Is this a major SIDS risk?

[Samiibaby]

Hi everyone

so my beautiful son is nearly 3 weeks old and at night the only way he will sleep is on his Moses basket mattress on my bed, now I know about SIDS and I’m driving myself potty about it thinking I’m putting my son at a major risk. He is both breast and formula fed. Every time I put him in his Moses basket he screams the house down and then I have to pick him up again and the cycle repeats.. the only way I’ve noticed he sleeps is if I take the mattress out the basket and put the mattress on my bed free of any loose blankets or pillows and I put his blanket over him tucking the sides in if that’s makes sense? i have my own separate blanket so hes no where near any loose things. Please be gentle with me as I’m a very anxious sleep deprived new mum and I already feel like I’m a failure as a mum :(

Didn't mean to tag you @USaYwHatNow ! Mumsnet posted as I typoed

@Nowyouwillfeel that’s some really really good advice! Thank you I will definitely try that tommorow night he’s currently asleep on his mattress you guessed it lol
I was pretty worried about him falling off his mattress too also what kind of gro bag do you recommend? He has one but it’s massive on him

You’ll come up against the “I vowed I’d never….” a lot in parenting OP. The perfect parent is one without children. It’s a really important and necessary lesson generally to let you own standards slip, just because no one can be a textbook perfect parent. Sounds like you’ve made the right necessary adjustments on this one, and you’ll eventually get the courage of conviction too ☺️

I've had two dreadful sleepers, and expecting DC3 who I'm assuming will be the same.

With DS1, I had a cot near me, but he wouldn't ever settle and I ended up co sleeping. I read all the guidance, made it as safe as possible.

With DS2 I coslept from the get go. I had more confidence to do it, knew how to reduce the risks.

Now if anyone asks for baby tips, I always tell them to read up about safe cosleeping. I figure many people will, like me, never think they need to, but end up doing it in desperation. If you're aware of how to cosleep safely, it may well stop you doing it on the sofa etc.

Hi OP, sounds like you are doing everything you can to make baby safe and actually get some sleep.

Talk to your health visitor about it and look at this from the lullaby trust.

www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/co-sleeping/

You really aren't a bad mum at all. Good luck with it all

You want to avoid anything smooshy if you're co sleeping, so don't put him down on your duvet with cot mattress on top, your own mattress is safer (so long as it's not smooshy memory foam). Is your bed against the wall? What's between him and the edge?

Keep the duvet round your waist or sleep in onesie/cardigan/dressing gown.

You could get a co sleeper cot, second hand ones are safe and quite cheap, you just need a new mattress.

Sometimes co sleeping is the only way and it's safer than no sleep. If you can't sleep at all then I'd talk to your hv, extreme sleep deprivation is not good for your mental or physical health.

Sometimes it helps to put something of yours (t-shirt etc) under the Moses basket sheet so it smells of you, warm it with a hot water bottle before putting him down, hold him for five mins so he's properly sleep when you put him down, lightly press your hand on his tummy when you put him down for a minute so he feels like he's still being held, then gently release. White noise is good too (you can get free apps with it).

Good luck, it gets better when you're out of the initial chaos!

najell.co.uk/shop/babynest-sleepcarrier-volume-2-morning-grey/

These are extremely popular in Scandinavia where we live, and although they’re pricey I’ve definitely used mine every single day since my baby was born 4 months ago. It’s like a baby nest that you can carry around with you. We placed it inside the cot for the first couple of weeks to make it feel a bit more cosy, but it can go in the bed on your mattress too as it’s got a firm base with soft sides (made from mesh/breathable material). It is just amazing and I sleep much better when she’s in this rather on our bed as she’s much more protected and safe. Highly recommend it.

Sorry I meant that I sleep much better when she’s in this ON our bed, as she’s right next to me but still protected from any loose covers etc. Honestly can’t recommend it enough.

We're using this grobag, 0-3 month size...

Tommee Tippee Baby Sleep Bag for Newborns, The Original Grobag Swaddle Bag, Hip-Healthy Design, Soft Cotton-Rich Fabric, 0-3m, 1.0 TOG, Sky Grey Marl amzn.eu/d/fc5voDZ

I've co slept with two babies, currently co sleeping with my 2nd one and it's absolutely fine! As long as you do it safely as you're already doing so no loose bedding and keeping baby away from your duvet etc you're fine.

My first transferred to her own cot at 6 months with no issues at all.

Oh and I use a baby sleeping bag for mine.

