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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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Original poster

Do you enjoy being a parent?

89 replies

starbaby858 · 04/09/2022 12:16

I don’t.

I genuinely hate being a parent as everything feels never ending and I don’t have a spare 5 minutes to just sit and relax. I have 2 under 2 and my youngest has just been diagnosed with a rare genetic disorder. Since he came out of NICU some months ago, he has weekly appointments. Whether it be a paediatric appointment, with the neurologist, physio, OT, the list just doesn’t end.

I have support from family and their dad sees them three times a week so it isn’t about lack of support. I find parenting fucking brutal and I wish someone had prepared me for how difficult it is. My eldest is going through a phase of hitting, biting and not wanting to eat any food.

I’m not sure why I’m posting really, I just find everything shit and wonder if anyone feels similar or has any advice

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Oysterbabe · 04/09/2022 12:23

When they were that age? Not particularly. Mine are 4 and 6 now and generally great kids who are fun to be around.
Hang in there, you are in the trenches dealing with the hardest part, things will get better. My 6 year old was pre-term and has a heart condition. She was a very high needs baby and it was so tough. When my husband got home from work I used to pretty much throw her at him and go out. I felt like I was on the edge for a good few months.

SpinningFloppa · 04/09/2022 12:27

Nope 😫 but most people don’t admit to it from fear of judgement

DreamingofItaly2023 · 04/09/2022 12:28

I didn’t enjoy the first 12-18 months but have done ever since. However I have one very well behaved child and a very hands on DH. It sounds as though you have much more challenging circumstances and even without the health issues two under two must be very tiring.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General health General parenting

RedRobyn2021 · 04/09/2022 12:29

Yes I do. But I do have hard days where I feel stressed and overwhelmed and angry.

I do only have the 1 though and she's 18 months, perhaps if there was 2 of them it would be a different story.

riotlady · 04/09/2022 12:41

I do, but much more now DD is 4! I didn’t really enjoy toddler age at all and I only had one- you’ve got 2, with additional needs, and you’re doing it on your own! That sounds enormously tough and no wonder you’re finding it hard. I don’t have any advice but it sounds like you’re doing a fantastic job and things will get easier as they get older

Franca123 · 04/09/2022 12:44

You'd have to insane to enjoy 2 under 2. It gets better I assure you. And it gets better quite quickly. My youngest is 18months old and it's kind of pleasant.

Cornishmumofone · 04/09/2022 12:45

No. Becoming a parent was a terrible mistake.

GoneWithTheWine1 · 04/09/2022 12:46

Kinda. I hated it for a long time, then DS1 got to around 8-9 and I really enjoyed it. DS2 is nearly at that age now.

It's more fun when they are older, BUT both DS have Sen needs so the early years were fucking brutal in my defence.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 04/09/2022 12:47

I do think having kids close in age is in the long term better but I knew for sure I didn’t want 2 under 2 for this reason. Until the age of 3 children are physically draining and it’s relentless. It’s way more enjoyable once they are a bit more independent and you can have conversations and do more interesting things with them

Copasetic · 04/09/2022 12:47

Yes, but I have 3 easy children with large age gaps between, have never been a lone parent and they don't have health issues. I did find babies a lot harder, although still enjoyed it, but you throw a few other issues into the mix and I can totally see why you don't.

Annonnimoouse42 · 04/09/2022 12:47

it can be incredibly tedious

Hugasauras · 04/09/2022 12:47

Mostly but I don't have two under two or a child with complex medical needs, so my experience will be very different to yours. Mine are a 3-year age gap, DD1 is in nursery three days a week and I have been blessed with good sleepers, which makes a big difference, as I've always had time to do at least some of my own stuff every day.

Hugasauras · 04/09/2022 12:49

You're also a single parent, OP! You are in the fucking trenches right now Just keep keeping on. It will get easier.

Original poster

starbaby858 · 04/09/2022 12:51

Thank you for the comments, there’s a nice range of people who feel either way.

This may sound silly but I just don’t get how I’ll ever enjoy being a parent even when they’re older. It’s quite literally never ending. I agree with the comment that said being a parent was a mistake. Everyday I wish my life was different and I often dream about running away when the kids are with their dad or my mum.

I even struggle to leave the house with them often because it takes about 30 mins to get both kids ready. Everything’s just hell!

