How old is too old for a baby?

[Wordsoup]

just that, how old is too old?

inspired by a thread I read a while ago about a woman debating a 3rd child and she said she’d be 36 and the overall tone of the thread was ‘advanced maternal age’ and ‘increased risk twins/ genetic conditions’ etc but 36 is hardly old. Also by a ticktock video thing DH showed me yesterday of a man who was 65 when he met his wife 18 and had a baby shortly after.

i know they say womens fertility declines after 35 but that’s based on some pretty shoddy and outstanding research.

But how old is too old do we think? In terms of conceiving, risks associated with age, pregnancy itself, newborn day, and then as the child grows up? i had my first child at 29 and second at 32 and omgosh did I feel physically worse, makes me wonder if that was in part age related- I digress here.

this is a no judgement post (except maybe for the 65 year old who met and married an 18 year old, not sure how I feel about that) I’m just curious to hear other peoples opinions

This will be unique to everyone won't it? People have babies older for all kinds of reasons including difficulty conceiving, miscarriages, meeting their partner later in life and so on.

Of course yeah, my mum had me at 36 and my
youngest sibling at 40, she traveled the world before hence why I was a little shocked to read that other thread and have the majority say 36 was a bit too old.

it’s no judgment either way, for some they might say 49 would be their cut off but I also had a friend who wanted to be done by 30

It's totally personal opinion, isn't it? As well as circumstances and what stage you are at in your life.

My own personal cut off was 35, having had my children at 29, 30 and 33. For other women it's much older.

Each to their own and no judgment from me.

40ish for Mother. 45ish for Father.
However there will be very successful examples of outliers.

I just had my second at 36 and don't feel old. I had my first at 33 and even then I felt a bit young for it Most of my friends are mid-30s or later before having their first, so it's pretty common IME.

Would say though I do think that tick-tock guy who had a baby at 65 is probably too old

Technically the only way you’re too old to have a baby is when you’ve gone through menopause so it’s no longer possible. But women are having babies much later on in life due to a lot of changing societal reasons. Yes, there are more risks but having a baby is risky no matter the mothers age. Research on anything pregnancy /fertility related is always going to be vague because of the lack of proper clinical studies and a lack of funding towards anything affecting women’s health, I digress…
It’s impossible to pluck an age out of thin air it’s such a personal case by case matter.

I wanted to be all done by 30, and I am. But that's due to my husband having really suffered as the child of older parents.

It's very personal. My personal cut off is 35 but some people haven't even met their life partner then. We've been together since we were 21, I'm 32 now with two children and we're considering a third.

My friend had her second baby at 43 and she's a wonderful mother.

that’s what I thought when I read the thread @Hugasauras, pretty common and hardly over the hill, but the posters were very much ‘think of the risk’ ‘risk of Down syndrome’ ‘risk of multiples’ etc, very doom and gloom… v v unlikely we’d go for 3 but made me wonder a bit as I’d likely be 36 ish then

Agree it’s very personal. I’m expecting my 3rd and I turn 36 this month. For me it was now it never, purely because I didn’t want large gaps with my other children and couldn’t see myself being 50 plus with a ten year old. I wouldn’t bat an eyelid at someone else expecting at say 42 though. Above mid 40s I might find usually later I think

Some ivf places won’t really touch you past 45 and then I think the official clinical guidelines is 49 with donor eggs is the absolute cut off, so that appears to be a line in the sand ivf wise

We had our first when I was in my 20s and then 3rd at 43. I feel so conscious it’s not what I’d have planned but our youngest has an incredibly special place in the family and couldn’t be loved more, so I’m so very grateful and glad for him. And even if we’re older he has two very amazing bigger siblings who provide lots of energy too and dote on him and he does seem unusually happy always for a baby.

one of my friends had twins at 48 and I never really clicked she’s older as she’s just a brilliant mum . I guess circumstances are always so variable.

I have had dc in my teens, 20's, 30's and 40's!!
Am now 51 and ds is nearly 8.
No regrets.

How come 35 @gemloving ?

is it that 35 is commonly saved around as ‘the age’ for women ?

i used to think 35 for myself but now As i approach 35 I’m thinking 37 maybe (for me personally, no judgment) who knows how I’ll feel then, I’m pretty achy all the time now lol 😂

How did you feel in each decade of your life? :) if you don’t mind sharing x

I had my first at 37.
We waited for a number of years before trying for purely selfish reasons. We wanted to see parts of the world you couldnt easily drag a child round.
When we started trying we didnt rralise it would take over 3 years to fall pregnant.
Im now 38 with a 9 month old.
I dont feel 38 to be fair.

I would possibly like another but given it took a long time to have one I doubt it will happen again for us.
Im not in a position to be trying now though.

Granted as you get older the risks do get higher but the risks are there with every pregnancy. Even a 21 year old would face the same risks as a 41 year old.
I guess there is no right or wrong answer.

It is hugely dependent on peer group. Most of the university-educated people I know around my age (late 30s) got married around 30 and had DC early -mid 30s.
At my school gate this would be considered old, and the 'older' mums that are there, mostly also have an adult child.

I had ds when I was 35, we wanted to start trying at 29-30, put it off for a few years as had some financial worries and just as one threat of redundancy abated another one popped up.

In hindsight, now ds is 18 and we are 53 we wish we had done it at least 5 years earlier.

@Wordsoup no no, it's simply because I want small age gaps. Mine are 3 1/2 & 16 months so another 2y3m age gap ish would be nice. So... Ideally, it'll be my last pregnancy when I'm 33 so it's not really got anything to do with my actual age if that makes sense?

It’s down to the people who conceive a baby surely. If the eggs work, sperm works, etc., then that’s fine and age is irrelevant. I hate these posts, there’s always so much judgement, mostly aimed at women. Have a baby when you want one, if you want one, with who you want one with.

3 in my mid to late thirties.

Not unusual at all among professional women.

No regrets at all, wouldn't change a thing.

Nonsense to say late thirties are old for a child.

My aunty had her youngest child at 48!! I had my youngest at 39 and I found it a tough pregnancy only because I had diabetes probably.

I think the point about a third is that it is a bigger risk for not huge gain?

I don't think anyone bats an eyelid at having number one or two at any age. People can understand the primal urge to have a child, and then many people understand the desire to have a sibling for a first child.

After that people often start to really weigh up the pros and cons of having more children and the increased possibility of disability with more advanced maternal age features on the cons list. That alongside the fact tut having a third later on in life must be totally exhausting.

I don't think it's just about being an older mum, it's about considering a third as an older woman and why that might carry more cons than pros.

@Legomania I am degree educated and work for an investment bank. I had my first child at 28, almost 29. I really was young compared to everyone else around me to have a child at that age. Especially in London (where I live), it really is normal to have children later in life.