How did you feel when your baby was born?

[Thetractorjustmoved]

I had a traumatic first birth followed by immediate awful PND and PSTD. so didn't feel anything for my baby when he was born, other than terror and a vague sense I was in a dream.

4 years later (and lots of pyschological help!) I'm due my second. I want to have realistic expectations of the birth and meeting my second child, even if I don't get PND again. I think I still have a distorted view of what is 'normal' to feel after birth and don't want to set myself up for a fall.

For those of you who didn't go on to have mental health issues, how did you feel when you met your baby? Positive? Happy? Shellshocked? Thanks in advance.

Definitely shellshocked.

And then felt like someone’s baby had come to stay with us. I looked after him etc and liked him but he definitely felt like a new visitor.

Didn’t really get the love until about 6 months, it grew gradually.

Traumatic first birth, in theatre thought baby had died and no one thought to tell us she was alive whilst working on her. Second I was really worried that it would be the same but the moment he was born I loved him, it went through my head oh my God, I actually do love you.

First was a shock and took me a few months to know I actually loved them. Second I had an elective c section which took all the unexpected factors, all the trauma out of it for me and I bonded immediately. Felt like she was the darlingest sweet little thing and by far the best baby in the ward.

First one: totally detached, baby blues for about a month. Felt like I’d never recover physically or mentally at the time.

Second one: instant rush of love - immediately.

Relieved

Yes this. Shell-shocked as well but in a positive way if that makes sense. She's 16 months now and that overwhelming love is still there, she always makes me want to be the best person I can be for her. So even if I'm having the worst day or having a meltdown to my husband, she will never see this.

In the first few months though I definitely had some anxiety creeping in (intrusive thoughts or visions of me dropping her down the stairs etc)- not sure how normal that is. I'd often wake in the middle of the night scared that I'd forgotten to put her in her crib after a feed, etc. A lot of that was probably due to tiredness as well.

DD1 I remember being in labour and not communicating with anyone just zoning out, then the second she was out sitting bolt upright to grab for her. I was vomiting a lot as it was such a fast labour and I felt so sick that after the initial cuddle I couldn’t focus on anything other than the nausea. I had to go to theatre after the birth and was given anti sickness medication which knocked the nausea on the head. I was panicking the whole time thinking ‘I don’t love my baby’. But the second we were reunited I was completely in love. Frightened, but in love.

DD2 was a planned section. I had the love when she was plonked onto me and she latched straight away and it was just beautiful. But the medication I had just seemed to knock me on my arse for about 24 hours and I could barely open my eyes, I just felt like a zombie. Again I felt a little detached and panicked, but less panicked than the first time as I knew the love was there and would come. When the effects of the medication wore off I felt happy and confident and very much in love with my baby.

I think the physical shock of the births, and the medication, definitely had an impact on my ability to feel emotions properly immediately after they arrived, but that makes sense as it’s unlikely you’ll feel euphoric if you feel really unwell. Good luck with your second birth OP.

A bit amazed, quite excited. Never got the oft described 'rush of unbelievable love and protectiveness'. Not everyone gets this and not doing so does not mean anything is, so please don't worry about that.

*anything is wrong

I definitely didn’t feel a rush of love, just a feeling of intense responsibility and a bit of shock. I definitely felt I was just going through the motions for several weeks, but I knew in my head that I loved my son even though I didn’t have the overwhelming rush of love some people talk about. I can’t pinpoint a moment it began feeling that way but I certainly do love him endlessly now and the sight of him regularly fills me with joy.

Dc1, I lost consciousness during my emcs. He went to nicu and I lost the plot. Ended up being diagnosed with postpartum psychosis, ptsd, pnd and gad in the weeks and months that followed. Didn't believe he was mine, panicked every time the doorbell rang in case it was his "real" mum although that was better than the beginning where I thought he was a doll and that they were spying on me to see if I deserved a baby. Took me a long time to allow myself to bond.

Dc2, also an emcs. They dropped the curtain so I could watch and it hit me when she was still half inside me. One look at her beautiful grumpy little face and I was lost. I had a bit of baby blues when my milk came in, couldn't stop crying for a couple of days but compared to dc1, it was absolutely fine. Some guilt for the difference in how I felt but it also helped me realise just how ill I had been with dc1 and that it wasn't just me being a bad mother for not loving him instantly.

