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Is this a major SIDS risk?
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Samiibaby · 22/09/2022 01:13

Hi everyone

so my beautiful son is nearly 3 weeks old and at night the only way he will sleep is on his Moses basket mattress on my bed, now I know about SIDS and I’m driving myself potty about it thinking I’m putting my son at a major risk. He is both breast and formula fed. Every time I put him in his Moses basket he screams the house down and then I have to pick him up again and the cycle repeats.. the only way I’ve noticed he sleeps is if I take the mattress out the basket and put the mattress on my bed free of any loose blankets or pillows and I put his blanket over him tucking the sides in if that’s makes sense? i have my own separate blanket so hes no where near any loose things. Please be gentle with me as I’m a very anxious sleep deprived new mum and I already feel like I’m a failure as a mum :(

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IneedcoffeeinanIV · 22/09/2022 01:17

You're definitely not a failure, please try not to think that way. I had the same worried with my little one so I co slept when she was a couple of weeks old. I was terrified but I followed all the correct steps you're supposed to and we both had great nights sleep. She now sleeps absolutely fine on her own so fingers crossed your little one manages the same soon enough. Good luck! You'll be absolutely fine and it does get easier

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Samiibaby · 22/09/2022 01:22

@IneedcoffeeinanIV hey my lovely thank you for the lovely reassuring message I just don’t know what to do I’ve been reading so much about SIDS and I feel like I’m putting my sons life in danger but it’s the ONLY way we both get some sleep! I’ve tried to transfer him to his basket but within 5 minutes he’s awake again and I’m so sleep deprived that at this point I’m willing to try anything to get him to sleep. He’s technically on his mattress on top of the bed duvet which I make sure is flat and I sleep with a blanket not inside the bed but on the duvet ( I know it’s weird but I’ve been sleeping with a blanket and no duvet around me for ages I’ve just got used to it haha)
im constantly checking on him to make sure he’s breathing I’ve had so many miscarriages and so much bad luck in my life that I’m almost convinced he won’t make it to a year :( I’ve cried and cried to my GP and HV but they don’t seem too concerned about my anxiety

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HowVeryBizarre · 22/09/2022 01:23

I used grobags with DD which saved the “will she slip under the blanket” angst. We also co-slept. I swore with my other two I never would then had the baby who would only sleep that way and when you are sleep deprived you do what you have to. You are definitely not a failure, you are doing everything you can to keep your baby safe and yourself sane. Good luck.

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Danikm151 · 22/09/2022 01:24

Maybe baby feels restricted in the moses basket. Do you have a cot? Try them in there

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Samiibaby · 22/09/2022 01:27

@Danikm151 i do have a cot yes it’s in his nursery but he’s so tiny I’m scared he will slip through the bars! worry after worry :(

@HowVeryBizarre thank you for your message :) I’m at breaking point :(

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Danikm151 · 22/09/2022 01:34

Move the cot into your bedroom.
he won’t fall through the bars, there are safety restrictions on manufacturers to ensure that doesn’t happen.

he’s only 3 weeks old. He won’t be rolling around for a little while yet.
have the cot close to your bed so he still feels close to you.

you got this momma!

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MyKidsThrowFood · 22/09/2022 01:35

Poor you. Sleep deprivation is the worst and sounds like you are a very good and conscientious mum.

Pls don't take the wrong way, but I think all tiny babies hate to be put down in their own cot/crib/basket. If you want them to be able to sleep there eventually, the best thing to do may be to persist with trying to put baby there. Maybe try to get baby used to it for naps when you're less sleep deprived?

Personally I never Co-slept and now my baby is mostly happy in his cot so I'm glad I persisted but I can't lie, the early weeks were hell.

If you want to co-sleep there are guidelines for safer Co sleeping on the Basis and LullabyTrust websites.

