How old is too old for a baby?

[Wordsoup]

just that, how old is too old?

inspired by a thread I read a while ago about a woman debating a 3rd child and she said she’d be 36 and the overall tone of the thread was ‘advanced maternal age’ and ‘increased risk twins/ genetic conditions’ etc but 36 is hardly old. Also by a ticktock video thing DH showed me yesterday of a man who was 65 when he met his wife 18 and had a baby shortly after.

i know they say womens fertility declines after 35 but that’s based on some pretty shoddy and outstanding research.

But how old is too old do we think? In terms of conceiving, risks associated with age, pregnancy itself, newborn day, and then as the child grows up? i had my first child at 29 and second at 32 and omgosh did I feel physically worse, makes me wonder if that was in part age related- I digress here.

this is a no judgement post (except maybe for the 65 year old who met and married an 18 year old, not sure how I feel about that) I’m just curious to hear other peoples opinions

M

Op didn't say it's the same. Read their post again. Slowly. If you weren't so busy calling out what you think is bullshit you might have more time to read properly.

@Wordsoup I'm 36 currently pregnant with my first child- not how I planned fertility issues and being referred being held up by the pandemic meant that the decision of age was taken out of my hands.

I do wish it was more publicised about maternal health though more and more women waiting until later and unfortunately it doesn't always work out.

I had my first at 32 and my 2nd At 35, I'm now 36 and think I'd like to be done by 38/39 if we was to have any more. I noticed a big difference between pregnancy 1 and 2 although it was only 3 years apart, more tired, came back high risk for DS, had to have lots of tests, another scare with babies kidneys, all fine on the end but very worrying pregnancy. Just bear in mind the older you are, the more things can go wrong.

The thing about threads like these is: it’s easy to say X age is too old for a child when you have one.

You might feel differently if you hadn’t been able to yet.

Agree with this but I know how how different and worrying my 2nd pregnancy was when I was slightly older

It's up to the individual but the chances of having a healthy live birth do drop off significantly after the age of 35. An IVF consultant told me that, at age 40, 20% of any embryos would be genetically normal/viable with 80% not. At 30, those percentages are the other way around. The issue appears to be with egg health - most of the genetic errors arise from incomplete/uneven splitting of genetic material which increases with age.

Depends on the individual

I was 34 when I had my first 3 months ago. Had a horrific pregnancy with a lot of complications. I was told by numerous medical professionals it had nothing to do with age. I was just massively unlucky.

I chose to wait as my parents had me as teens and then 3 more before they were 30. They struggled massively. Not us - we always had everything we needed but I saw my parents go without numerous times for us and it used to upset me.
I wanted to be settled financially and own my own home before having a child. Plan to have my next, and last, about 36.

But Everyone and every circumstance is different. As long as you are about to love and provide , I personally don't think it matters what age you are.

Gaagh, so sick of these threads.
Those that either

1. met their DH in their 20s, had family money to buy a house young/live in a cheap part of the county

2. have kids with anyone and have no financial means

Going on about how having kids in your mid/late 30s is too old to have kids.

They are also the same women who on another thread complain about all the partying they missed (1) or complain that the fecklessness man that impregnated them (2) doesn't help/can't afford life/wants to be on the birth certificate without supporting etc....

I would have loved to have kids earlier but
didn't meet DH until my early 30s. We were engaged and married within 3 years and conceived our first cycle of unprotected sex. Gave birth to DD (healthy, easy pregnancy) at 35.

We own our own home, are emotionally and financially secure.

So to answer OP it's too old to have a DC if you've gone through menopause and can't afford IVF or don't want to adopt.

1. mothers have every right to complain about deadbeat dad when they are doing all the work. Not age dependent.

2. I'm also tired of people who think you have to own your own home to have children, this again is not age related. And those who think age is the defining factor of 'emotional security'.

3. you don't know if there is an overlap between any of these groups, given it's an anonymous forum.

4. in the same way you probably have ideas of what's too young, people have opinions on what is too old. I personally hate these questions because nothing good comes out of it besides making people reading feel bad, however people are just answering the question.

@MonkeyCMonkeyDo we both agree that nothing good comes of these threads.

Agree with every word Monkey.

There’s a lot of ‘too young to settle down’, ‘emotionally immature’, ‘wouldn’t have wanted that at your age’ type comments on here. But the moment you query anything to do with older mums, all hell breaks loose.

So you are saying that people who have kids in their 20s can’t afford it and and you are superior because you just happened to have met a decent guy who takes care of his children? Good for you 🤣

@MondaysChild7 you obviously have issues with comprehension. I wrote "1) met their DH in their 20s, had family money to buy a house young/live in a cheap part of the county "

No where did I say people in the 20s can't afford to buy a home. Nice try though

Haven't really read through everyone else's opinion on this, but the only opinion that should matter is your own. Lots of people have kids when they are "older", and I wouldn't even consider 36 to be "older" anyway! My sister had her first child at 36 and her second at 40, she and both kids are all doing great. My mum also had her final baby when she was 42, also with no problems. I'm expecting my second baby at 32 now, does that mean I'm getting close to being "too told" to having a baby?! It's your decision whether you feel "too old" or not.

You were definitely generalising about certain age groups and looking down on people who have issues with their child’s father.

I as 41 when I had my last one. What I will say is that it’s hard work parenting a young teen in your 50s! And knowing that he will likely be at Uni when Dh and I are in our 60s makes me worry about money. There are pros and cons!

I’d say my own personal cut off is 43 but obviously it’s all individual.

I struggle with the idea of people becoming parents to babies at 50+ though.

I think 45 is probably the cut off but at 47 I am yearning another.

that’s despite my views on climate breakdown, which seems to occupy another part of my brain entirely

I had my first at 32 and second at nearly 37, I couldn't do it again mentally or physically at 40.

inspired by a thread I read a while ago about a woman debating a 3rd child and she said she’d be 36 and the overall tone of the thread was ‘advanced maternal age’ and ‘increased risk twins/ genetic conditions’ etc but 36 is hardly old.

But if it’s your third child that obviously matters a lot - you’ve got other children to consider. Twins or a disabled sibling will have a big affect on them in terms of the attention and resources you can share. If it’s your first child then the only person affected is you, so that’s your call.

Had my first DD age 36 via IVF, had second DD age 42 also via fertility treatment. Ideally, I’d have liked to have had DD2 before I turned 40 but covid had other ideas and my fertility clinic was shut.

Could you not say the same about dc2?

I wanted to be done by 30. I feel to old now for any more at 31.