Supermarket misgendering by 5 yr old

[Mmunatty88]

Hi. I have a 5 year old and today we went to the supermarket for some food. Probably should have re-thought it and gone after lunch but we didn’t and he was pretty tired, hungry tbh generally not well behaved.
so, I am there trying to make the visit as quick as possible and head to the check out. I leave space for people to get by but someone doesn’t notice this and gets in-front of me. I let them know and all is fine.
relise I need a bag and while I’m picking one up, say thanks to the person who rightly gave my space back to me in the Queue. they reply with, ‘he is she!’
Im taken back and ask, ‘sorry-what?’
I am a she not a he and they said ‘he pushed in front of me!’ (speaking about my 5 yr old)

the person is clearly a women, in their 50-60s with a buzz cut and wearing a track suit.

I reply with, ‘oh right ok.’ And take my bags and go.

how should I have handled this?

1. wouldn’t have wanted to make a scene there as that would have further embarrassment for the other customer.
2. it was an honest mistake by a 5 year old who has a sister and has little care for what’s ‘for boys’ and what’s ‘for girls’.

To your 5 year old she obviously looked like a he or he wouldn't of said it.
To us adults we could most probably tell she was a she.
I very much doubt your 5 year old meanf to cause offense. I don't know what I would have done, I probably would have just smiled and said oh im sorry about that. But that probably would have been the wrong thing to do aswell. 🙈 don't worry about it, young children embarrass us a lot.

Did you write your post like a drunk person?

I think "Heh?" and a blank stare would be your best option here.

It’s ironic how they reply to say it’s a pointless post.

What a non issue.

I would not apologise to sone one who spoke to me like that. Had they been less aggressive/confrontational I might have.

in all honesty though kids say it as they see it. If she looks male/masculine then children will refer to her as such. It’s actually something I like about small kids…no pandering because they don’t realise.

it must be frustrating if it happens to her all the time and she dislikes it, but getting angry at a 5 year old is pointless

I would have done the same as you, the child is 5 they make mistakes some times

Don't know why people are finding the op so confusing

My 5 yr old nephew gets his he/she's mixed up all the time regardless of how anyone presents.

Non issue

No. What a strange comment!

If your five year old child called someone fat, out of total innocence, would you apologise?

I have a five year old DD. I thought I had taught her that we don't comment on other people's appearances, but recently, she did so, very loudly. She honestly didn't mean to be rude, but that's not the point, is it? She upset someone, and I am an adult who is quite capable of seeing that and saying sorry, so I would.

Who cares why this woman was upset? Perhaps she doesn't have children and doesn't realise that a five year old isn't being deliberately rude to her. Perhaps she is sensitive about her appearance and was having a bad day. It is no different from anything else when your child makes a statement that inadvertently embarrasses someone.

Sometimes people get a bit offended and annoyed at innocent comments from small kids even though they fully realise they’re just kids. Some people are not very charmed by small kids in general and find them annoying.
Saying “misgendered” implies that there was more of an issue here but it doesn’t seem like it.
Recently my 3yo asked loudly Why has that woman got a funny head? about a stranger running in the park. The woman got a bit offended though she tried to hide it. The next day she pointed at a man on the bus and asked loudly Why had that man got no hair on his head?
I didn’t apologise either time or the countless times she’s called little girls “he”
(she calls all children he) although I was a bit embarrassed.
It’s just part of having a small kid. Sometimes people don’t take it very well but what can you do 🤷‍♀️

apparently, I am drunk and when I am drunk I like to spend the buzz asking for genuine advice on mumsnet.

(And yes, of course, I don't think it's any big issue a five year old said he for she - it's a non-issue. But you've got to put yourself in the place of this woman and remember she may not know how five year old are, and she may have felt as if she was being teased - even though that wasn't the intention.)

My five year old once thought a museum attendant was a policeman. God I still cringe YEARS later.

You dealt with it fine, OP, people are very het up on here today!

Did she say it in a frustrated tone or was it more just informative? As if it was the latter, I would personally appreciate her gently correcting my DC as they can have very fixed ideas on gender stereotypes at that age. It can only be good for them to be challenged on that when they come across gender non-conforming people as it helps them to learn that haircuts and clothes are nothing to do with what sex someone is.

Now if someone was rude or aggressive to my child for calling them the wrong sex I would not be happy.

^

Your response was the right thing

Thank you so much to all who replied with their advice and thoughts. Shame about the people who continued to try and coax an argument.. I think that’s what they were doing. I couldn’t really tell though.

takke care all, I am off to sleep xx

5 year olds love them or hate them, they do get confused easily.😃
My GC asked me if their other Granny was a boy or girl, (as other Granny has very short hair)😂

I would have said sorry. Not a big one but if something my child had said had bothered someone, I’d probably make a quick apology before carrying on my day.

I don't mean any offence to anyone here but the way I look at it, if you're going to dress in such a way that the majority of a certain sex/gender do, then you (she) needs to accept that people (especially children) are going to genuinely & innocently mistake them for that sex/gender!
I get she may have been hurt and/or offended but to respond the way she did, when it was a small child, is, as others have said, bonkers!

having the choice of haircut isn’t always an option. For example, illness can make your hair fall out.I am not saying it was the reason in this situation but it should be something people consider.

OP said she was “clearly a woman”. She just had short hair and was wearing a tracksuit.
One time my small nephew pointed at a lion in the zoo and said “Look at the mouse!” They often get mixed up. Doesn’t mean she could be easily mistaken for a man.
And there’s nothing to suggest her reaction was extreme. OP didn’t say she raised her voice or anything like that.