How did you feel when your baby was born?

[Thetractorjustmoved]

I had a traumatic first birth followed by immediate awful PND and PSTD. so didn't feel anything for my baby when he was born, other than terror and a vague sense I was in a dream.

4 years later (and lots of pyschological help!) I'm due my second. I want to have realistic expectations of the birth and meeting my second child, even if I don't get PND again. I think I still have a distorted view of what is 'normal' to feel after birth and don't want to set myself up for a fall.

For those of you who didn't go on to have mental health issues, how did you feel when you met your baby? Positive? Happy? Shellshocked? Thanks in advance.

Like I had just been hit by a truck.

When they handed me my first, I felt scared, overwhelmed and freaked out. They placed her on my chest and without even realising, I put my hands up and away from her because I didn't want to touch her.
I didn't like her and didn't really want to acknowledge her. I looked after her because I had to...not because I wanted to.
It was after a month that I started feeling anything for her.

With my second, I was completely expecting to feel the same way but because it was less of a shock, I liked her much more initially and after a couple of weeks, loved her the same as my first

They're now 3 and 4 and I adore them both so much and couldn't imagine my life without them.

1st: elated, everything you’re meant to feel

2nd: broken, mentally blank from the pain, took a few days to get over

3rd: somewhere in between but mainly practical as everyone else was being chaotic

First baby was a long but uncomplicated labour and we went home the day she was born. I bonded pretty much straight away. Hated other people holding her as it still felt like she was part of me.

Second baby ended up in emergency section and 3 days in hospital. I’m convinced the time on the postnatal ward affected my bond with him. I’ve never felt so uncared about in my life and was convinced I’d accidentally kill him through exhaustion as the midwives were no help and I was broken. When we got home I didn’t dislike him but didn’t love him straight away, it took about 2 months for that to come. More than happy for him to passed around, so much less intense than with DD. He’s 3 months now and I definitely do love him, he’s a little cutie but it took me by surprise how different I felt.

basically, the more pain relief I have the better for initial response! Bonded with all the babies the same, perhaps more with #2 with the distressing birth.

Shell shocked

I had a traumatic birth due to pre-eclampsia.
Things went from 'youre being admitted for induction' to 'press the button and get the crash team, this isnt good' very quickly.
I remember her being born and plonked on my chest and after than i dont remember much apart from coming round to a crash team of 12 people and a blood transfusion in my arm.
I struggled to feel anything for weeks to be honest. I was unwell for 12 weeks following the birth due to complications which could have been prevented.
I thought she was cute but didnt have that mad rush of love.
Shes 11 months old now.
I dont know when I felt that rush of love, but I did. It didnt come easily and if Im honest, I should have asked for help as Im sure I had some form of PND.
But now I would rip peoples eyes out for her which is drastic I know but I feel so protective of her.
I guess everyone will feel things at different times. If you dont feel a bond immediately, thats ok. It will come.
Just be kind to yourself.

I thought it will be the sweetest moment in my life when the baby would be put on my chest for the first time. I'd be a crying mess etc.

In reality I was shocked from the vacuum and second degree tears with no pain relief (wasn't the plan).
Felt nothing when DS was put on my chest; eventually I smiled (only because I knew midwives were looking at me and that's what I was supposed to do).

He was then a colicky baby who would scream day and night and I had to endlessly rock him. I was terrified of him tbh.

DS is four months now and I still have a slight feeling of dread and anxiety when he wakes up.

The first rush of love I felt when it was just me and DS, driving to the shop at 5 weeks. I had a realisation that this is me, with my son, going shopping. It felt amazing. Second time when I was walking around the pharmacy looking for stuff and looked at the pram to see if he's okay, and he was there just staring at me mesmerisingly, and when he caught my gaze his smile was so so full of love.

And recently when I was giving him a bath, I was just looking at him and thinking 'I've waited my whole life for you'.

Every time he agoo's properly at me, it's so loving 🥰

First one - shell shocked, anxious as hell for about a year but fell in love the first night. Second one shell shocked, sad, hated having a winter baby and a toddler, felt low and trapped in the house. Took a while to fall in love but it did happen. Both straight forward CS but a little scary just having the op.

