Want to go home, day 3 of 2 week holiday.

[Stressedonholiday]

i am on holiday with my two kids 8 and 6 and my husband. My 8 year old is driving me insane. He is grumpy and rude. He is hurting his brother. He can’t stand still in queues, he won’t stay with us anywhere we go (shops, streets, museums, parks). He is 8!!! And we were waiting in a queue for 20 mins and I looked down and he is LYING on the road. Luckily it was pedestrianised. I look around and all around me there are children patiently waiting at cash tills for their parents, or sitting at tables for lunches or managing ti walk past a tree without trying to free run up it… but mine? Pinching his brother, badgering me to buy something I’ve said no too a million times, screeching, storming off, lying down, jumping off walls into people because he doesn’t look…

He is enjoying most of the holiday he says (and I can see that he is) but the instant he isn’t being directly entertained he turns into a really difficult child. We don’t usually do screens but on the way here (an 8 hour drive over 2 days split into 2h am and 2h pm) they had tablets with a few episodes of a series they like and an audiobook. Nothing crazy. They have had a few late nights admittedly but this behaviour is just so out of character….
i asked him to read 2 pages of Diary of a Wimpy Kid today. It took him 45 mins with all the arguing and refusals. Yesterday he read 2 pages in about 5 mins. He has to catch up on his reading for school and anyone would think I had asked him to do alevel practice papers.

i am so exhausted with being ‘on’ him all the time. And he is bored (understandably) of being in trouble all the time.

I can’t bear the idea of having to go through this for another 10 days…. Any ideas of how to nip this in the bud or should I give up and go home and try again next year?

Your itinerary sounds quite adult led but even so would bore me! My dc just want to be in a pool/ football pitch/ eating ice cream or on a boat. I wouldn't want to stand in a queue in the heat either. I think your expectations are too high

If it helps my 8 year old on holiday when asked to write postcards declared that he didn’t know what to write because he wasn’t having a good holiday and in fact didn’t have a good life! Oh I was furious. The entitlement just pushed all the wrong buttons. He’s been in such a mood ever since we arrived at our relaxed beach/ swimming pool holiday. For whatever reason he just was not his normal happy self. I took myself off for a walk and calmed down before talking to him about how sad it had made me and just how lucky he is!! Bizarrely we then actually had the best day of the holiday so far!!

It's relentless. Just this morning I had to mention to bring his school jumper (it's winter here) countless times, because he refused to put it on. He lied and said it was in his bag. I get home from dropping them off and he's thrown it on his bedroom floor. He's going to be cold all day, has lied, and has annoyed me for what purpose?! My 2yo is so much easier!

A beach day sounds lovely - I hope it goes well.

Is there a chance some of this behaviour is attention-seeking? Is there a change in the family dynamic with being on holiday - eg spending more time with his brother? Or less time with you?

So let him be cold...

For the reading...just her the 8yo to read the sign posts or the menu or the activity guide etc.

Am sat at the airport with my two waiting to fly home. This is the second holiday they've had in a month. My 12yo has behaved exactly like your son, but probably worse. He's SO horrible to his sister. A really bully. Speaks to me like shit. Is an ungrateful little shit if I'm honest.
I've tried everything. Being harsh, being kind. He couldn't care less.
So no advice but you have my sympathies

He's probably shattered and just wanted to be at home.
Going on holiday can be really tiring. Especially if parents are going on about how grateful they should be.

Next time, don't book two holidays in such a short time.

Op huge hugs, was talking to a number of people this summer about the pros and cons of holidays and all we’re wondering was it worth it etc because of childrens’ behaviour. There’s such high highs and low lows because everyone is so excited but tired and hot. At the end of our holiday I was saying maybe just a staycation next time, but then was thinking about some of the best parts of the trip and the special times. Just solidarity, most parents who’ve gone on holiday have had to deal with this this Summer

My ds was like this when he didn't get enough sleep. I know on holiday it's difficult because you want to eat out and make the most of the evening but it does sound as if he needs a couple of early nights. Is that something you could arrange op?