OP posts:

IceStationZebra · 04/09/2022 12:52

Not always. Most of the time. I get serious envy of people in the street sometimes if they’re just wandering along happy and unencumbered, and I am wrestling with a pushchair or a tantrum or mummymummymummyMUMMY.

your situation sounds particularly tough, though. I only have one for this reason, and could never consider so small an age gap.

do you have childcare for the oldest one?

Tigerstigers · 04/09/2022 12:56

I started to really enjoy parenting when mine were 2 & 4. Now they're 8 & 6, and it's much much easier. Although I do miss the toddler/preschool days, not constricted to school runs. The baby stage was pure hell!! Was most difficult when my 1st was 2 and had a newborn as I just needed to be in two places at once and it was near on impossible. I remember staring at the clock counting down the minutes for DH to come home so he could take one of them. I don't miss that stage one bit

SpinningFloppa · 04/09/2022 13:00

I feel the same even though mine are older often wish I could go back in time and undo it all so sadly it doesn’t always get better when they get older I find mine becoming harder as they get older but they also have additional needs.

gillybean89 · 04/09/2022 13:03

Honestly, I regret having children. I have DD 5 and DS 2.5 It's not an easy thing to admit - they are mostly well behaved, funny, bright, pleasant children. It's not their fault in the slightest, but I can't help but feel that I was not cut out for this and can't find the enjoyment in it. I hate that my house is always a mess, I hate that I can't have a shower in peace, I hate that I can't go out without military planning, I hate that I gave up everything I was to become a SAHM because my husband's long shifts and lack of family support mean childcare was just not financially viable for us and also means I am mostly alone with DC. DB and DSIL are currently trying for a baby - I have asked DB more than once if he's absolutely sure he wants this life.

OP, I totally get it. I am just hoping that this bit is hard, and that once they are older and both in school I will be able to do something for myself and hopefully go back to work and all will seem a bit better.

BeanieTeen · 04/09/2022 13:09

I enjoy parenting overall. But it is a bit of a rollercoaster in that it has its good and bad phases and in between. Sounds like you are going through a very tricky phase at the moment. I can see why you would feel down - I hope it passes.

mondaytosunday · 04/09/2022 13:10

No. Not when they were babies particularly. It was boring and drudgery.
Sweet spot is about 5-8/9, when they are somewhat independent, at school but still think your are the best thing in their lives.
Teenagers are an emotional and psychological minefield. By far the hardest phase.
I love my kids. They are my reason for living. But while I enjoy them I don't really like being the parent. I'm a widow too so that adds to the pressure. My parents are long deceased too and my siblings live in another country.

bloodywhitecat · 04/09/2022 13:13

Yes, I did and I do. Mine are fully grown now so I foster, I usually foster under 2s and often have two babies together often with additional needs/substance withdrawing. But, I realise that not everyone does enjoy parenting and no-one should be judged for not enjoying it.

jamsandwich1 · 04/09/2022 13:13

2 under 2 is no picnic and one of your children has additional needs. I found the first year of 2 under 2 was just survival. My youngest turns 2 in a couple of months and it’s infinitely easier now. Some days are just tough but they get fewer and far between. I totally agree though, nobody can prepare you for the relentlessness of it. When my youngest was a baby I felt like I was on a treadmill that I couldn’t get off. Hang in there, you’re doing so well.

BeanieTeen · 04/09/2022 13:13

I know you have support but do you really get any proper breaks? I personally don’t feel the need to be doing what I want when I want in my free time all the time like I did before I had kids - but I do need some time to do things for me, whether thats a bit of retail therapy or meeting a friend or just having some time at home alone to read a book and watch tv. I think parenting can be very much like a job in that way - it can be fun and fulfilling, but it’s easy to burn out too. Everyone needs a break.

partypingal · 04/09/2022 13:18

I do, some of the time, but if I don't get a decent amount of breaks I become extremely miserable.

What I enjoy is seeing her develop and learn and master new things and ideas. I enjoy the love and the funny things she says. There are some activities we love to do together too, every day we go out on our bikes for eg.

But she does have some issues and the emotions and the worry and the effort it takes to keep her fed and rested and on an even keel is draining.

ivfbabymomma1 · 04/09/2022 13:22

I do, but I only have 1 who's just turned 3 and I enjoy his company. I feel like I "need" to have a second one despite my concerns but that's a story for my own thread lol

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