my first, I was very much in shock

Held her because it was expected but was happy to put her down. It took me a few weeks to bond.

With my second, I had that rush of love you’re “supposed” to have. Didn’t want to put him down. Didn’t want dh to hold him but I relented so he could have his hold. I was absolutely smitten with him.

I felt complete detachment. No rush of love with either baby. No birth trauma with either. I remember a "rush of love" when first baby was 3 months during a night feed. My current 9 month old laughed in the bath last night and I felt it then but it's taking a while to bond this time. I'll get there though

With my DD9 I definitely felt as if she wasn’t mine. My labour was fast and I don’t know if that added to the stress. I half expected someone to turn up and take her away and it took a couple of weeks before I fully bonded.
When my DS6 was born we had to stay in Hospital for 3 nights and we snuggled together the entire time and bonded early on.

For me it happened all at different times. My 1st I had pnd I was 16 though so it was a bit of a shock to the system.
My 2nd it was instantly. easy labour knew what I was doing I was 24. Still got a bit of pnd due to lack of sleep and support.
3rd was about a week old very fast labour was an hour long. No complications apart from no pain relief. I did feel more in control though i knew what was going on at all times. I was 26. No issues then.
Due my 4th in January so we shall see how that goes.

Think it's really common not to bond as soon as they are born

I felt love straight away. I had a very straightforward pregnancy and birth though. Then I felt a bit shell-shocked, how can I be in charge of this tiny human?!?

I had a difficult birth - about 40 hours & forceps - and I was unconscious by the time DS was actually born. I woke up 8 hours later, so confused I couldn't remember why I was in hospital. I had to be reminded I'd given birth, and told I had a boy.

I didn't feel anything for him at all - a sort of detached exhaustion - for the first week or so. But it passed and by about two weeks in, I had bonded and we were fine. Then I turned into a very protective mum and wanted to rip the arms off anyone who went near him.

I felt like a fraud for a while because I have no idea what it is like to actually give birth, but decided that all that mattered was we had both survived and ds is happy & healthy.

Alternating between so so tired and worried I'd made the wrong decision to have another kid, and pure sweet love. Post partum is mental. I say anything goes, you just have to get through it.

Exhausted and excited- easy pregnancy and birth though.

I was in love and extremely happy straight away. PND didn't kick in until about 4 months (name regret was involved, which is what I think caused it. Been fine again since changing his name!). Always felt bonded.

Thank you, it's so interesting to hear all your varied responses.

I think what I'm keen not to do is immediately assume my PND is back if I don't feel much after this birth. In my first birth, I assumed I was an awful person for not bonding immediately, and spiralled from there. It's really helpful to hear from people who bonded slowly but didn't go on to have mental health issues.

Relief it was over and baby was out was the first feeling each time. Then just shock and fascination that this baby had just come out of me. It takes time to get to know and love a brand new person

With DC1 had a traumatic birth and ended up with forceps in theatre. My first thoughts were - thank fuck that over and I’m not dead.

With DC2 I had a home birth and immediately had that rush and felt amazing. My first thought was there my son my family is complete.

First baby, I just felt terrified. Didn't feel any rush of love or any bond. He was a difficult baby & I really struggled emotionally, but our bond grew & now 4 & we are closer than ever.
Second baby, felt very happy, but again didn't feel an instant rush of love. It came much sooner, but I haven't ever experienced what you hear from others, of an instant love.

So relieved she was healthy. But surprised how cute she was (she’s very good-looking). I didn’t feel intense love or that I was ‘meeting’ her, we’d met many months befor when she started hiccuping and tickling me.

I just felt “brilliant, the baby is healthy, that’s a relief, dad can hold her, now how can I get this frickin placenta out and get some stiches done so I can wash and go to sleep.”

(Baby looked incredibly surprised, that was quite funny to see. She just looked at each of us as if she was thinking “omg what have we got here and where has all the normal stuff gone.” Then she went to sleep.)

I had a PPH so DS was whisked away to DH while the doctors worked on me. By the time I was sorted, I'd had no sleep in 36 hours and major blood loss so I just felt sick, numb and exhausted, and like I was having an out of body experience. DS then also didn't sleep and would not be put down so it was several weeks before I got more than 30 mins of broken sleep. It took a good few weeks before I felt anything about anything, let alone DS.

I had an awful time giving birth to dc1 (including lasting birth injuries to me), followed by great difficulty breastfeeding and PND.

I did not realise just how much I had been traumatised by the birth, until, very late in pregnancy with dc2, a midwife picked up on my emotions during a group ante-natal class. She took me aside after the class and made me an appointment with a specialist midwife.

This midwife sat with me for 2 hours going through the hospital notes from my first labour. She was entirely accepting of my confusion, distress and anger. It was a relief not to be told "Baby's fine, and that's what matters." It was a relief not to be talked down to. The midwife explained why things happened and where things should have been dealt with differently.

Most importantly for me, she gave me explicit permission to say "No."

