Want to go home, day 3 of 2 week holiday.

[Stressedonholiday]

i am on holiday with my two kids 8 and 6 and my husband. My 8 year old is driving me insane. He is grumpy and rude. He is hurting his brother. He can’t stand still in queues, he won’t stay with us anywhere we go (shops, streets, museums, parks). He is 8!!! And we were waiting in a queue for 20 mins and I looked down and he is LYING on the road. Luckily it was pedestrianised. I look around and all around me there are children patiently waiting at cash tills for their parents, or sitting at tables for lunches or managing ti walk past a tree without trying to free run up it… but mine? Pinching his brother, badgering me to buy something I’ve said no too a million times, screeching, storming off, lying down, jumping off walls into people because he doesn’t look…

He is enjoying most of the holiday he says (and I can see that he is) but the instant he isn’t being directly entertained he turns into a really difficult child. We don’t usually do screens but on the way here (an 8 hour drive over 2 days split into 2h am and 2h pm) they had tablets with a few episodes of a series they like and an audiobook. Nothing crazy. They have had a few late nights admittedly but this behaviour is just so out of character….
i asked him to read 2 pages of Diary of a Wimpy Kid today. It took him 45 mins with all the arguing and refusals. Yesterday he read 2 pages in about 5 mins. He has to catch up on his reading for school and anyone would think I had asked him to do alevel practice papers.

i am so exhausted with being ‘on’ him all the time. And he is bored (understandably) of being in trouble all the time.

I can’t bear the idea of having to go through this for another 10 days…. Any ideas of how to nip this in the bud or should I give up and go home and try again next year?

I'm sure it won't be a popular answer but if I were you I'd give him the option of behaving, or being taken straight back to the hotel room for the rest of the day, with just his book. Not great for you or DH, but probably the best way to get him to stop fucking about.

Tell him before you go out, warn once, and then follow through like your life depends on it.

You say it’s out of character and yesterday he was able to focus. Is this just one day then? Maybe he is just over tired and can’t regulate himself, you know how some people get into a mood and don’t know how to get out of it.

Could you have a less busy day tomorrow, don’t ask him to read if he doesn’t want to, what do you have planned? And a good night sleep so he’s well rested?

if he’s behind on reading maybe he doesn’t enjoy it and needs a break from it, chose what is worth battling over.

Love this actually

Kids club?

Sorry op, I know it's hell

But if it continues just go home

Life's too short

Probably an unpopular opinion but l would come down hard.

I would tell him in no uncertain terms that he is being selfish as you and DH need a holiday and he has ruined it up to now and it will not be tolerated...every time he puts a foot out of line l would warn once more and back to the hotel for the morning or afternoon, with no tv or screens ...then follow through...it may mess some of your plans but at least one of you can go off with other DC, tag team back to the hotel with him if necessary...but like the other PP said you must follow through and no compromise.
Also l would make a list of the things he will lose for a month on returning as well as the hotel consequence, ie bike/activities/ipad time.

If he doesn't learn to behave better now at 8 you will really have a problem at 12/15/18.
Good luck op..

Can you have a pool day tomorrow to chill. Our DS is 8 nearly 9 he would manage one touristy day but two would likely result in him acting out

My daughter is autistic and we have to write off the first couple of days of any holiday. Shes just so out of her comfort zone she seems wild. It can be really frustrating and hard work but we had to accept it and just roll with it. If she can't q we don't. If she is screaming we ignor. Or we will spend a day in our room or doing very low key stuff.
I'm not saying your son is autistic but all children can suffer this way of our of routine.
My daughter has a communication board despite being well able to communicate. Its a small white board where we write whats happening on really simply. So for eg museum, lunch, hotel. It prevents them feeling out of control and gives them something concrete to focus on. Could you do this.

When out of routine even

He sounds over excited and maybe tired. Where are you, what kind of holiday? Mine had a few times like this on holiday, we had a pool day followed by an early night. The next day was much more pleasant. Is that kind of thing an option?

I agree with this too. No messing. It is worth the lost day if it means he knows you mean business and behaves for the rest of the trip.

I wouldn’t be making him read, especially if it is a battle.

I would try to focus on getting him involved in active things like swimming. No kid likes standing in a queue or waiting for their parents.

Are you abroad? Any kids clubs or activities? It sounds like he needs to let off a lot of steam.

Btw I refuse point blank to take my dc on holiday any more as they do exactly what your lad does, except there would be two of them playing up in the queue.

