Can he take me to court for this?

[CZP22]

I co parent with my daughters dad and everything has been fine. No rows, drama etc and we co parent well.
I have decided to move back to my home town and spoke to him regarding either sharing travel or meeting half way at weekends to maintain them having contact. He's had her overnight every weekend since birth.
This was his response
"When jake was little his mum took him away and I've missed out on so much, taking him to school etc. And for 8 years she has refused to do any of the travelling even though it's the moving parent that has to maintain contact, because she knows I weren't able to afford to take her to court. So I had no choice if I wanted to see him, I have to do 4hr round trip on a Fri and a Sunday costing me over £120 just to see him.
So if you think I'm gonna do the same with Zoe, after me telling you I'm i was in no position to have another child and couldn't afford another child when you got pregnant and you basically told me I had no choice, then you're mistaken. If you want to take her away then it's you who has to maintain contact. And a court will agree with me and luckily I'll be able to afford it this time."

Can he take me to court for this? How do I approach this amicably?
It's annoying he uses the premise that I got pregnant on purpose but I understand he feels upset

@CZP22 do not listen to idiots like @girlmom21
If he didn't want another child he should have taken responsibility for contraception himself or refrained from sex. He's being a dick.

An 1hr 40 is nothing - one end of London to the other can take much longer than that in traffic.

Keep offering to do it half the time or meet half way.
Let him take you to court.

Grade A arse.

Be aware that if you move and your daughter’s father doesn’t consent to her moving, there’s a not inconceivable chance if he applies to court they’ll direct you to return her to the local area while the proceedings go on.

It really upsets me when mothers are distracted by shiny new boyfriends and suddenly nothing else matters.

You have a child who by your own admission has a loving and hands on dad. YOU want to move to be with your partner (way way too soon to be moving in with him. Irrelevant how long you've been with him) and want your ex (fling) to cough up half the cash to see his daughter?

What happens if he can't afford it? Do you think the courts will say oh well

What happens when your daughter starts school and is absolutely knackered from all the travelling? What happens when that impacts her school work?

What happens when she can't have play dates or goes to friends parties because she's the other side of the country every weekend?

What happens when you inevitably pop out another sprig with new partner? You're going to travel every weekend with a newborn?

You clearly don't care about any of the above though, because it's all about you and your wants and needs.

You think the courts will look favourably on you because you want to move in with the new bf you've been with a few months?

Ridiculous. I hope he does take you to court and fingers crossed they see sense.

Goid decision. She's 8 months. Forgiveness is easier to get than permission.

Just remember, he's NOT acting in her best interest. If it goes to court, don't blather on about him being a good Dad, because he's not.

Hes had her a few hours every (???) weekend since birth (???). Now he wants her to grow up with an unhappy Mum with no support, away from family & friends, so he can see her for a few hours a week. depriving her of a happy mum, a family & a close extended family.

stop reading the thread. It's pulling in a lot of nastiest & will do you not good.

bedt of luck with your new life! You deserve it.

Reading comprehension isn't really your strong point is it!

Being close to your family & friends & partner is also important. Do not be bullied OP

A friend moved to Sweden to go back to her family. The courts allowed her, she only had to do half of the contact travelling.

It's not black & white.

A content happy mum is also important to a child's well being.

Some of the posters on here, jeezo you would think you were emigrating to oz

I would recommend driving lessons tho, good to show willing & be able to do half the contact yourself.

Please correct me, which part is wrong?

Your maths is wrong, even if you travel the hour and he travels 40 minutes to meet semi halfway, he still has 40 minutes back so 80 minutes driving, under the current arrangements on Saturday and then back on Sundays. It also means over the course of two days your baby will be in the car for at best 3 hours 20 minutes but with traffic/delays it could be more. I wouldn't want that for a baby every weekend.

You also haven't said if you are moving in the same direction as his other child and hope he is meant to pick up his son, while he's now travelling to collect his daughter. It does feel very unfair. You both ended up with a pregnancy, you chose to continue it, you now get your happy ever after with your new partner and he by your account works all the hours god sends in the week and spends his weekends on the road, cutting into his time with both children.
I can see why he's upset.

I cant believe people are saying 'you choose to have the baby instead of an abortion' and 'you knew he already had commitments to another child' that legally does not give him any right to ditch out on commitments to THIS child.

