I've got a drunk and puking 15 yet old, what do I do?

[treesandweeds]

First time this has happened, she's nicked rum and drunk it without us knowing. She's vomited all over her bed.
I can't get out of her how much she's had, she's acting sleepy but that could be cos she tired. She's been sick about 3 times.
What do I do?

My DS did this at 15. Like you, I was horrified, but it does happen. Hopefully today she'll be feeling awful, DS was incredibly embarrassed, especially when he found he'd been sick on the hosts rug and his friends had to call me to pick him up. It put him off spirits (especially vodka) for a long time.

In DS case, an older brother of a friend got him the alcohol. I would be annoyed with your DH. I wouldn't punish her, I'm a believer in natural consequences, and the shame and having to clean up the sick will be more effective than any punishment.

If she's that poorly I doubt she'll do it again!
Most of us have that drink that we now won't touch.
Like previous posts better to do this at home than out where she's extremely vulnerable!
DH should have stayed up with her though

She's 15, if its her fist drink its pretty late for kids these days.

She's at home where she's safe. Your husband let her have 1 drink in an environment where you could keep an eye on her, hardly a sin. It's a learning experience for her, she'll probably feel shit and embarrassed. Let her clear it up but give her a hand (just to make sure its done properly and to let her know your not mad at her (even if you are)). I'm sure most of us have been there. She shouldn't have pinched the rum (evil stuff) have a chat about keeping safe, especially when she's not at home. Bad things can happen to drunk people, especially women, also point out that it can hit you unexpectedly, fine one minute out of it the next.

Just be glad she's safe and you were there for her, its what mums are for.

Not sure why dh thought be a good idea to give her rum at 15

equally at 15/16 I was out drinking with my friends Ie sharing a bottle of cider or lieb wine

being a mum to a 5yr I have all this to come

guess better they first drink at home so uou can help them if need be

she is prob feeling awful this am

you need to have the chat that too much drink Is dangerous and people take advantage

luckily she has you too look after her

I wouldn’t stop her going out with her friends next week but I would try and install how drink can be dangerous at her age

equally as someone said that let her know if she ever gets in same position away from home she can call you and you will collect

obviously in 10yrs time when dd is 15 I may be the one writing this

I did this, classy girl that I am in the park with cheap cider.

My Dad had a wry chuckle (I remember this) when he picked me up and told me I'd get my own punishment.

I cleaned up my room (which was surprisingly not too bad) but obviously felt horrific the next day. A conversation was had about knowing limits and the potential consequences....parents never mentioned it again. I learned my lesson.

I never did get that dunk again until I was much, much older and should have been wiser but if she's sensible normally then have that conversation and move on. She will feel awful about it, as well as generally awful.

I was, hence why I said about passing her a hangover cure, coke, banana and paracetamol always works for me.

A hangover is punishment enough, as others said it's good she's done this at home where she's safe and can be taken care of.

Salt and vinegar pringles and full sugar coke with sofa, duvet and netflix remote.

I did this, slid down the wall when I came home, mother sent me to bed, gave me water, paracetamol, kept an eye until I slept it off. I wasn't punished, but given a talking to about the risks of alcohol and a warning that next time she wouldn't be so understanding. No hangover, due to being young I suppose.

Why would you stop her going into London as a punishment when her father actually encouraged her, ok not to neck the bottle, but gave her the drink in the first place? Double standards?

My parents were pretty draconian but even they didn't punish me for drinking too much. They regarded the hangover as punishment enough I think.

IMO, stealing the booze is a worse "crime" than foolishly drinking too much. Maybe ask her to pay for the goods she stole?

But don't cancel her trip.

The teen years are when mistakes are made and I think the age for "punishing" behaviour is past. You need to help her learn that her decisions have consequences of their own, not invent consequences as a means of exerting control over her. You ARE losing control, and that is a right and natural part of having children growing up, so you need to support her in learning how to take control of her own life.

