Career Mum’s how do you do it?

[Isitjustus]

Hiya,

Not sure what I am looking for but want to know I’m not alone I guess.

I work full time over 4 days, I have a 21/2 year old and I also do all the cleaning etc at home.

I thought as my little one got older it would get easier but it’s the opposite. Every day is a struggle.

Our little one is in childcare 4 days a week and then with me 3, my hubby works long hours and starts at 5am so it’s just me in the mornings.

I have a bit of OCD cleaning and keep our home pristine, I clean for about 1/1.5 hours a day, I do my hair/make up everyday which I always have and didn’t want to lose myself after having a baby. To get everything done in time I am getting up at 4.30/5am.

On my weekday off I will spend 4 hours cleaning our 2 bed place. My hubby does help but obviously he’s not here in the mornings and if he does something I will often redo it myself (yes I am one of them). Also my little one is getting harder, kicking off because they want to stay home with me and not go to the childminder, even just getting them dressed and out of the door is a struggle.

I guess I am just struggling and wonder if anyone else has been in this position. How do you do it all? What can I do as I am feeling so overwhelmed.

Thank you if you have got this far and have any advice etc.

x

Generally people don't keep their house in pristine condition when they have children under 6. 😁

What’s the benefit of spending 10 hours + cleaning your flat every week? I probably spend fifteen minutes after a meal cleaning away and then a couple of hours at the weekend going round with the hoover or doing the bathroom. Might dust once a month and clean the windows once every summer solstice. I guess getting a cleaner is the obvious? I’m not saying you’re wrong to do it or be houseproud but honestly it’s the one dramatic difference I can see. I’ve got three kids (3 and under) though so I wouldn’t have the time even if I had the inclination to be houseproud.

By not cleaning 10 hours a week (!) and having a DH that shares all the work that comes with living in a home together and having a child.

Honestly reading your post made me wonder about your anxiety - I'm not sure if you are diagnosed with OCD or just using that word lightly but I would suggest that actually some talking therapy to address these behaviours and what sits behind them might be really beneficial for you.

On a practical note the way we both work full time (in pressured jobs) is a cleaner, in the summer someone to help in the garden, online shopping, after school club and as I said an equitable split of tasks and care for our child.

Oh, I also look like a homeless person most of the time 😂

1.5 hours cleaning a day when everyone is out of the house all day. I think you need to seek help with your self diagnosed OCD.

Clean less

You need to sort your priorities. You can't do everything, so you will have to decide what you want to dedicate your time to. If you can't give up on the cleaning, spend less time on putting on make up etc. If you can't envisage getting out of the house without your usual beauty routine, then you need to reduce the cleaning. If you don't want to give up on either, you need to reduce your hours at work.

I don’t clean 1-1.5 hours every day and don’t put make up on.

I don’t spend much time cleaning, DH does at least half of the housework and I don’t spend much time on hair/don’t wear makeup - I haven’t ‘lost myself’, but seriously, men with careers don’t do that so why should a woman? Don’t put so much pressure on yourself!

You spend too much time cleaning. Time with your DC, food and clean clothes are important. I worked full time and kept the house ‘clean enough’. If we were having visitors I’d clean the rooms they would see. It does rather sound as if you are obsessed with cleanlinessl

By hiring a cleaner, and not wasting 1.5 hours a day cleaning plus my entire weekend. Single mother of 3. Long commute too. I also manage to look presentable without getting up at 4:30am.

The issues isn't that you have a career, the issue is that you spend so long each day cleaning. If it's a proper diagnosed case of OCD then I'd suggest seeking help as it's clearly impacting your life significantly. I have a three year old and the same working pattern. We have a cleaner once a week but I'd guess I do about 5/10 mins of tidying a day.

A 2 bed flat does not need that amount of cleaning

I think you know the answer to your question OP - by not cleaning for 1.5 hours per day when you're all out of the house.

We keep on top of kitchen surfaces & put the robot hoover on twice a day and have a cleaner once a week. Takes no time at all. I get up at 6, get myself ready, empty the dishwasher and have a brew before getting the kids up at 7 and out by 7.45. No great dramela and we then have the evenings basically to ourselves or to catch up on work if needed.

