Do you enjoy being a parent?

[starbaby858]

I don’t.

I genuinely hate being a parent as everything feels never ending and I don’t have a spare 5 minutes to just sit and relax. I have 2 under 2 and my youngest has just been diagnosed with a rare genetic disorder. Since he came out of NICU some months ago, he has weekly appointments. Whether it be a paediatric appointment, with the neurologist, physio, OT, the list just doesn’t end.

I have support from family and their dad sees them three times a week so it isn’t about lack of support. I find parenting fucking brutal and I wish someone had prepared me for how difficult it is. My eldest is going through a phase of hitting, biting and not wanting to eat any food.

I’m not sure why I’m posting really, I just find everything shit and wonder if anyone feels similar or has any advice

No, I don't. 2yo is extremely challenging. If he's not crying then he's whingeing and it feels relentless. We didn't have an easy start with NICU stays too. Right now he's having a fit because he's tired... but then cries harder when you try to put him to sleep as he doesn't want to sleep. But he needs sleep!!!! Im at the end of my rope. Yesterday was the same and he cried for 2 hours non-stop. No matter what we did. The tantrums are also brutal. I feel like a rubbish mother on a daily basis tbh and like I'm failing miserably. I also feel like people judge me when he's acting up but he just doesn't listen. He's very very strong willed and extremely resilient. I hope these things will serve him well when he's older but oh my, it's hard work. I wouldn't tell anyone in real life but I hate being a mother right now. I don't think I'm very good at it.

Hey friend - me too! Hence my username

The way I described my current mind frame to a super close friend this weekend was: it’s relentless torture and I absolutely loath every second, I really do, but the thought of trusting someone else to permanently look after them is even more scary than me doing it and knowing they’re ok.

Just to say our situation because I also have (had) 2 under 2: 11m and 2y both boys and absolutely fucking wild. Aside from the constant fighting, kicking pushing slapping (full arm swings from the toddler to the baby) we also don’t get ANY sleep, baby wakes up every 2 hours screaming and the toddler is up at 4:45 this morning. WTF - we’re insanely drained. Like you it takes an age to leave the house and they’re both screaming or crying by the time we leave. It’s horrendous.

ITS IMPOSSIBLE TO GET IT UNLESS YOU HAVE HAD 2u2! Please join the Facebook group unless you have already, outstanding support and solidarity. The photos of shitty living rooms and crying kids give me life knowing it isn’t just me.

I became so sick of people giving shit advice or saying things like ‘awh just do this’ or ‘it’s easy you just have to xyz’ and me being like are you kidding meeeee, don’t you think we’ve tried those things already.

As little people they’re quite funny,
min the future I can tell I will enjoy learning about who they are and listening to what they’ve been up to but at the moment my life consists of screaming, repeating shit, actual shit, chasing, being climbed on, hair pulled, dribbled on.. etc literally nobody would say this is enjoyable if they were honest with themselves.

Yep yep yep to a lot of these comments!

I do get a break when their dad is here as I can catch up on some sleep or go and get mt hair done but none of that matters to me. I don’t even enjoy having a break as I sometimes get anxious knowing I’ll have to go back to my house and deal with the kids.

Both of them sleep okay, it can be much worse but I just have that feeling of dread every single day when we wake up. Like as soon as I wake up I’m literally fighting for my life trying to look after these kids😂 it sounds so dramatic but that’s how I truly feel

Yes I love it but DD is a young adult now. I found it very hard when she was a baby/small child and felt I’d made a huge mistake. Specially as although I wasn’t a particularly young mum most of my friends didn’t have children and were continuing to do all the fun stuff we’d done together before I had DD. Some of them now have young-ish children and I’m sure they envy my freedom.

My feelings have gradually changed over 20+ years and I cried when she left for uni and struggled with an empty nest. Would not have believed that if someone had told me when she was a baby/toddler I’d feel like that one day!

@Secondchildregret hahahaha you’ve made me laugh so much😂 especially this bit ‘I became so sick of people giving shit advice or saying things like ‘awh just do this’ or ‘it’s easy you just have to xyz’ and me being like are you kidding meeeee, don’t you think we’ve tried those things already.’

It’s so true! Like just kill me already I’ve already tried every single thing known to man, what else can I bloody do. Pls PM me the FB link? Two have come up and I’m not sure which one you’ve suggested

I'd say I enjoyed elements from the beginning, but it wasn't until DS started school that I actively enjoy being a parent. Myself and DH are happy with one child though and I do think if we had another it would tip the balance again. 2 under 2 sounds absolutely brutal, and although some do carry on not enjoying it I'm sure you will find your groove as they get a bit older.

I’m also not ignoring the positive posts btw! I’m happy to hear so many of you genuinely do enjoy being a parent.

It seems that the baby/toddler stage is generally tough anyway? My youngest is 4 months so it looks like I’m going to be miserable for a while!

I don't have any advice because I honestly don't know how I survived having 2 under 2. It was the most difficult time of my life. My dc are 10 and 11 now and as they generally do their own things it's much easier but there are still some aspects of being a parent that I dislike.

I love my DS with all my heart, but I hate the constant worry that having a child brings. He has allergies, I worry if his friends are being nice to him, I worry he will get bullied or feel lonely, I worry he spends too much time online and I don't do enough with him, I worry he'll fall off his bike and have a nasty accident, etc etc. I also feel guilty every day about things I have / haven't done.

OP, I'm sorry

Whoops, hit post too soon!!