I had my DD at home, I was quite dehydrated by the time she arrived because I was afraid of being sick again so didn't make a point of drinking during the labour. I was tired.

When she was born I felt overwhelmed, almost like I didn't know how to feel so I went through the motions. She cried and I held her and calmly said "it's ok, I'm here"

I felt the need to protect her, but I didn't get the rush my own mother had told me about.

I think a lot of women don't get the "rush" but that is ok.

I hope you're experience second time is positive.

Oh your first birth sounds so much like mine. A terrible sense of unreality and like a pretend mother for so long
So glad you had a more positive experience second time round!

My first I loved very much but our bond was definitely broken by my abusive relationship I was in at the time. She’s 8 now and I still don’t have much of a bond with her even though I love her fiercely.
My second was instant. Obsessed with him. Still can’t bare to apart from him and he’s nearly 1 now. My strong bond with him has further dampened my bond with my daughter which breaks my heart.

DS the initial feeling was shock that this purple slimy thing had just been pulled out of me. I fell in love with him during the first night in hospital while he was sleeping. No PND
DD the initial feeling after birth was I felt quite high. No particular feelings towards DD that I remember. I had pre and post natal depression with her and didn't feel like I fell in love with her until she was about 15 months old.

Numb and sore. And annoyed. I tore badly so it took a while for them to stitch me up and the gas and air wasn't doing anything. Despite being in awful pain, I was still left holding the baby throughout when all I wanted to do was grip the side of the chair as hard as I could to help me deal with the pain. It was better when we got home, although DC1 was an awful feeder and took a while to get the hang of it. I felt battered, sore and in thrall to a red-faced, hungry, despotic little tyrant who just wanted to scream at me the whole time. It got better within a couple of weeks when everyone (midwives, DH, family) fucked off out of the house and left me alone with DC1 and we started developing our own routine. In particular, it was great not to have to contend with all the 'breast is best' and 'just keep going' pep talks which I'd been getting from everyone up till then and I quietly moved to mixed feeding for a bit until we got better at breastfeeding without feeling I had to justify it to anyone. It probably took a few months for me to bond properly with DC1 (we have a great bond now). Separately from that, I'm still pissed off about certain aspects of my post-birth treatment/experience after DC1 but this time round (giving birth to DC2 soon) I'll hopefully have more confidence to challenge things and stand up for myself and I'm less stressed as I have more idea about what to expect.

Relieved we were both OK. EMCS with 1st and planned CS with 2nd. I never had a rush of love, but the attachment was there.

I felt absolute delight and relief that she was out and I wasn't pregnant anymore as I hated it And then I was absolutely smitten, and slightly terrified. I felt a sense of recognition too, like I knew she was my daughter. I became more obsessed with each day.

With Dd1 I was definitely in shock at first, I fell in love with her when she was about a week old.

Dd2 I had quite a traumatic labour and an emcs, still felt like I was in shock when I first saw her! Surprisingly it took me a bit longer to properly bond with dd2 (I'd expected it to be quicker second time round), and I feel like falling in love with her has been much slower (but no less wonderful). But I also struggled with post natal anxiety so that could have played a part.

She's 8 months now and I still feel like some days I fall in love with her a little bit more ❤️

Wishing you luck op, and congratulations 😊

With first baby had a traumatic labour and no rush of love and it took weeks to Iove her. With second had a very easy birth and I adored her from the moment I saw her. I had an overwhelming sense that she belonged, that she fitted our family and that we hadn't been complete before but hadn't realised it.

I had an awful pregnancy (HG) and very difficult delivery. I held him but then wanted to put him back straight away because I was in so much pain. I think I bonded with with him a few weeks later. I remember in hospital because I stayed there for 3 days leaving him in his little wheelie cot and not wanting to get up to snuggle with him and instead hoping he just slept so I didn't have to get up as I didn't want to deal with it.

I was tired, hungry and vaguely wanted them to take this terrifying annoying noisy thing away so I could have a sleep. I still felt like his "real" mother might turn up for the first couple of months.

I felt more bonded from the start with my second, but no "rush of love". It grew slowly.

I felt relief as had anxiety all through my pregnancy so I loved her immediately and just felt relief and happiness. Day 3 though gosh that was a hard day.

I had a straight forward pregnancy and birth with no mental health problems. I felt this overwhelming love for him the minute I held him and love him more each day (he's just turned 1).