This isn't still the time of victorian illegitimacy law fgs.

OP can move to a place where she has support if she wants/needs, she has zero requirement to stay where is conveniant to him at her own cost (women do not have to martyr themselves for men to have easier lives) and he STILL has to be equally responsable for his child regardless.

Actually, you're wrong. The dad can apply for a court order to stop the baby from being moved until proceedings are over.

Good on you OP. Hope the move goes well and you live happily ever after. Best to do it now.

You've been consistently clear with a decent proposal and plan, practical & financial.
You are happy to meet him halfway.

Go for it!! 🥰

I think you should spend the next 6 months travelling on the bus/train to see your partner every weekend. All the way there and all the way back on public transport on a Friday and then returning on a Sunday. If you find you can't do it, it's too much etc then ask yourself why exactly your kids dad and your child should do it if you can't/won't. Especially considering you knew he already had to travel so far for contact with his OTHER child when you decided to go ahead with the pregnancy. You really are risking the relationship with your child's sibling as well as your child dad. Is he supposed to travel 120 miles to get one kids, then another 100 miles to get yours? That's not fair on the kids. Is he supposed to alternate weekends? That's not fair on the kids OR him.

Plenty of people postpone live in relationships and prioritise their kids, until the kids are older etc. maybe in high school? It would be a crying shame if your child never had her dad pick her up from school etc or go to parents evening/school plays .

Shes moving an hour away from a weekend father... she hasnt kidnapped the child and fled the country.

Of course no court will ban her from moving or force her return, I use to take approx. that amount of time on the bus just to get from the village to the city where I live and co-parents regularly lived in different villages/towns.

Well it's relevant because you are planning on severely disrupting your DD relationship with her father for a relationship that is less than 8 months long, or at least I hope so otherwise you were in a relationship with him whilst pregnant with another man's child.

You can call me judgemental, but that is just a bit 'ick'.

HE should have thought about that before impregnanting 2 women he had no plan on staying with... its not OP responsability.

You say that but I’ve seen it happen on several occasions. I work in the family courts.

It’s entirely possible the court will grant permission but nobody here knows that for a fact and it’s absolutely not a given, so OP needs to know - as she asked - that yes the courts absolutely will get involved and there is a risk they’ll order her to return, and a risk that if the judge determines a move isn’t in the child’s best interests that they’ll prohibit the move.

What is obvious here is even when the other parent admits that he is a good father some people will still look to knock any man who has a child!

she is the one who is taking actions which no matter what will have a negative impact on the relationship between father and daughter.

@Cyw2018 please read my other comments. Again, he's not done random bloke. And no I wasn't with him when I was pregnant,. But he was a huge support to me during my pregnancy and has been a huge support to me for 14 years as he's my best friend who then fell in love with each other.

I wish people wouldn't just assume in jumping from bloke to bloke 🙄

You want to move, it’s not ten hours away. Let him take you to court. You have offered midway option, now let him do what he likes - if he is going to court , he is going to court ! You don’t know if he will meet someone and move away yet , no one knows what the future holds. Everything changes.

So forgetting that you've known this man a while, you've been in an actual relationship with him for less than 8 months?

What do you think the courts will say when you tell them you moved a child away from its father to move in with someone you've been in a relationship with for 8 months?

Be careful OP. It's not unknown for the courts to strip custody from the mother when she clearly puts her interests above her child's.

You've ignored all my questions in my last post RE balancing all the travel with school etc when the time comes. That is what the court will be looking at.

It doesn't matter who did or didn't want the child (neither of them did btw, she was an accident), the child is here and both parents love her and want to be in her life, so attacking the father is stupid. He only sees his baby one night a week and now he is being told he is going to have to spend a chunk of that time in the car driving. That also means over 3 hours in 24 hours for the baby. That's horrible for them both.

Exactly

What's his contact arrangement with his other child?

Read my later comments before you start throwing insults around and tagging me.

Sorry you are getting a hard time.

Yes. He can take you to court. The outcome is realistically 3 option.

1. Move is blocked
2. You do all the travelling.
3. You do majority of travelling.

In your position I would try very hard to get an out of court agreement. As 2/3 of the options above wouldn't be ideal for you.

I also would think longterm whether that length of car journey every week is in the best interest of your child. I would be tempted to offer EOW, extended holiday periods and you do all the driving.

Wishing you the best op.