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time, it sounds really tough and I wish I could give you a hug. I really needed to read this thread today. I don't have two under two - one is almost three and one is almost 6 months - and I love them both more than anything but I definitely have days where I wish I could rewind time and enjoy doing things for and by myself! Mostly it's fine and my three year old is such fun now but the baby is a poor sleeper and hates being put down and I often find myself counting the hours to bedtime.

I so recognise this. Nothing prepared me for the worry and the guilt!

I do. Now. I didn’t all the time when they were little! And mine were without any real additional needs. (1 has slight sen but very mild)
They’re now all teens and relatively easy 1 in fact for me it improved when they could all get in the car and put their own seat belts on. It might sound mad but just the littlest thing helped!

I wish I hadn't opened this thread 😳

I do. I had 2 under 2, found some of it really hard for the first 18m of having ds2 but he was an awful sleeper. But I did mostly enjoy it still and am a sahm because I enjoy parenting.
They are 4 and 3 now and have been off nursery for the summer. We've honestly had the best time. All over social media I've seen people saying "it's ok to have not enjoyed it and good mums worry they haven't done enough but your kids are fed so it's fine" and I think I'm the weird one for having loved this summer and I know I've done more than enough to make their summer great.
Having said that, a lot of the things we've done this summer, I wouldn't have done last year on my own with them both (zoo, various days out, baking!) I've noticed a real shift in the last 12 months and it all seems a lot easier now. So hang in there, it gets better.

I really enjoyed being pregnant but was completely unprepared for how hard it would be once they arrived. Both my children were born with health issues, DS1 we knew about during pregnancy and he had 2 operations in the first 6 months to rectify the issues. DS2 we didn't know about and his issues were a lot worse. We spent months in and out of hospital although thankfully that is all behind us and he is healthy and happy. I struggled to bond with my eldest and felt so much relief whenever DH took him off my hands. DS2 was very different and I bonded straight away. They are now 5 and 8 and it's wonderful, we do lots of fun activities like theme parks and cinema trips and they are great company. You couldn't pay me to have another toddler though. I would not be without them but sometimes I do miss my old life, having nice things in the house, cleaning up that stays tidy until you do it again, not being indebted to my parents if we want a night out. You're definitely in the trenches though and it's relentless. YANBU.

Having kids definitely bring on a lot of worries that I had never thought about before.

I don’t know if it’s having two kids or have 2 under 2 which makes me feel as if I hate being a parent but I often count down to bedtime too. I was up with my youngest at 4am, was able to sleep at 8am then I was up at 9am with my toddler. I’ve been counting down until bedime since 9 bloody am.
Surely this can’t be life

ITS IMPOSSIBLE TO GET IT UNLESS YOU HAVE HAD 2u2! Please join the Facebook group unless you have already, outstanding support and solidarity. The photos of shitty living rooms and crying kids give me life knowing it isn’t just me.

I wish I had this when I had 2 under 2. I felt very alone.

OP, you have 2 babies, one has additional needs and you are a single parent. That is a lot. I’m glad you get some time to yourself, cherish it and nurture yourself during the time the DC are elsewhere. Try not to use up the time doing chores, I know easier said than done.

This is a very tough time for you, I’m not surprised you’re not enjoying it, but it will gradually get easier 💐

This ⬆️⬆️

The teenage phase is by far the worst and hardest emotionally to try and navigate. I had 3 under 2 and hated that phase too. I loved the ages of 6-10/11, so much easier and fun.

Mine are now 18, 16 (twins) and 4.

The 4 year old was a little suprise after getting the others to 13 and 11. I was absolutely devastated when I found out I was pregnant and so was dh. We were depressed for the whole pregnancy, I couldn't get excited at all. Then when she was born that rush of love just came and we are besotted with her, as are our older children, they love having a little sibling.

Even though I love her so so much I still often have tiny niggles of regret about having her on the hard day's. I would be almost finished with rearing kids if she didn't come along. There's no going back though so we just muddle on x

This ^

People would t make such a fuss about the precious bond and no love like it, if it were fun at the time.

Don't beat yourself up about it. It will get better.

I do enjoy it, but then again you couldn't have paid me to have 2 under 2.

Exactly. I didn’t enjoy it at all. It’s something if I had a choice I wouldn’t have done it. However It got better once my dc became a teen and was more independent and didn’t depend on me much anymore.

Parenting no, not much fun tbh. BUT I would crawl over broken glass for DD. I think thats why many parents keep plugging along. It’s got a bit easier now DD is nearer 3 (not easy as such but a bit better). The unrelenting responsibility for another human being and the worry, dear god the worry. I still spend a lot of time waiting for bedtime too! And have a shite sleeper as well.

Two under two has to be brutal. You aren’t alone in finding it a struggle OP. Unmumsnetty hug for you.

I can’t seem to get a link on my phone but it’s this one. Honestly you and anyone else join it, you can post anon like here to and it’s just a super understanding space.

I hope your situation improves soon, I will 100% get easier. The poster who said when they can climb in the car and put their own seat belt on - must be a huge win - I agree it’s moments like that and going to the toilet on their own that will make everything easier.

Thank you for the encouraging comments, I really appreciate it.

I do love my kids and would die for them but if I could go back, I wouldn’t have had them at all if I’m being honest. I think doing it all by yourself (emotionally, physically and financially) increases the pressure that much more and the constant worry about money sucks the joy out of things.

@Secondchildregret thank you! X