To be honest it doesn’t sound much like a fun holiday for kids. Queuing for 20 mins is a long time in the heat for kids. P

He sounds over tired and excited. Maybe he is struggling with being out of routine.

Why are you making him read if he doesn’t want to? Do you routinely do things on holiday you don’t want to? Why are you holding your 8 year old up to a higher standard than you? He is on holiday, if he wants to read then great but if not why make it another battle?

I’d have a couple of chilled out days so that he can adjust to a new routine and maybe lower your expectations of him. I can guarantee none of those other kids are behaving 100% of the time.

It sounds like your expecting more than hes capable of. I'd reduce the activities and make it more manageable for him. Lots of opportunity to burn energy. And if he struggles with queues maybe ask him to queue nicely for a few min then give him a tablet or phone for rest of queue. Increase the queue time gradually over the holiday.

We live in France and we have driven across the country to another part of the country. They speak the language and aren’t at all out of their comfort zone in terms of that. We have done stuff they like every day. We did accrobranching (like zip lining and stuff), we did a night time walk on the battlements of a castle, we did horse rides and a knights tournament reenactment… and today we went to a science museum with tonnes of stuff he adored… we relay only went because it was raining like crazy and all our plans of chocolate factory and surfing were rained off…..

in answer to the question about doing stuff I don’t like on holiday…. Yes. I have done ever since I have had children. And I need to keep him reading because he is seriously behind so he needs to keep up. He is bilingual and needs to keep up his French…. That’s why it’s important. It’s 2 pages. It’s not war and peace.

We couldn’t avoid the 20 mins queue. But it wasn’t so much the display of boredom it was that we asked that they just stood with us or sat over the road in the shade but no…. Lying on the street picking dust out of the cobblestones and throwing it in the air…. It’s driving me crazy and making me feel like the shittest mum.

Hmm. The schedule sounds quite hectic to be honest. Are you packing too much in? Mine also have a couple of adjustment days when we go away and the first day or two is often shit.

He’s not like this normally?

It's day 3 of the holiday after 2 full on days of driving and you've packed loads in. Seriously I would just go chill at the beach tomorrow and ditch any high brow activity and long queue. Take a picnic.

He is and isn’t like normally. He is an 8yr old boy so…… focus and quiet and waiting around isn’t his strong point but this is extreme. It’s like open defiance. If I say please can you just wait for 2 minutes here with me, he will end up 10m away from me crossing a road. Yesterday he stood in front of a car trying to get past us and when I told him to move to the side he inched to the right…. The car was going super slowly but was not stopping as he was an awkward slope and kept coming and I was trying to keep his younger brother from falling off the wall. And there he is saying ‘it can get past!’ It couldn’t. My husband is flip flopping between being firm, being ineffective and then exploding which is no fun for anyone.

i think tomorrow we will find a playground for the morning and then have an afternoon on the beach making sand castles and rock pooling. And see if they sorts him out.

I can't take a packed schedule every day of a holiday. I struggle if I don't have at least half a weekend day at home.😆

Maybe break up the exciting stuff with a quiet day where you go for a picnic with some games or puzzle books but no actual plan or schedule. Sometimes we need time to decompress.

You’re 3 days in, and on top of a huge drive you’ve packed in zip lining, horse riding, knight re-enactments, and a night time walk (so probably late to bed?) My eldest is hard work when she is tired, sounds like he is over tired.

My best strategy for coping is asking myself who the behaviour is hurting. So he was laid in the road, he was unsafe as it was pedestrianised, he wasn’t annoying other people, he was calm and you knew where he was. So really the only issue is that you felt judged by others due to his behaviour, and that made you want to modify it.

Pick your battles, if he isn’t unsafe and he isn’t actually doing anything wrong then your feelings are your problem not his, and they’re for you to solve.

Wasn’t unsafe*

Can you get him to read other things? Like when you go to a restaurant or a cafe ask him to read the menu and then guess what all of you are having?

I feel exhausted by your schedule :). Don't give up on the holiday. It sounds like he's loving it. I would definitely do a few chill days on the beach though and I agree with the first responding poster re consequences!

Good luck!

My DS can be similar when he is “on one” OP, he is 6 and I’m pretty sure he has ADHD, or ASD. I don’t think he would go as far as the lying down in a queue though.

Interestingly he’s also bilingual.

The thing about the reading is his speed and fluency… and yes I can get him to read the menu but it won’t be much help on class in September.

ok have decided and beach day tomorrow and sweet FA other than that. Thank you all.and the next day we have surfing lessons in the afternoon. Today was difficult because of the rain…. Maybe a down day will help reset him.