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MyKidsThrowFood · 22/09/2022 01:37

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Samiibaby · 22/09/2022 01:37

@Danikm151 he has a ikea cot and I was looking at how I could raise the base of the cot so the mattress is a little higher if that makes sense?

our room is absolutely tiny unfortunately even with his basket in it fills the room and the cot would 100% not fit in my room unless I move into his nursery with him and have like a little blow up mattress on the floor or something for me

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Samiibaby · 22/09/2022 01:43

@MyKidsThrowFood thank you so much for your message :)
The early weeks are hell!! I absolutely love my son he’s the love of my life but I’m feeling like I’m just not being a good enough mum to him me and my husband both vigorously make sure bottles are sterilised properly apparently they only stay sterile for 24 hours and I didn’t know! What we would do was dishwasher them then sterilise them then pop them on some kitchen towel to dry and then use them he’s a hungry baby so the bottles would literally get used quickly and now the panic has set in that I’ve harmed him some how by not leaving the bottles in the steriliser!
im sick of worrying I’m so anxious I don’t sleep at night because I’m so terrified something will happen to him and the sleep I do get is 2 hours tops

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startfresh · 22/09/2022 01:45

If you worry about breathing, I wonder if a monitor like the Owlet would help you with that?

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Samiibaby · 22/09/2022 01:47

@startfresh i was just literally talking to my husband about the owlet sock and we have decided we are going to buy it
have you used it at all and is it good?

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USaYwHatNow · 22/09/2022 01:51

Hey! My baby is also 3 weeks old. I'm a midwife and have sadly been involved in the investigation of 2 SIDS deaths before I went on maternity leave. I vowed I would never co-sleep and drilled the risks and dangers into my husband over and over again. What's the only way my boy will settle overnight? Yep you guessed it, in our bed or on me! And now I have my husband badgering me like I did to him. A bit like you, I make it as safe as I possibly can each time. If he's in the bed withme he's away from my husband and I (super king bed) no duvet or pillows near him and a blanket tucked around him to keep him warm. If he falls asleep on me then I put pillows around me and wrap a Swaddle muslin around him and tuck it in around my torso to stop him rolling. In all honesty its just whatever gets you through I think!

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Nat6999 · 22/09/2022 01:58

I slept with ds on a memory foam pillow laid vertically between mine & my then dh pillows with a blanket over him. You do what you have to for sleep & sanity

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startfresh · 22/09/2022 01:59

Samiibaby · 22/09/2022 01:47

@startfresh i was just literally talking to my husband about the owlet sock and we have decided we are going to buy it
have you used it at all and is it good?

I think they're very beneficial for an anxious parent to get a decent nights sleep. Best on the market based on my research, if a little pricey.

Good luck. I once thought my little one wouldn't get to a year. They're still here.

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Chocolateycheesecake · 22/09/2022 02:06

MyKidsThrowFood · 22/09/2022 01:35

Poor you. Sleep deprivation is the worst and sounds like you are a very good and conscientious mum.

Pls don't take the wrong way, but I think all tiny babies hate to be put down in their own cot/crib/basket. If you want them to be able to sleep there eventually, the best thing to do may be to persist with trying to put baby there. Maybe try to get baby used to it for naps when you're less sleep deprived?

Personally I never Co-slept and now my baby is mostly happy in his cot so I'm glad I persisted but I can't lie, the early weeks were hell.

If you want to co-sleep there are guidelines for safer Co sleeping on the Basis and LullabyTrust websites.

I don’t really buy into this ‘making a rod for your own back’ thinking. My first baby was absolutely not for sleeping independently in the early weeks. He was very definitely worse than a lot of babies, and not through lack of perseverance on my part.

But it improved over time and he was an excellent independent sleeper over time (in fact he went the other way and by the time he was one he absolutely would NOT co-sleep)..

All babies are different - I think you just have to fondle what works for you and follow safe co-sleeping advice as best you can if co-sleeping is what your baby needs.