Obviously I already knew that I did not have to just accept anything any HCP wanted to do, but it can be extremely difficult to advocate for yourself in such an overwhelming situation. Especially if you feel you have to justify your "No". And while dh did try to advocate for me, it was completely new and overwhelming to him as well, and all he wanted was for me and the baby to be safe.

I went into the second labour secure in the knowledge that it did not have to go the same way as the first. That I had more control over my environment and my treatment than I had thought.

As it happened, when I arrived on the labour ward, the exact same midwife team was on duty as with my first birthing. I said to the one midwife that I remembered caring for me with gentle, firm kindness "I do not want X to come anywhere near me. I want you to look after me." And she did. I did not see X again. My request was accepted without any justification required.

The birth of dc2 was hard work, but not distressing. I felt supported and listened to. I tore again, but this time was treated like a conscious human being while she stitched me, rather than like a piece of meat (I had been stitched by a different person before).

I can honestly say that that second birth wiped away the trauma of the first. I still struggled to establish breastfeeding, but had no PND. Subsequent births were even better.

I do not honestly think that the trauma or otherwise of the labour has any influence on how quickly I felt bonded with my baby, or the overwhelming love for them. In fact, with the easiest birth of all it took me the longest to feel the bond and the love.

With each of mine love grew pretty much daily for the first 2-4 weeks (although not sure I always recognised it at the time). There wasn't an instant overwhelming love - although I was happy/relieved and wanted to care for my babies. I sort of realised I was more in love as the days and weeks past.

Definitely don't jump to any assumptions if it's not a deep feeling instantly.

Complete love, couldn't stop looking at them. Had baby blues when my milk came in, unrelated to baby just a dark feeling of anxiety and sadness at around the same time each day for about a week. Exhaustion. Felt the need to be with my oldest a lot when 2nd was born - didn't want to get wrapped up in baby and miss out on her (she was 2).

I felt a bit shell shocked initially, overwhelmed mixed with excitement and relief that she was here and healthy and the birth wasn't as bad as I had built up in my head.

Fast forward being home a few days and lack of sleep and knowing what on earth I was doing meant the baby blues then crept in and I remember thinking I love her and want to protect her... but the adapting to change took me to about 12 weeks to really start thinking differently and accepting my new role as a mum, initially I felt like perhaps I wasn't cut out for it. Just the simple things like showering and leaving the house felt a major task but as time went on those things became more routine with a baby in tow.

She is now 4 1/2 months old and although I still have days where I miss my old more carefree life mainly not having to think about someone else 24/7 and the weight of constant worry on my shoulders and the overwhelming sense of responsibility being a parent brings, but... I look at her and just feel so much love now. She has her own little personality developing and we get out the house a lot for walks and even just little trips to the supermarket for something to do.

I think everyone is different, for me, my husband was worried I had PND as I didn't get that rush of love and struggled in those early days/weeks however I think it's important for new mums to know that baby blues is very real and common so not all feelings of sadness and overwhelmed automatically mean PND. It okay to feel overwhelmed and even mourn your previous life before baby. If it doesn't pass within a few weeks/month then seek help.

I think social media sets unrealistic expectations when it comes to having a baby and that's why society places so much expectation on women when it comes to becoming a mum.

Despite a hugely traumatic birth and her being resuscitated and whisked away to NICU before I could touch her, I felt the massive rush of love immediately, I've never been so happy. It was so weird in hindsight as she was so ill and I recall cheerily chatting and joking with the nurses looking after me, they must have thought I was nuts. Perhaps I was delirious but the feelings didn't fade and although it was the best part of a week before I was able to hold her I felt bonded straight away. I know I was very lucky - it was pure hormones that kicked in.

I surprised myself as I did feel that instant rush of love. I thought I wouldn’t as I had been so anxious, and throughout pregnancy had worried I was doing the wrong thing having a baby.

But when she was delivered (by ELCS) I felt utterly euphoric. Such a pure happy moment with her there lying on my chest.

Later on the enormity hit me more, with the exhaustion and reality of my life completely changing, and having no time to even shower or eat a meal in peace. But even when I feel a bit down, I still adore her.

Exhausted, but I couldn’t keep the smile off my face and still cannot express the overwhelming love I feel, and the strength that you would do everything to protect and care for them.

I hope you have a smoother time this round.

First there wasn't the instant love. Took a while to really bond. But I didn't feel detached. Just not overwhelming love. Got it with my second. Was a completely different experience! But I did suffer with anxiety with the second for a few months.

1st baby i was exhausted and after an emergency c section looked at him and asked dp to look after him whilst i slept. Id had an horrific 19hrs labour. When i woke up and held him i knew i loved him but there was no rush of love like id been expecting. When he was about 4mths old we were driving home from my mums and he was babbling away in the back of the car and i had to pull over because i couldnt see from crying about how much i loved him.

2nd baby i felt relief that she was healthy and like with the 1st knew i loved her but no big overwhelming rush of love. Shes 5 now and ive never had a rush of love but i adore her.

3rd who was a surprise baby i felt an overwhelming feeling of peace and like our family was complete instant rush of love.

The way i felt after birth hasnt affected the bond i have with any of them.