My first I didn't love him until he was about 3 months old. I felt protective of him as soon as he was born but didn't love him.

My second it took me about 6 weeks to love him but again I felt protective of him.
There were times with both of them in those first few weeks that if the midwife had offered to take them off my hands I would have accepted.

That was harder to type out than I thought.

My first was prem and had to be stimulated to start breathing. I was panicky until they told me she was breathing, then calm. They took her off to NICU and I mostly just glad it was over and a bit dizzy over it all (it was a very fast delivery).

Second was a healthy term baby i actually got to keep with me. I felt happy, relieved and chilled, and again a bit dizzy.

With neither did I feel the rush of love some people talk about, I think because I bonded gradually while they were still on the womb and was already at max love when they were born.

I think with both of mine I felt slightly stunned and very protective. Not the rush of love.

Wow. This is me exactly except ds is 6 weeks tomorrow and not felt proper love yet.

Thanks for all your answers, it's amazing how different everyone's experience could be, depending on so many factors. I wish I'd read this before I gave birth first time round!

Euphoric, in love, pure utter contentment, totally at peace. All three times. I wish I could have bottled all those feelings up and had them forever.

Definitely shell shocked. Looked at my partner and said what the fuck do we do now?! It's like you can't really appreciate the reality of it until it actually happens. But this was my first so might be different for second.

I felt numb - I held her but I didn't get the rush of love, in fact I actually remember DP putting her first vest etc on in the corner and not even being interested in looking over. I actually felt quite detached for some time.

Happiest moment of my life but also quite surreal. I remember thinking he couldn't possibly be mine and waiting on someone coming to take him. I stared at him for hours in those first few weeks🙈

I love my dds more than the sun, but the newborn days were a pretty dark time for me. They slept for incredibly short periods, and breastfeeding was really difficult and painful, and I just felt so overwhelmed and unable to cope. Plus I somehow hadn't worked out that I'd be caring for a newborn while still recovering from very painful birth injuries.

It did get better though!

But my memories of the first few months are just surviving the best we could tbh.

I'm sure not everyone finds it that way.

But I remember all the other mums I knew telling me how they were coping fine and their babies slept through. I felt like I was struggling alone. Now, years later, plenty of them have admitted they weren't actually coping, but I didn't know at the time. It was like every baby club was a competition to be the most perfect mum.

That's why I always tell people I found it really hard when they ask.

I felt the rush of love immediately (straightforward pregnancies and births). That didn't mean I didn't find the early days / weeks / months really tough though!

I felt shocked with my first. I didn’t want to let her out of my sight but I didn’t feel sudden love - weirdly I felt super protective over her but as if she was still a stranger that I had to get to know. I definitely grew love for her over time. Had undiagnosed PND as whilst I loved her I didn’t want to go on and felt that I wasn’t going to be the mum she need. Now 12 years later we are so close! By the time she was 6 months I took her everywhere I could and was so in love but it took me almost 3 years to find myself again.

thanks for starting this post as often I have to remind myself that we all react so differently after childbirth.

Exhausted but so elated and proud. Loved my ds even before he was born. He was very much longed for. I also remember thinking "Wow, he's really ours"

I remember feeling euphoric and I couldn't sleep that night as so high. I did have gas and air so maybe that contributed.

Relief, then a rush of being overwhelmed. The lovely midwife assured me it was the adrenaline etc. Then I slept for ten hours 🤣. Seemingly this isn't typical.

Son was fine with dad and I woke feeling excited but nervous. I think I changed him practically every hour and stuck a bottle in his mouth if he even twitched.

Second one was a very relaxed and more joyful feeling. I hope everything goes well.

First - terrible. Like my life was over, like I didn't know what I was doing, like I'd never sleep again, guilty that I felt nothing for the baby. But now he is 3 and we have a great relationship

Second - much better. It still took time for the bond to form, but nothing as bad as like with the first. I think it took a while to come to terms with how big a life change having a child would actually be...