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Samiibaby · 22/09/2022 02:09

@USaYwHatNow hi are you ok to PM me please if possible? I would like to discuss with you more about newborn sleeping arrangements!! Haha 😆

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Chocolateycheesecake · 22/09/2022 02:12

USaYwHatNow · 22/09/2022 01:51

Hey! My baby is also 3 weeks old. I'm a midwife and have sadly been involved in the investigation of 2 SIDS deaths before I went on maternity leave. I vowed I would never co-sleep and drilled the risks and dangers into my husband over and over again. What's the only way my boy will settle overnight? Yep you guessed it, in our bed or on me! And now I have my husband badgering me like I did to him. A bit like you, I make it as safe as I possibly can each time. If he's in the bed withme he's away from my husband and I (super king bed) no duvet or pillows near him and a blanket tucked around him to keep him warm. If he falls asleep on me then I put pillows around me and wrap a Swaddle muslin around him and tuck it in around my torso to stop him rolling. In all honesty its just whatever gets you through I think!

I was similarly anti co-sleeping before my son came along, who would literally only sleep on my chest (not my partners chest, not next to me and certainly not in a cot or Moses basket). Short of not sleeping at all I had to make it as safe as possible for him to sleep on my chest. I remember speaking to my health visitor about it and her view was it was quite common and you simply have to do what you have to do.

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Samiibaby · 22/09/2022 02:13

@Nat6999 i agree! For sleep and sanity haha
it’s just me and my son in the bed as husband sleeps on the sofa (his own choice )
he has his own mattress so he’s not on the bed but his mattress is on my bed and he sleeps fine his blanket is never loose it’s always tucked in but I still worry I vowed I would never co sleep but here I am making this post! Haha

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SunshineAndFizz · 22/09/2022 02:17

Also mum to a 3 week old here. Just wanted to reach out and say I know how tough it is, you're not alone. Don't beat yourself up, you sound like a great mum who is doing all the right things.

It's so easy to question everything you're doing, but honestly we've all been there - no one is born the perfect mum with all the answers - we all learn as we're going along.

Good luck x x

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ThiagoSilvasToe · 22/09/2022 02:18

I co-slept with both of mine. It was the only way anyone was going to get any sleep. The newborn stage is so difficult and sleep deprivation makes everything worse. Good luck with everything!

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Samiibaby · 22/09/2022 02:22

@SunshineAndFizz thank you for the lovely message and support! Congratulations to you on your beautiful bundle of joy! Newborn stage is sooo hard eek!

@ThiagoSilvasToe I agree!! When does it get better? Lol

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Nowyouwillfeel · 22/09/2022 02:23

Can you make it even safer if you’re worried and it’s affecting you so much @Samiibaby ?

So get rid of his Moses basket mattress - id be worried he might roll or slide off it and face plant onto your mattress.

No duvet - you’re not using it anyway so get rid of it. Make sure fitted sheet on the mattress is tight.

Baby in a growbag the correct size - gets rid of his blanket.

You in one of those fleecy onesies - gets rid of your blanket. I would think it’s quite safe then. You’re both sleeping on a firm flat surface with no loose items.

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CycleGirl20 · 22/09/2022 02:26

I fully intended to put my 7 week old in her cot attached to my bed, buy she won't go in there. She's now in my bed, with no duvets and so on anywhere near her. I did a fair bit of reading on SIDS & a lot of the deaths cosleeping are related to alcohol use, drugs, cosleeping on the sofa (often poor people who are so anxious to avoid cosleeping they try to sit up feeding on the sofa and fall asleep!). I think there's also research that says sleeping with a breastfed mother is safer. Most of this is from the unisef UK docs.

SIDS is incredibly scary though. I'm finding myself wishing my baby's first 4 months away so she's through the highest SIDS risk zone. @USaYwHatNow

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ReeseWitherfork · 22/09/2022 02:26

Congratulations on your new baby OP. Are you swaddling?

I ended up cosleeping with DT for a few weeks when they were little because it was the only way any of us were getting any sleep. If you compare what you’re doing to the safe sleep guidelines for cosleeping I can’t see any cause for concern.

And if you find yourself checking the owlet thing repeatedly, please get rid of it. If you don’t and it gives you peace of mind then all is good. But I’ve had friends with them and the angelcare mat and they’ve made them even more anxious.

Good luck!

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