How old is too old for a baby?

[Wordsoup]

just that, how old is too old?

inspired by a thread I read a while ago about a woman debating a 3rd child and she said she’d be 36 and the overall tone of the thread was ‘advanced maternal age’ and ‘increased risk twins/ genetic conditions’ etc but 36 is hardly old. Also by a ticktock video thing DH showed me yesterday of a man who was 65 when he met his wife 18 and had a baby shortly after.

i know they say womens fertility declines after 35 but that’s based on some pretty shoddy and outstanding research.

But how old is too old do we think? In terms of conceiving, risks associated with age, pregnancy itself, newborn day, and then as the child grows up? i had my first child at 29 and second at 32 and omgosh did I feel physically worse, makes me wonder if that was in part age related- I digress here.

this is a no judgement post (except maybe for the 65 year old who met and married an 18 year old, not sure how I feel about that) I’m just curious to hear other peoples opinions

I was 37 (and a half!) when I had my youngest. He’s 2 now and it’s so much harder than when I had my younger two in my early thirties. I’m so much more tired now and I couldn’t imagine doing it all over again at 40. My grandma had babies well into her 40s and the youngest had lost both parents by the time she was 30. The children of my youngest aunt never met their grandparents. It does have a knock on effect later down the line too.

Had my youngest at 36 and am now 46 and perimenopausal, one of the side effects of that is I am feeling less inclined to nurture as intensively as I did... I am SO glad my kids aren't younger than they are or my emotional landscape and the needs of my children would be quite out of kilter. So, though I know older is fine for some I'm glad I didn't have to do that myself.

I have noticed since I joined this site (a while ago under different username) that there is a dislike of older motherhood. I regularly read posts like this where conceiving in late 30s onwards is frowned on. In real life, certainly within my circle of friends, I know several who happily and easily had children into their 40s.

That'll be your own bias giving you that perception, whilst I witness what you see I can attest as a younger mother I have seen an awful lot of snobbery against younger mothers (say 20-27). There seems to be a sweet spot of early 30s and anything else is frowned upon. The truth of the matter is that there are pros and cons whatever age you are, there is no perfect age or life plan no matter how some protest.

People whinge about anything others do differently. If it's not older mums it's younger mums, which more often goes unchallenged. Or some other nonsensical thing people pick on.

Both ends get crap unless you do it 30-36

For me I felt that 40 was my cut off but DD had other ideas and was born when I was 41!

Yeah @bob78, I've also noticed people get a good kicking for being a younger mother on here, even if the thread has no relevance to age. Older mum rude comments are usually nipped in the bud by other posters.

that’s just not true apparently, based on poor women from the 1800s, apparently 37 is the new number. I learned about it on a podcast and did some reading when I worked at a uni, v interesting how it’s been taken up as fact

35 is the cut off for me. I had first at 28 and second at 30. Currently 32 and unlikely to have a third but if we did would do it in the next couple of years as wouldn't want a big age gap and have to go right back to the beginning.

@Wordsoup

Do you not understand the data or are you being deliberately obtuse?

Fertility stats are continually updated, it's still a fact that in your 20's you are a lot more likely to conceive than when you're 35, and a heck of a lot more likely than when you're 40

Plus the risks of various disabilities increases with age, and again that data is current and upstaged regularly

When you decide it is

Had mine at 30 and 35 was perfect for us
Would be horrified at 41 to be pg but my friend just had her first at same age

Yes it declines but it’s not the ‘falling off a cliff at 35’ as previously touted. The sharpest rise is over 40

is there a need to be so rude?

My grandmother was born in 1921 when her mother was 45. And she was only the last baby because her father died shortly after. My mum told me it wasn’t something people thought much about in those days. She told me this because I had a baby at 35 and the midlife said I was considered an older mum (Latin term, can’t recall it). I’m 50 now and just wouldn’t have the energy for a newborn but I admit I felt broody until very recently..

I’d say when you decide. I was 29 when I had my youngest, and on the notes I was described as an ‘elderly multigravida’. Things have moved on a lot since the 80s!!

@Wordsoup

"On average, a woman in her 30s has a 15 to 20 percent chance of getting pregnant each month. Fertility gradually declines throughout the decade, especially after age 35."

It's hardly rude to call out BS

For someone who hasn't had fertility problems and has just chosen to wait then I'd say 37

Not everyone meets their partner until mid 30s! It's not a conscious decision, it's the way things go. Unless you're advocating getting knocked up by the postman just to ensure you're conceiving in your prime?
These threats make people who haven't had babies by mid 30s feel like shit!
If you feel like 35 is too old, fine - keep it for yourself.

I don’t know where your getting your ‘facts’ from but all this is incorrect and your opinion can go in the bin.

Obviously it’s personal, but you’re asking, so I’m going to say 40. I see it less from the health of the mother perspective (after all it’s her choice), more from the kid’s perspective - I think still being at school with 60-year-old parents must be tough, particularly as an only. I know a couple who have just had their first baby, she’s 44 and he’s 52. Obviously haven’t said anything but I dO think it’s a bit selfish.

@juas

Please show me any documentation showing fertility is the same when you're 20, 30 and 35

Oh wait

You can't

Because it's factually true.

The word there is gradually, it doesn’t fall off a cliff like you said…
One study published in 2004 that looked at 770 European women found that, with sex at least twice a week, 78% of women aged 35 to 40 conceived within a year, compared with 84% of women aged 20 to 34…

even the journal Of the American medical association has bumped the category of advance maternal age up to 37 from 35

this article from the Atlantic has a good overview of studies that go against the falling off a cliff ar 35 theory

www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2013/07/how-long-can-you-wait-to-have-a-baby/309374/

it’s totally fine if 35 is your cut off and your personal preference, used to be mine too

I always thought I’d have kids before I was 30. But due to house prices we weren’t able to buy a property till I was 36, my first pregnancy ended in stillbirth, my second pregnancy resulted in my now 9month old daughter born just after I was 40.

“Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans”

I had mine at 18, 19 and 24. I'm 40 now but would love another

I’m 48 and I while I have some signs of perimenopause, it’s also clear that many months I am still likely ovulating. I would say that I am too old. When I first started getting erratic periods, there was no doubt in my mind that it would be a termination if it was a pregnancy. My health just couldn’t handle it at this point. I have to think about being here for my existing child.

prior to recently, it had been about 3 years since I had a late period and that time, at 45, I wasn’t so sure.

so I would place the cutoff for me somewhere between 45 and 48.

I’m sorry for the loss of your first born ❤️