Am sat at the airport with my two waiting to fly home. This is the second holiday they've had in a month. My 12yo has behaved exactly like your son, but probably worse. He's SO horrible to his sister. A really bully. Speaks to me like shit. Is an ungrateful little shit if I'm honest.
I've tried everything. Being harsh, being kind. He couldn't care less.
So no advice but you have my sympathies

May be no help but try and have one on one time with him. The other day I sat with 12 yo watching him play Minecraft and chatting to him and it kind of made us forget a few days where we were at each other all the time. The excitement, the heat, the always having to do something and always being expected to like what you’re doing … maybe he is an ungrateful whatever but there’s no sense your relationship being ruined over it

Hi op - we just got back from a 2 week holiday. A villa with pool. We had in total 4 days out in that time. It was probably our most successful holiday so far… Your schedule sounds exhausting 💐

My 8yo (who has ASD) acts out when he is overwhelmed or overstimulated, or we ask him to do something he doesn’t want to do (even if it’s something he might like). He can be very physical in his acting out, and whilst the lying in the road might be at the extreme end I can imagine him doing that. Probably the best thing to do is to be fully present in the moment and try and unpick and acknowledge his feelings. How much choice does he have in inputting to the itinerary? It sounds pretty packed and although he liked the science museum he might have been looking forward to the chocolate factory. Changing plans can be a big trigger for us. As can general excitement. We have always had quite a bit of downtime when on holiday, chilling out, and watching a film. Although I was relieved to be at a theme park recently with another family and their kids were winding each other up in the queue. It was interesting to see it’s not only my kids!!

@00100001 It is two one week holidays, a month apart. I'm hardly dragging them on a round the world trip

@stayathomer Thank you, I will try this, but it's hard to find one to one time with either of them when I'm on my own. Plus his behaviour makes me not want to. I know that you're right though, otherwise there's just a vicious circle of resentment

Holidays are really difficult- for adults and for children. It sounds to me like he's overwhelmed and exhausted. My 10yo was being totally hideous on a day out the other day, so we came home after just the morning activity (not as some massive guilt trip punishment, we just didn't bother staying out for lunch) and he fell asleep in the car!

My dd wouldn’t have coped with so much packed in at that age. I totally agree with slowing down. Your kids don’t need daily entertainment. Eight is still very young and your ds needs time to be creative, to do child led activities and to be allowed to charge round to burn off steam.

My dd is 14 and has far more energy than her friends. She still needs down time and to recharge her batteries when on holiday... ie ‘regular’ things she does at home. These days that involves watching videos, following sports news and FaceTiming friends.

Minikievs
it is all one big vicious circle, isn’t it!! Big hugs, hope ye both catch a breather

My ADHDer would behave like that and be completely unmanageable if we scheduled a lot in a holiday. I think lower expectations of what you will achieve on holiday. Space out activities, do shorter ones. We avoid queues and busy environments where possible. If we had a busy day the next day would be more relaxed.
My boy struggles sitting still and behaving in restaurants so we do packed lunches - feels less indulgent on holiday but is ultimately more relaxing.
If we want to do a walk or museum I accept it will be of limited duration (and in the case of a museum we will walk round it in record breaking speed!). Maybe it's not what I'd ideally plan but it's more fun than continually shouting at him and getting stressed that we haven't done everything I planned.

We just got back from a week away. The first three days were full on, because we had gone to see close family that we haven't seen since 2018 and we had to fit around their work schedules. My normally very well behaved 9 year old was exhausted and we had uncharacteristic behaviour. I really felt for him because to be honest I was homesick/overwhelmed the first few days too. It felt more stressfull than my normal working week.

It's a HOLIDAY and you have dragged these poor kids from one activity to another. And 20 mins in a queue would have me wanting to lie on the floor next to my child.

We spent the rest of our holiday doing very little. For two days we literally sat in the apartment watching a bit of TV and reading (together) and playing games. Then had an evening walk to the beach. DS said it was the best holiday ever, as he felt properly relaxed and rested.

I think we have this idea that on holiday we need to be filling it with experiences and ON all the time, especially if we have kids. But actually we have all been working and stuck to demands on our time for months and really a holiday should be taking all of that off the table.

This is fairly obviously down to having been taken right out of routine and being on a two day drive followed by three days of hectic activity including late nights. If I've had even a few hours' drive to go on holiday combined with packing up the car etc, I always insist that Day 1 is basically just relaxing.

I suspect that things will improve massively following a day of chilling out, provided that you also build some more chill-out days into your schedule.

You doing to much ,you sound very pushy ,so he’s not behind in reading at all ,he’s bilingual,so advanced ..why are heaping pressure on them ,it’s a holiday ,back of ,let them chill ,your not a 24 hour entertainer

Tell him, you're going to buy a pushchair, if he can't stand still and behave.

Or reins

he’s bilingual,so advanced

While I also wouldn't put pressure on on holiday (there have been plenty of other weeks to do this) I have to say that being bilingual doesn't mean a child is advanced, it just means they're growing up with two languages around them. They can still have issues with reading and in fact may need support in reading in their non school language.

@Winklepick this is amazing! Thank you. I will try this! Thank you for taking the time to write that all out. I appreciate it so much xxx