You probably would benefit from seeking help for your anxiety around cleanliness.

For comparison we do a tidy / clean on a Saturday morning once a week (an hour), and a deep clean for a couple of hours every other Saturday (couple of hours). Everyone will have different levels of tolerance for clean, but I would say 10 hours of cleaning a week is really excessive and it’s clear it’s affecting your life and mental health.

Could you get an appt with your GP? If you could work on your OCD, you would literally gain hours of your life back each week.

You sound like you’re a great mum, but your OCD is making things much harder for you xx

We have a cleaner 3hrs once a fortnight and only clean the toilets and kitchen in between. Your level of cleaning is not normal and is not a good thing.

Take an honest look at everything in your day and work out if you need to do it and if it can be done quicker. Them out your child in childcare for a couple of hours on your day off to get the big jobs done then. My hair and make-up routine takes all of 5 mins, cleaning is pretty efficient so maybe 15 mins a day as everything is in the right place, and I'm firm enough with my kids consistently that they don't play up massively. I also made sure we live near childcare and work from home.

Daily routine is pretty much get up 7-7.30, get kids dressed, dress while they have breakfast, drop offs, quick brekkie and work, pick ups, chill out together, dinner, bed, clean and tidy and lay out for tomorrow, relax, bed.

Truthfully, I have a husband who does half the housework and I'm not a perfectionist about it. Definitely not spending that long cleaning every weekend. We hoover, clean kitchen and bathroom weekly but dusting etc happens very rarely (tidy and wash up, do laundry as we go). Also don't wear make-up and have low maintenance hair but then I always have - completely understand the urge to keep some pre-baby things like that. Also, DH works same hours I do so 50:50 is easier.
Sympathy about the kicking off. DD is a bit like that too atm and recently bedtime has been a struggle, which is draining as it eats up lots of our free evening time. I just keep telling myself it's a phase!

But there isn't a magic bullet here: you need to lower your standards in some areas and find a way to spread the house and childcare load more evenly. I think that's what it boils down to

I don’t clean 1-1.5 hours per day and my hair and makeup routine is very streamlined so 15 minutes at the most in the morning. If you actually have OCD rather than just some skewed priorities about what your house should look like then perhaps you could seek some support on how you manage this issue specifically.

In my organisation - senior partners earn very good money. I know a couple with children, which is hard to manage when a standard week is a minimum of 60 hours. Generally it's a case of relying on family for childcare or getting a nanny and having cleaners, gardeners etc etc.

There is only so much anyone can fit into one day unless you are a very lucky person who can thrive off 4-6 hours sleep a night.

You know the answer before you’ve already asked!

No house needs that much cleaning every day. You need to get a cleaner.

House is far from pristine
DH does housework too
Don't wear makeup

We did have a cleaner for a while. That was fab!

My hubby does help but obviously he’s not here in the mornings and if he does something I will often redo it myself (yes I am one of them)

From your OP, this is the one habit I would really focus on breaking. Get a cleaner if you can possibly afford it and get DH doing something round the house that you don't feel the need to redo as it's a waste of his time otherwise, never mind yours.

Truthfully, at present I'm failing at every turn (work fulltime, kids are 4 and 2).

You really do need to relax on the cleaning. That's a huge amount of time you could be spending cleaning, playing, working, whatever. If you genuinely have OCD I'd get in touch with your medical professionals. If you used the term as a colloquialism I'd have a think about what it would cost you to dial it back a little. A two bedroom home will still be perfectly clean, tidy and comfortable with half that cleaning.

But yes, it is very hard. Basically - you can't be all things to all people, so pick the most important things and let the rest slide a bit.

My DH does half, not just help.

We have a cleaner.

I don't wear make up (but I didn't pre children either).

Your killing yourself with all that cleaning!
Day to day we wipe benches and run the hoover round but that’s it. And DH helps because it’s his house as well.

I also don’t wear make up. I basically get up, shower, get dressed in 15 mins.

I think it’s your high standards causing you so much distress.

My DS also hates nursery drop off at the moment so I do feel your pain!

try looking up the organised mum method, I find this helpful to loosely stay on top of the house and not have to do housework at a weekend. we have a total of 7 rooms in our house and clean for 30 mins a day max and it’s very clean and tidy.