Career Mum’s how do you do it?

[Isitjustus]

Hiya,

Not sure what I am looking for but want to know I’m not alone I guess.

I work full time over 4 days, I have a 21/2 year old and I also do all the cleaning etc at home.

I thought as my little one got older it would get easier but it’s the opposite. Every day is a struggle.

Our little one is in childcare 4 days a week and then with me 3, my hubby works long hours and starts at 5am so it’s just me in the mornings.

I have a bit of OCD cleaning and keep our home pristine, I clean for about 1/1.5 hours a day, I do my hair/make up everyday which I always have and didn’t want to lose myself after having a baby. To get everything done in time I am getting up at 4.30/5am.

On my weekday off I will spend 4 hours cleaning our 2 bed place. My hubby does help but obviously he’s not here in the mornings and if he does something I will often redo it myself (yes I am one of them). Also my little one is getting harder, kicking off because they want to stay home with me and not go to the childminder, even just getting them dressed and out of the door is a struggle.

I guess I am just struggling and wonder if anyone else has been in this position. How do you do it all? What can I do as I am feeling so overwhelmed.

Thank you if you have got this far and have any advice etc.

x

I agree with the others, sack the cleaning off! Or if that's too much at least reduce the amount of time, and/or get a cleaner? You could try getting up half an hour later for example.

That's an enormous amount of cleaning! I agree with others that it's that that you need to address. I'm on mat leave with only 1 child and don't clean anywhere near as much as you do!

I mean I can't imagine cleaning this much, it's crazy to me. I also get ready really quickly and don't really wear make up. If you feel you are struggling then something has to give, you know you're going to have to reduce that time and actually rest or you're going to burn out.

I'm hardly a career person but I work three long days a week and have three children aged 2, 5 and 7.

I really really really recommend lowering your standards somewhere. I'm a hair and makeup type person so I still do that but I spend max 30 minutes tidying on a daily basis and I have an extra two children (and two cats!). My house isn't a tip and I like it tidy but nobody needs to be spending that much time cleaning.

If you have genuine OCD then that's different and you should try and seek help, but if it's just 'I like it tidy' then you might have to relax or you're going to kill yourself. If you're not having visitors then who even sees your house?

I agree that kids get harder at this age, my two year old is way harder to manage than when she was a little baby, she is trashing the place behind me as I tidy most of the time, it's fighting a losing battle! But they get easier again when they are older so hang in there, my five and seven year olds are quite easy now and tidy up after themselves mostly.

But ease up on yourself, you are making your own life more difficult for no real reason.

50/50 on any household work, cooking etc

Minimal amount of onoing cleaning (mainly wiping up after spills, hoovering when too many crumbs on the floor), cleaner comes every 2 weeks.

Simple meals and having leftovers to use during the week

Accepting a certain level of untidiness

Beauty routine consists of brushing my hair and putting moisturiser on.

And only grocery shopping online

We both work full time, child is 7. I probably spend a couple of hours a week cleaning and then there's washing on top. Yes our house is a bit of a mess but it's not filthy and quite frankly I don't want to spend my precious time off in the evening and weekends on my hands and knees scrubbing every nook and cranny of my home! I would highly recommend you try it, although I sympathise that it may not be as easy for you to do that.

Having a DH who is an equal partner and father.
More importantly, not cleaning so much. I have a 4 bed flat (I live in the US) and 2 kids and it requires not more than a 30-40 min tidy up and one weekly clean. That’s it.

Also 5 mins to do hair and less than 5 mins to do make up every morning. A little foundation, eye liner and lip balm and I look perfectly presentable. I am relatively senior at work so I have to look well groomed.

Do be aware that kids pick up on this stuff. At the moment you are spending more time cleaning than playing with your daughter and possibly (apologies if I am wrong) you are cleaning up after her as she plays. This will give her the impression that messy play is a bad thing. Whereas play is the foundation to all learning.

Try to pull back on the cleaning-although with the level you’re doing you might need to wean yourself off it. This is time you could be spending with your wee one!

Don’t stop spending the time in yourself. I made that mistake 25 years ago and am having to work hard to get it back! It’s good to value yourself and you’re worth that time.

clean less and look homeless 24/7

Not going to bother saying what everyone else has said (although they're right) it also jumped out at me that you're spending 4 HOURS cleaning on the day you have off with your kid. This time is so precious, OP! I have a 2yo as well, and my one day off with him (I work 4 days too) is spent at the park, finding sticks, going to playgroups, riding the bus, playing with his things, pottering in the garden... I love that time, and so does he. Before you know it he'll be at school and you won't have these days together anymore. Make the most of it while you can

Its likely that you would find it very difficult to live in mess or go out looking less than pristine so I wouldn’t listen to anyone suggesting that. We are all different, as are our standards.

However your standards are impacting your life so you need to reassess.

I would suggest the following

• cleaner once a week for 3 hours
• commit to only cleaning up after breakfast in the morning. That’s all that needs to be done.
• set a timer for 30 mins housework per evening and stop when this goes off

I wouldn’t try and change your personal care routine, you are who you are.