I haven't used one and the only people I "know" who used them are influencers that I wouldn't trust but honestly reading your messages I think you are actually too anxious. I've read that the owlet is making some parents more anxious because they are constantly checking it, or have gotten false alarms, etc so I'm not sure it will help.

I dont Co-sleep but the way you are doing it sounds the best way possible. A sleep deprived mother isn't going to do anyone any good so defo do not feel like a failure, you are doing the right thing.

I hate when this is suggested on MN so am not saying this lightly but have you thought about seeing someone about the anxiety? Is there a mental health midwife where you had the baby (as there is for me but noooo idea if I just got lucky)? You are going to drive yourself mad. I can feel the same worries starting to get more heightened with me at the moment so am trying to do something about it before it gets worse!

You are doing amazing. Best of Luck.

My main concern with your current arrangement is that you'd turn over or something and he'd bounce off the bed onto the floor. I was as paranoid as hell with newborns though (thank you mother).

His Moses basket might be too cold for him. Would you try warmer clothes/blankets? They will not sleep if they're cold. Of course you then have the joys of worrying they're too hot! 🙄
I wouldn't do the newborn stage again if you paid me a million quid.

As an aside, I strongly feel that baby losses can really affect your mental health and it's not something that's ever cared about by the medical profession. I would ask the health visitor for some post-trauma therapy. Not right now obviously, as you're too tired to do anything, but maybe ask if you could be put on a waiting list.

Your precious baby is very lucky to have such a thoughtful Mum. Congratulations and try to endure this stage. You'll look back with blind joy when he's 18 and forget everything that you went through

My main concern with your current arrangement is that you'd turn over or something and he'd bounce off the bed onto the floor.

Heres hoping OP is sleeping on a mattress and not a trampoline 😉 having coslept at some stage with all three DC, I can confirm no one has ever ended up bounced onto the floor. In fact I don’t think I’ve ever slept so still as I do when there’s a baby in the bed somewhere. The only hazard I’ve come across is when you wake up and there’s a split second where you forget you’re not cosleeping that night and end up panicking about the baby’s whereabouts (until you see it sleeping soundly in its crib next to you).

In fact, here’s a thought OP…. Why not get a next to me crib? Can’t actually see it suggested here and it seems a bit too obvious. Not that unusual for babies to hate Moses baskets although I have no idea why.

My baby now 5 months spent his first 3 months in bed with us. Just follow safe sleep guidelines and enjoy your baby x

@ReeseWitherfork I've lost many a phone to my bouncy bed and impact with the floor lol. I have never co-slept but if I've had lazy days and have folded clothes on the bed when I get into bed, they will inevitably end up on the floor and I never learn

Unfortunately you can’t change their instincts.
Just put him in the bed in a baby sleeping bag, the little mattress and blanket aren’t helping. Follow the safe cosleeping guidelines.
There’s nothing nicer than sleeping with a baby; I hope you get to a point where you can enjoy it.

Tommee Tippee Baby Sleep Bag for Newborns, The Original Grobag Swaddle Bag, Hip-Healthy Design, Soft Cotton-Rich Fabric, 0-3m, 1.0 TOG, Sky Grey Marl amzn.eu/d/8DBGaob

this gro bag is good for small babies @Samiibaby keep his arms out and there are extra clips under the arms it’s really secure

@Confusion101 the furthest thing from an influencer you can get, here. I don't use SM except forums.

I love the Owlet and have personally never once had a false alarm from it unlike other monitors I've tried.

Personally, it's helped me get the best night's sleep as I know I can check if I need to and can hear the monitor if there's a problem.

Could you get a co sleeping cot? They attach to the side of your bed so your baby has their own space to sleep in whilst still being beside you. We had one for DC2 and it was an absolute game changer from DC1 who couldn't settle in the moses basket at all. We used it with a gro bag so no blankets etc either, and always had the side fully down.

Have you tried swaddle sleeping bags like Love to Dream? Some babies sleep better in them as they can stop the baby waking up with the startle reflex.

This is what we did. I bought second hand (new mattress) and then sold in after for the same as I bought it. It was a life saver

Don’t feel guilty about co-sleeping but I’d get rid of the Moses basket mattress and the blanket. Gro bag would be much safer than a blanket.

I think it will be fine, but I'd just put baby directly on your mattress. It doesn't have the friction with the sides of the mattress to keep the blanket tight. However, IME when you co-sleep and kind of curl around them, you're aware enough to keep track of the blanket and adjust it throughout the night.

This is how it's recommended to co-sleep safely.

I've just seen people have mentioned swaddling - swaddling is fine in the basket, but not if she's in the bed with you.