Do you enjoy being a parent?

[starbaby858]

I don’t.

I genuinely hate being a parent as everything feels never ending and I don’t have a spare 5 minutes to just sit and relax. I have 2 under 2 and my youngest has just been diagnosed with a rare genetic disorder. Since he came out of NICU some months ago, he has weekly appointments. Whether it be a paediatric appointment, with the neurologist, physio, OT, the list just doesn’t end.

I have support from family and their dad sees them three times a week so it isn’t about lack of support. I find parenting fucking brutal and I wish someone had prepared me for how difficult it is. My eldest is going through a phase of hitting, biting and not wanting to eat any food.

I’m not sure why I’m posting really, I just find everything shit and wonder if anyone feels similar or has any advice

I (mostly) did when I had 1. I also had 2 under 2 (15 month age gap). I have a very hands on DH but he works away and did a LOT when DC2 was a baby. My dad had also died the week before DC2 was born. It was hectic and to be honest I remember very little of those days. I think I mostly still enjoyed it though.

Then I had a 3rd (not planned). And although she is actually a very easy baby (now 1) it coincided with DC2 starting the most horrific stage of tantrums (probably not a coincidence).

No, I am not enjoying it at the moment. I also dream about running away. Its bloody relentless. My house is constantly a mess and I've lost the will tidying up the same shit day in, day out. I am over being screamed at. I am over being woken up. I am just over it.

I used to scream at my DH... 'why the fuck am I on maternity leave, I earn more than you... you do this'. Being back at work does help and gives me room to breathe, and I don't even like my job (not sure if that is an option for you when baby is a bit older).

If DC3 goes through the same stage DC2 is currently in then I don't think I'll cope. And if DC2 doesn't grow out of it soon then I swear I am going back full time and DH can quit.

But I do get moments of joy. The baby is in a very funny stage. The eldest is generally very good. And DC2, albeit a holy terror, is the most loving, loyal little man.

Do you find any of those moments in between the monotony and tedium?

Must go and deal with a screaming baby who has apparently decided that bedtimes are optional. Aaaarrrrggghhhhhh!!!

I really miss having time to myself (although I do get it sometimes now they're older) but I do love parenthood. I find it hugely rewarding, fulfilling, enjoyable and fun. It's definitely hard and exhausting but I wouldn't have it any other way.

@Muststopeating haha omg I felt every word of your post!

Do you find any of those moments in between the monotony and tedium?

I definitely do. My 4 month old has just rolled over for the first time ever and earlier on I was kicking a ball about with my 16 month old. However these times are so far and few between because I’m sat here stressed about how we’re going to make it through the day. I do think it’s a mental thing that I need to overcome. Sometimes I just think I can’t cope as a single parent and that’s where the stress and hate for parenting comes in.

Must go and deal with a screaming baby who has apparently decided that bedtimes are optional. Aaaarrrrggghhhhhh!!!

😂 I’m about to put my 16 month old down soon and I know how that’s going to go. My thoughts are with you!

I do most of the time. I feel like it gave me purpose at a time in my life where I was very lost.

Yes it's relentless and stressful and exhausting. But I do enjoy it and bad circumstances not curtailed it I would have probably selfishly had more children (I have 3).

We had 2 under 2, and they're now 2.5 and 10 months and I still find it really relentless and tough. We have no family help though and work opposite shifts, so I feel like I'm either at work or parenting with nothing in between. It is getting better slowly though, and I can see a light at the end of the tunnel.

It's a slog. A bloody hard thankless slog BUT you will have moments when you realise you're actually doing ok. I was fortunate to have my 2 in mid twenties. I had energy and was able to muddle through. I take my hat off to mums who have children later in life, it must be exhausting. mine are now late teens and although I have many moments of stress and worry still I also find I'm more able to enjoy the good bits. Remarkably both seem to have turned out to be kind, emphatic individuals and I'm hugely proud of them

It's hard because when you look around everyone seems to have their shit together and you feel you're the only one struggling. You're not I promise. We're all getting through it the best we can

Good luck with that... maybe they'll surprise you tonight? (Ha).

You have a poorly newborn and a toddler and you are a single parent. Plus you have money worries. On the spectrum of difficult, this is up there.

I remember a very distinctive point when DC2 was about 18 months old that we suddenly went... oh wow, this is easier. It was like a light bulb. I know that seems forever away, but there is light at the end of the tunnel and it will come sooner than you think.

And to the PP that said them being able to get in the car and put their own seatbelts on... yes!!!! I cannot wait til the day all 3 of mine can do this. I bloody HATE loading them in and out the car. Its so freaking annoying.

Thank you both💖

I had my first last year a month after I turned 22 and the second two days after I turned 23 earlier this year. I do sometimes see mum’s outside and think wow how did they even manage to leave the house with 3 or 4 kids. I guess everyone’s just trying their best.

I think that’s how I need to think of it. There’s light at the end of the tunnel and this tiredness and constant stress hopefully won’t last forever. I really do hope it get’s easier as I always think the kid’s could do with a better mum!

When mine were that age, not really no. It was just hard work. Now I enjoy it - they are 6 and 4.

Tomorrow after nearly 7 years of having two kids with me nearly 24/7 I will be freeeeeee! 😂 dd is nearly 7 but going to school for the first time (homeschooled) and ds 4 is starting reception.

I generally had a miserable time overall and found parenting very difficult and demanding!

I'm looking forward to it now because they will be in school most days which will give me part of my life back!

I really do hope it get’s easier as I always think the kid’s could do with a better mum!

Don't be so hard on yourself, sounds like you're doing a great job in challenging circumstances.

Yes I love it and absolutely the best thing I’ve ever done in my life

I actually think a lot of parents, mums in particular, feel they can’t admit to loving it because you’re then met with comments like

“yeah but you can’t love every minute”
“surely you miss your old life sometimes”
etc

I do think parenting a lot of the time is what you make it, aside from things you can’t help obviously.

I felt more of a big sister than a mum. There both adults now and thankfully they don`t want kids .

I enjoy parenting now mine is a teen and can do her own thing but in general....no. not really.