6… 16 😆

I don’t clean. House gets about an hour a week if that! I work 4 days and spend my day off out doing fun things with DD. I think it’s tragic to spend that precious time cleaning-you’ll never get that time back.

I also don’t spend any time on myself in terms of hair and make up. It’s just not on my radar. I’m more than my appearance!

What on earth are you cleaning for that amount of time? This isn't about having a career and children. This is about cleaning things that are already clean.

Example of a usual weekday (both work FT and 2 kids age 6 and 2.5)

Wake 6:30, quick shower, hair in a wrap. Dressed and makeup on
DH gives kids breakfast and unloads dishwasher and as soon as I appear downstairs he leaves (usually around 7)
Tidy up breakfast into dishwasher, set off a washload, get kids dressed. (done by 7:30/7:45)
Cup of tea while I sort my hair and kids watch some TV (timer goes off at 8:05)
Timer prompts big to get his bookbag coat and shoes and I sort littles shoes. all into car for 8:15.

Nursery and school drop off and then work until 5.

DH home at 4:30, starts dinner, runs the hoover around and empties washing machine which I've set off on morning.
Me and kids home at 5:30ish. Dinner we sit down together to eat at 6/6:15.

Boys go upstairs at 7:30 (7 if bathing little, big has taken to having showers) the one not doing that tidies around and sorts downstairs. Kids asleep between 8/8:30.
We sit for around an hour, check bookbag for letters, order new trainers or PE kit or whatever else one of them has outgrown today, watch something on TV. Bed around 10.

House is properly cleaned for 2 hours on a Saturday morning when DH takes kids to football.

This isn't about having a career and children. This is about cleaning

Completely this.

I have 2DC, a f/t job, and a husband who works long shifts. We don't currently have a cleaner, though I really wouldn't mind one...

Mornings - every as ready as possible the evening before. I get up before DC to have a shower and do my hair; I try and do make up too, but sometimes that gets put on when I get to the office if we're in a rush. No cleaning or tidying in the morning bar beds being aired or made.

Cleaning - I'm lucky to WFH 3 days a week, so tend to sacrifice my lunch hour to cleaning (the benefit is warming me up when I've got freezing sitting still all morening!). Hoover is run around most days, various stages of washing done, that's it really for the daytime. After dinner kitchen is wiped down. Bathrooms done either while I'm showering - I find it easiest to clean the shower while I'm in it - or while the kids are bathing. Dusting gets done at the weekends if needed, kids rooms then too if they need a hand tidying. Following what someone once said on here, all the little bits get done throughout the day - if you see something, do it. I'm not naturally a clean and tidy person but that mantra really helped.

I imagine that's quite roughly what a lot of people do, that half hour blitz of the kitchen and floors that fits into their day. What else are you doing to make up several hours a day?

You're trying to do everything. You're keeping your house pristine?
Is your job suffering at all?
Are your children?

Sounds like your priorities are

house
job
children

where they should be

children
your choice

Mine are
children
house
job

My role is primarily wife, mother, housekeeper, child rearer
then I look at work, that's my husband's areas as the breadwinner

You can't do everything.

I know many say this. Can I ask is your house dirty? Is say the bathroom dirty with a layer of grime? Just wondering. Mine seems to get like this quickly.

Are your kitchen sides messy with crumbs or dishes?

@bingbummy clean the bathroom while supervisi9ng the kids in the bath, takes 10 mins 2 or 3 times a week.
Kitchen clean as you go, so while things cook wipe down sides, cordless vacuum is run over a couple of times a day and takes under 5 mins. dishes straight into dishwasher or hot water and wash as used.

No my bathroom doesn’t have a layer of grime. I wipe down the kitchen counter after every meal. And one of us loads the dishwasher. Also we are at work and the kids are at school from roughly half 8 to 4 most days. How dirty could a house possibly get in the intervening period? Untidy yes…
But we all pitch in and tidy up before bedtime.

I work full-time over 5 days. 2 kids. It's hard and I'm hoping to drop to part-time in a couple of months. Husband also works full-time. Household tasks are done as quickly as possible and shared. If he doesn't do it to my standard I don't care/give it a quick wipe when in that room/mention it if it's really bad. Husband can clean the whole 3 bed house in 90 minutes whilst I take the baby swimming at the weekend.

I don't do my hair or wear makeup. I used to before I had kids but now there isn't time and I realised my male colleagues don't :) I value time more now and if more time can be made to spend quality time with the kids or to do something I love like read a book or get a coffee out then great. The house and laundry are kept to a just ok standard and we all shower or bath daily (or every other day for the kids), take good care of our teeth and get regular haircuts etc.

Thank you all so much. With the cost of childcare and the cost of living unfortunately a cleaner isn’t something we can have yet maybe in the future.
I must get my priorities in order, my little one doesn’t suffer on my days off as I usually clean 4am-8am and then hoover once they are awake.
Ive always been a perfectionist but need to realise I am going to burn myself out :(

I'm sure you don't need us to say that getting up at 4am on a weekend to clean for 4 hours is really unusually behaviour and most of us wouldn't do that....