How old is too old for a baby?

[Wordsoup]

just that, how old is too old?

inspired by a thread I read a while ago about a woman debating a 3rd child and she said she’d be 36 and the overall tone of the thread was ‘advanced maternal age’ and ‘increased risk twins/ genetic conditions’ etc but 36 is hardly old. Also by a ticktock video thing DH showed me yesterday of a man who was 65 when he met his wife 18 and had a baby shortly after.

i know they say womens fertility declines after 35 but that’s based on some pretty shoddy and outstanding research.

But how old is too old do we think? In terms of conceiving, risks associated with age, pregnancy itself, newborn day, and then as the child grows up? i had my first child at 29 and second at 32 and omgosh did I feel physically worse, makes me wonder if that was in part age related- I digress here.

this is a no judgement post (except maybe for the 65 year old who met and married an 18 year old, not sure how I feel about that) I’m just curious to hear other peoples opinions

The average age for a first child in my borough is 38. So no, I don't think 36 is too old...

I had my two at 36&40 because of 8 years at uni, was a bit mature anyway, next was marriage then ttc.
I thought after 2nd I may consider a 3rd but in all honesty I started to feel older and a bit stiffer in early / mid 40's and was glad we didn't have another

I could not physically have a child past 35.
i think the cut off for me is 40 to have kids - just tiring and uni and moving out will be much later

plus when they are off your hands (having a baby at 40), the mother will be 60+

I had my first at 31 and was young amongst my peers - NCT group all late 30s and most of my own friends had their first a few years later at 33-35. I’m 35 now and contemplating baby 3, probably next year or the year after so I’d be 36/37. I wouldn’t leave it longer but only because of the age gaps with my existing children.

Got you! It’s quite a nice gap isn’t it, v similar to mine!

good luck with everything:) xx

Everyone will do what is right for them. I had my youngest at 39. I wouldn't change a thing. But now 10 years later I'm 50. Feeling my age and dealing with sick parents. If I could change one thing I would of had my children when I was younger. I would of been able to give them more of me. And I would now be able to do what I need to for my parents. I'm spread very thin right now. But I'm very fortunate and grateful.

@gemloving absolutely - I work in the City too (not banking though) and none of the 20-somethings in the office would dream of having kids yet (I was the same).

I had mine early 30s. I was the only one out of my friendship group to have a baby. Most started to have theirs at 35-40.
Some up to 45.
I would say late 40s/50 is late. No way would I have had another towards 50.
Nature agrees I think (menopause)

How did your husband suffer (if you don't mind sharing)?

I don’t get that argument, big risk for small gain? Surely the gain is the child? And that’s as much of a gain as it is first and second time around? And the ‘ risks’ are there too?

I don't think it's the actual number that's important, it's how you feel at that age. My mam was 32, 36 and 39 when she had myself, my brother and sister. I was 22, 26 & 27 for my three. Mam said she was full of energy with pretty much all of her pregnancies - she gave birth to my sister and was up, showered, dressed, makeup on and home in time for tea 😂 meanwhile I've felt like a sack of shit all three pregnancies. Obviously with older age comes higher risks of certain things so there's that, but personally if your body is still able to sustain a pregnancy then I'd say that's your answer :)

I agree it’s normal for a lot of professional women to have children later. It’s what I did - children at 35 and 38. I am now early 40s with two very lovely but high energy small children and permanently bloody knackered. I couldn’t have had children earlier as hadn’t met DH but I do wonder, if circumstances had been different, whether it might have been nicer to have had them both by 32/33 and had a bit more energy….

45 would be the cut off for me personally.

I had my first at 40, second at 41 and third at 43. I’m now 44 and going back to full time work in a few months. I met my husband when I was 38, married at 39 so have packed a lot in.

three kids who are three and under at 44 is hard going but so far it’s fine.

I had my 1st at 22 , 2nd at 34 and my 3rd 5 months ago at 38. If I had the money I'd squeeze another one in before my personal cut off age of 40. DP is 43 and he did worry he was too old when I was pregnant but now DS is here he doesn't think it at all.

First at 26
Second at 40
Third at 41

I’m 58 now and we have a 17 and 16 year old at home which keeps us young 😃

Well its horses for courses isn't it....I had my 3rd baby at 32..... to me that was pushing it...my DD had her last baby at 25....says now at 28 she is far too old to have any more...but everyone is different .....I had my first GC at 50 ..... if I had waited til 40 to have babies I might never have known my GC .... there's no right or wrong ...just choices

Women's fertility declines well before 35

35 is just when it goes off a cliff

Male fertility and sperm quality is also a factor

Personally I think over 35 is old

38-40 too old

You're risking a lot and it's selfish imo unless you're going through IVF and paying for PGT-A testing etc.

For me 36.

It's different for everyone of course. I have noticed since I joined this site (a while ago under different username) that there is a dislike of older motherhood. I regularly read posts like this where conceiving in late 30s onwards is frowned on. In real life, certainly within my circle of friends, I know several who happily and easily had children into their 40s.
I have recently conceived my first at 45 after a decade of fertility treatment and am thrilled and feel great! My grandmother had her 5th naturally at 48.

@Legomania there has to be an exception to the rule right?

For me I wanted to be done by 30- had them aged 26 and 29. But I don’t think you’re too old until maybe 45. I wouldn’t like to be much older because I wouldn’t want to be too old when my kids grew up. But it’s totally each to their own. Some people would hate to have kids in their twenties like I did.

first at 37, second will be 40

This is about age of fathers. copied and pasted from an abstract of credible research of 2006. Don't know how to give the link.

What is already known on the topic.
The average paternal age in the UK in increasing, and the public health implications of this trend have not been widely anticipated or debated
Accumulation of chromosomal aberrations and mutations during the maturation of male germ cells are thought to be responsible for increasing risks of certain conditions with advancing paternal age
There is a growing literature on the effects for offspring of advanced paternal age. Risks include reduced fertility and increased risk of birth defects, schizophrenia, and cancer.

@gemloving for sure - I guess I was thinking of the exception that proves the rule.