I've got a drunk and puking 15 yet old, what do I do?

[treesandweeds]

First time this has happened, she's nicked rum and drunk it without us knowing. She's vomited all over her bed.
I can't get out of her how much she's had, she's acting sleepy but that could be cos she tired. She's been sick about 3 times.
What do I do?

She’s only 15 she will learn. At least she’s experienced that awful feeling in the safety of her home with you close by. Hopefully she will learn from this and I wouldn’t punish her. Just have a frank conversation regarding the safety issues of being that drunk when you won’t be there.

I'd treat it as one shit night probably worth the price of the lesson she will learn.

She has no idea of appropriate measures etc but it's a mistake she's unlikely to repeat.

I imagine she'll be a lot less inclined to repeat the experience in London. It's a life lesson we all have to learn the hard way and in your safe environment is best.

That said, I wouldn't be helping her with hangover remedies too quickly. You want a bit of pain she can actually remember!

She will feel awful tomorrow both from hangover and guilt. Sounds like it is a one off as you say she doesn't go to parties etc and is a good girl!! Tell her tomorrow it is no longer fashionable to drink anymore - stats show young people don't drink much or at all now. The biggest problem here is DH and looks like you two don't have a common parenting approach...

Oh God! I remember the days!! I was spectacularly sick all down my Ddads new suit after a neighbours wedding we’d attended. It was Babycham😀 he made me pay for the dry cleaning and made sure I spent the next day hoovering, cleaning and cooking so I couldn’t nurse my hideous hangover!
I was also not allowed to forget it, as we were with other neighbours at the time and I was teased for some time afterwards. We’ve all been there OP!!

Ah there you are, good morning to you too, Mumsnet day shift. I may well have done similar myself, perhaps a little tongue in cheek. You seem to be starting early there, might want to save something for later, eh? 😂🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️

When I was 14/15 I remember going to the pub with my parents on New Year’s Eve and drinking cider. I danced all the way home, then started throwing up. I know, 70’s parenting was different to now.

When my DD reached 16 I was given some really good advice. We had an agreement with her that if she ever found herself in a “situation” and didn’t feel safe, she would call us. I would come and get her in the car (or taxi) no questions asked. Then the next day we would calmly ask what happened, what her thinking was and how she could make sure it didn’t happen again. She called me twice during sixth form for help.

Boys/alcohol/sex/drugs are the main thing parents worry about. I think we are naïve if we don’t think our daughters will be exposed to them. There are similar but different dangers to boys.

I believe like driving or swimming, teenagers need to learn about drinking. Ok some don’t drink, but many more will lie, and in that way may get themselves into danger. Ok, as parents we don’t want our young teenagers doing these things, but if we let them out to socialise with friends, then some of them will be doing it some of the time.

I bought my Dd a breathalyser. Mostly so she could check herself the next morning, if she had stayed over and was driving. I also hope she would use it to check and see how easy it was to get drunk very quickly.

It sounds to me that you are doing the right thing. The calmer you are the more likely she will admit what her thinking was in taking the rum.

Sometimes it’s not about bollocking them, it’s keeping them safe for the next time.

I was so sick when I was 15 after alcohol I’ve never drank alcohol since, it might be a blessing in disguise. Surely the sickness is punishment enough! if you punish her too much she’ll drink and not come home after and that’s way worse.

How is she this morning OP? And you?

I’d recommend McDonalds for her hangover. When I’ve had this with my DS (he’s 20) he’s been full of remorse the next day, so nothing more than kindness needed.

I didn’t allow spirits at that age, even though I love rum. It’s too strong for them and they don’t have a clue about pouring sensible measures.

I'm not sure why you're thinking about punishing her when it reads like your husband encouraged her to neck the rum!

Sips not mouthfuls is always better when being sick.

Hope she's not feeling too bad this morning.
Just enough for her to not want to do it again for a good while, perhaps.

We've all been there.

I agree that cancelling her trip would seem harsh.

It's not great that she's been and got drunk, but it's kind of a rite of passage in many ways. Many many kids do it and then it puts them off for a good while.

I'd focus on the safety aspects of it for now, especially as a young women/girl drinking so much she is 'out of it.'

