Career Mum’s how do you do it?

[Isitjustus]

Hiya,

Not sure what I am looking for but want to know I’m not alone I guess.

I work full time over 4 days, I have a 21/2 year old and I also do all the cleaning etc at home.

I thought as my little one got older it would get easier but it’s the opposite. Every day is a struggle.

Our little one is in childcare 4 days a week and then with me 3, my hubby works long hours and starts at 5am so it’s just me in the mornings.

I have a bit of OCD cleaning and keep our home pristine, I clean for about 1/1.5 hours a day, I do my hair/make up everyday which I always have and didn’t want to lose myself after having a baby. To get everything done in time I am getting up at 4.30/5am.

On my weekday off I will spend 4 hours cleaning our 2 bed place. My hubby does help but obviously he’s not here in the mornings and if he does something I will often redo it myself (yes I am one of them). Also my little one is getting harder, kicking off because they want to stay home with me and not go to the childminder, even just getting them dressed and out of the door is a struggle.

I guess I am just struggling and wonder if anyone else has been in this position. How do you do it all? What can I do as I am feeling so overwhelmed.

Thank you if you have got this far and have any advice etc.

x

But you don't need to deep clean your bathroom and kitchen daily. The lampshades, the fridge, curtain poles also don't need daily cleaning. Most probably need to be cleaned once a week.
I know you say you've always been the same. But the 'same' isn't quite the norm. This is not how most people even without kids live. And it's not healthy to be that obsessed by constantly cleaning your house. Whether you have a job or kids. I would really seek some help urgently.

Can I ask: let's say you didn't clean anything for 48 hours. How would you feel? Dread? Anxiety? Would you be able to concentrate?

For PPs who may have missed this- the OP doesn't have the finances to outsource this and wakes up at 4 am to clean for 4 hours on her days off. And spends at LEAST 10-12 hours a week cleaning her house.

Hi OP, I just wanted to come on and say I know how you feel! I am less of a clean freak but I do feel a sense of anxiety if the house is cluttered.
My situation is a bit different, DD is 2.5 as well but I work 4 standard days and DH helps every morning so i manage to have a bit more time to myself.

My suggestion would be to drop down to 4 normal days and not doing a full-time job squashed into 4 days.
Also as PPs have said you should try your hardest to get over the cleaning thing - try and be your own therapist and work out what it is that's making you do so much.. how did you cope in the new born days? Surely you let some things go so give yourself permission to do that now. Also solidarity to have a 2 year old and working because I massively struggle with it too! Xxx

My darling, you poor thing. It must be very stressful to feel like your curtain poles need to be clean.

I wonder would something like the Organised Mum Method work for you? It’s basically a cleaning plan so everything gets done at some stage but it would mean you don’t have to do everything all the time.

Also full time over four days is incredibly difficult. Can you change that?

What can you do? Ummm stop cleaning for four hours a day and do it once a week, or get a cleaner.

Shonda Rhymes have a great speech on this. When you see a career woman/mother successful in one aspect of her life it almost certainly means they are 'failing' in another (not sure I'd agree failing but this was her words)
Basically something always has to give
I work full time and have a 9 month old dd, the cleaning in my house really lacks.

I don't want to upset you, but I think you might have some mental health issues. That amount of cleanining isn't a good way to spend your time. Of course, if I could afford a cleaner, a spotlessly clean and tidy house would be lovely, but it's much better (for my child, for my physical health and for my mental health) to get out and meet friends, go for a walk, etc etc than clean as much as I can

Also, whilst I'm on mat leave I love cooking all sorts which causes such a mess!! But it would be a dull life if I did nothing for fear or making mess to clear up

The honest answer is they you can't. And I hate to tell you but it doesn't get easier as they get older. They have after school stuff to get to, you don't want to leave teens I observed etc etc...
We've got 4 kids and the youngest is now 8. We have four schools to get to (junior, high school, sixth form). I work full time. The house is a state. We spend all weekends batch cooking. We're knackered.
Finally in a financial position that I can go part time. (I earn less so it's not a choice between DP and I). I've got reservations re giving up/Pausing my career but I'm also exhausted and I feel like I'm failing at work and at home. So I've got a month left til I go part time and tbh on balance I can't wait!

If that's not an option get DP to help more/outsource house work if you can/accept things aren't going to be perfect.

This isn't a question about how career mums do it, the question should be how do you get help with your obsession with cleaning.

It has nothing to do with juggling everything else, you wouldn't feel like you were drowning if you addressed the elephant in the room.

And if it makes you feel better, I have a full time family helper who deals with all things cleaning, laundry, school pick ups and activity drop offs etc and my house still isn't spotless. And nor frankly, should it be.

Low standards of housekeeping.
Hubby behaves as equal partner in family life.
Toddler years you just have to keep going somehow, it will pass.

A small start - just little swap, instead of deep cleaning the bathrooms daily, switch to every other day. See how big of a difference that makes, and how little difference to the state of the room. Nothing is happening in that extra 24 hours to mean it needs deep cleaning.

I didn't - I left my medical career in 2016. I'm retraining in a field now which should be more family friendly.

You get up at 4am to clean? Right.

You need to both lower your standards and get a cleaner if you can. People with very small children do not have pristine homes FACT!

Have you been diagnosed OCD as this is a MH issue and lot of people laugh and joke they have 'a bit of OCD' when infact they don't..
If not, ask yourself do you really need to clean the house 1.5h a day everyday?
I have 18mo, I work full time and currently studying for a degree too.
I do house work once a week on a Saturday or Sunday morning where I spend about 2-3h on it. It's not pristine, but it's clean and tidy.
I do my hair and makeup when I am working but if I'm not I don't bother.

Pristine house and that much time on hair and make up = not enough time for other things
Sorry but that isn't the priority.

So your question how do we do it? Not having a pristine house and less time doing hair and make up

You don't need to let yourself go but times definitely need adjusting x

It is a struggle a lot of the time! For me, I had to cut back on cleaning. I used to clean that frequently and for even longer, but I've come to set a date for cleaning so that everything is regulated and I don't lose my mind. I also have OCD so I get the struggle!