I can guarantee she will never drink rum again! Hangover will be punishment enough!

100% this. Don’t beat yourself up, you are not a crap parent and most will experience similar one day - don’t listen to anyone who doesn’t parent a teenager.

Those 4 words just gave me terrible flashbacks 🤣

My 15yr old son went to a party and one of the girls got drunk. He msged to say he was looking after her and checking she was ok, and had put his backpack on her ???? Asked why - 'so she doesn't roll on to her back and choke if she is sick' - turns out his is so much more sensible than me as a 15yr old.

Alcohol makes you want more. An adult gave her alcohol. She likely got that buzz that even many adults cannot control. I'd just be talking to her about alcohol rather than telling her off.

Whatever you do, make sure she knows you will always help when she is drunk/does something stupid and consequences are for day after

(So she knows you will come and pick her up instead of her walking home at 2am for example... Safety first!)

Cleaning up is punishment.

A massive talk about peer pressure, spiking, drugs, knowing limits, looking out for friends, having water/soft drinks as well, the dangers of cocktails/alcohols that taste sweet like pop.

Why would you stop her going into London as a punishment when her father actually encouraged her, ok not to neck the bottle, but gave her the drink in the first place? Double standards?

Did he encourage her or did she want to try it? If she wanted to try rum then best she get a drop from dad where he can keep an eye on her (not that that worked) rather than at some party with a lot of other drunken teenagers.

You can't stop them trying booze but you can at least try and keep them safe as they experiment.

Rum makes me feel awful the next day even if I'm not drunk.

I think you did exactly the right thing. Today she'll feel very sorry for herself, maybe give her some dioralite if she's dehydrated as she was so sick her electrolytes will be off. It's a lesson learnt for both her and your husband. I did it at the same age and have never touched Bacardi since.

I often find with drinking too much your punishment is being sick/having a hang over and I doubt she’ll be in a rush to do it again.

I don’t think DH giving her one drink is a big deal but I’d be very angry she stole from me and I’d want her to pay for the bottle.

I wouldn’t punish any further than her cleaning up and paying for the bottle though as we all do stupid stuff when we’re young.

Does she have any friends?
Is she happy?
It is concerning that she got drunk by herself on her room.

It’s also odd why you wouldn’t let DH sit with her. Why is this?

At least she was at home. I allow DD(15) and her friend (with her mum’s knowledge) the occasional drink. I tend to give them a premixed can so I know the ratio of alcohol is low.

recently DS (18) and his cousins (20 and 16) overdid it, their older cousin who they were staying with bollocked them, but mainly because they were falling around too close to the swimming pool.

cleaning up is punishment enough.

Being sick doesn't get rid of alcohol, just the contents of the stomach. The liver processes alcohol at a rate of 1 hr per unit and nothing can be done to speed that up. Hope she's OK OP.

Just make her clean it up.

If you punish her you run the risk she will keep her escapades from you and if she's in a pickle at some point won't contact you for help.

I don't love the 2.30am phone calls to come to the rescue but they've only happened once or twice per child.

Hangover and cleaning the mess up will be punishment enough.

been there done that - me drinking not my kids (they’re too little for drinking at 3 and 4). I was made to get up and carry on with the day and then clean up and do laundry. Having to have a normal day with a hangover was awful.

on a practical note though have you got a multi vitamin she can have. And or some rehydration solution.

I did this at the same age and surprisingly my mum never actually went mad at me. Although she had a firm word of course.

I never drank that much again. How is she this morning?

Before you decide how you are going to punish I would see what she is like when she is awake. If she is very apologetic etc then cleaning up and a discussion is probably sufficient. However if there's a bit of 'well
I feel ok can't have been that bad' or she doesn't seem to see it's wrong, I would deal with this differently.

I would also say that it's highly likely that other children are having parties and drinking so it may be part of wanting to fit it.

What are the friends she is going to London with like?

It's a good lesson on how quickly she can become drunk, sick and vulnerable. Go with that instead of punishment.