As she is normally a good girl, trustworthy, etc I'd not be too hard in her. I suspect she will feel embarrassed enough as it is. Just some truths and a promise to not take it again would be enough I think.

But yes, to her helping clear up today.

Make her clean it up and then ground her.

I'd def go easy on punishments and focus on safety/dangers of being in that state.

You want her to know that if she messes up she can always come to you and you'll help her stay safe.

Dd did it (got very drunk underage) once around that age. We didn't punish - how she felt that night and the next day was enough, and she helped clear her room/Nat room up without being asked. She was very embarrassed and didn't go and get drunk like that again - and to be honest even now, as a 20y, never gets in that state ever since.

A few years later and we laugh about it together. And dd always knows that whatever happens we are here and we will help her, or,any of her friends, in they need it. All she needs to do is call and ask.

When I was 16 (so not exactly last week) I went out with work colleagues and got plastered
long story short,I was brought home by the police,thrown into my parents house,puked all over my mothers new rug and staggered off to bed
woke up the next morning,feeling fine but dreading the bollocking I knew I was going to get

nothing-not one word-it was like nothing happened-she’d gone to bed,leaving me to it

years later my brother (who is 6 years younger) did the same (minus the police) and she stayed up all night with him,feeding him Diet Coke and cooing at him
he woke up,shouted ‘I’m late for work’ and shot out of the door

she treats that as a funny story

oddly,I rarely drink now-I’ve not been pissed in 14 years

my brother is out every weekend as he knows mummy or his wife will pick up the pieces when he overdoes it

I’d have a gentle word with her in the morning-and read the riot act to your husband-we all make mistakes as parents,but there are mistakes and this

Your husband is the arsehole in this situation, op
What are you doing to address that?

I hope she’s okay today.

I think as a one off I wouldn’t come down on her too hard considering your husband was encouraging the behaviour. The fact she was so unwell will probably be a good punishment in itself and enough to put her off drinking again for a while!

I would expect her to buy a new bottle of rum to replace what she stole and to clear up the sick, deep clean the carpet etc. I think cancelling the London trip might be a bit too much, but would probably ground her and/ or take away her phone or other tech over this weekend as punishment.

I could have written this last summer! My DD was 15 at the time and came home from an afternoon at the beach on a scorching hot day, absolutely shit faced on rum. To make matters more complicated, she clearly had a bit of heatstroke too, and while sitting on her bed, slumped sideways and hit her head on the corner of the radiator 😣

I put her in the recovery position with a bucket next to the bed and then checked on her hourly through the night. She was up and ready for school at 7.30 the next morning, fresh faced and bright as a button! She got a bit of bollocking for stealing the rum from our cupboard, but we didn’t punish her for the drunkness itself.

She has got drunk since but nothing like as bad as that first time, and no puking.

She knows that we will always be willing to come and get her if she ever gets into a pickle again, at any time of the night, or if happens to one of her friends and she doesn’t know what to do. Even if it’s drugs as opposed to drink- basically just never be afraid to call us. Our first priority will always be to get you somewhere safe and help you recover.

TBH, this sounds like DH is the one to blame, not her. I'd focus on this being a teachable moment (this is what drinking too much does to you) rather than a punishable one. I can't imagine she'll be keen to repeat it anytime soon, so I doubt she's going to go wild in London. Would be a shame to cancel that trip when she's been led astray by a trusted grown-up.

And how many of us have allowed our 15yo a drink? Makes us all arseholes? He allowed her 1 drink at home with the family.

Hope she's up and feeling fine today.

I was 12 when I did this. My mum gave me HELL. I puked all over my bedroom. However there was one of the usual 'parties' where nobody gave a shit what the kids were up to as long as they weren't interrupting the fun/drinking. It was diamond White and red wine. Urgh. Hope your DD is feeling better today

It's a rite of passage.

@WeWillLookBack your son sounds awesome, what a lovely caring friend.

A bit of a lesson I think about the dangers of spirits - so easy to make a triple measure (or more ) if mixing yourself - and even worse if necked directly from the bottle .

Longer drinks are a lot safer - perhaps fruity ciders (just watch out for the strong ones).

It's always rum.

I did similar at about 14.

Drinks cabinet rum.

Her hangover will be punishment enough!!!