Want to go home, day 3 of 2 week holiday.

[Stressedonholiday]

i am on holiday with my two kids 8 and 6 and my husband. My 8 year old is driving me insane. He is grumpy and rude. He is hurting his brother. He can’t stand still in queues, he won’t stay with us anywhere we go (shops, streets, museums, parks). He is 8!!! And we were waiting in a queue for 20 mins and I looked down and he is LYING on the road. Luckily it was pedestrianised. I look around and all around me there are children patiently waiting at cash tills for their parents, or sitting at tables for lunches or managing ti walk past a tree without trying to free run up it… but mine? Pinching his brother, badgering me to buy something I’ve said no too a million times, screeching, storming off, lying down, jumping off walls into people because he doesn’t look…

He is enjoying most of the holiday he says (and I can see that he is) but the instant he isn’t being directly entertained he turns into a really difficult child. We don’t usually do screens but on the way here (an 8 hour drive over 2 days split into 2h am and 2h pm) they had tablets with a few episodes of a series they like and an audiobook. Nothing crazy. They have had a few late nights admittedly but this behaviour is just so out of character….
i asked him to read 2 pages of Diary of a Wimpy Kid today. It took him 45 mins with all the arguing and refusals. Yesterday he read 2 pages in about 5 mins. He has to catch up on his reading for school and anyone would think I had asked him to do alevel practice papers.

i am so exhausted with being ‘on’ him all the time. And he is bored (understandably) of being in trouble all the time.

I can’t bear the idea of having to go through this for another 10 days…. Any ideas of how to nip this in the bud or should I give up and go home and try again next year?

We are coming to the end of our holiday and my DC (7) was exactly like this for the first few days. There has still been bad behaviour but it has improved over the course of the holiday so my advice would be to hang in there. We also seriously considered going home.

He's too old for reins...isn't he?

But presumably you taught him to self control without them when he was younger. Is there any consequence for him lying in the road?

@Yourheartwillleadyouhome the consequence was my husband standing him up and telling him off….. we’ve been a bit blindsided by this behaviour, truth be told. And after a morning of ‘don’t do that’ ‘stop it’ ‘I’ve said no to that already’ ‘put it down’ ‘leave your brother alone’ ‘I’ll confiscate your Lego’ and on and on and on…… We didn’t have the energy to do much more.

yes when he was little he was actually brilliantly behaved off reins. Ohhhhh for reins for an 8yr old!!! It would be so satisfying to see him jolt backwards when he came to the end of the extension. Maybe I just attach him to the old extendable dog lead we had for the dog…. 🙃

"shops, streets, museums, parks" that's pretty full on itinerary for young kids. Maybe it's too much and he just wants to mess about in the sea/ pool/ kids clubs type holiday rather than being dragged around museums to be fair.

I'm surprised at so many replies. For a kid being in the car for so long is boring and tiring. Being on a tablet would give me nausea as a kid.
Also he's on holiday but he has pressure to read for school. Doesn't sound like a holiday to me.
I think the type of holiday is not right for him at this time of life. Maybe he needed something more local and chill, so less pressure on him. He's only a kid.

You've done a lot in a few days of holiday! My children are a similar age and we would plan a slow start, picnic, an activity, play time at a park and then a leisurely return to our holiday destination for dinner. Maybe if they had extra energy we would take them for a walk after dinner to tire them out for bed.

Allocate you and dh a dc each. Manage 1 each. Keep them out of each other's physical way...
And practice your resting bitch face.
My dc know The Look and I never need tell them off in public.

No advice I’m afraid but DS7 is very similar. It’s tiring and frustrating to have to deal with him and to keep having to repeat not to bother his sister, not to touch stuff etc so I feel for you. Doesn’t seem like a big deal to lots of people but it really makes you want to pull your hair out 😳 Hope you manage to enjoy the rest of your holiday.

Carry the book. Queueing? Read. Messing around in a venue? Sit next to me and read instead.

I can relate. My previously fine 8yo DS is an absolute pain in the arse if he isn't on a screen. He gets up so many times when we are having dinner. Never listens. Just yells out random noises and hassles his toddler brother in the car while I'm trying to drive! I'm guessing it's the age? I can't offer much advice, it feels like we are forever telling him off.

I think children (certainly when they're this young) basically want their parents to be happy with them. So I don't particularly see that coming down more fiercely on childish behaviour which embarrasses you is really the answer. He's telling you something (v likely "I'm bored, I'm hot, I'm tired, I'm fed up of your disapproval) and whilst sometimes - even on holiday - kids do just have to suck it up and be vaguely gracious with it, personally i would be dot as much as I could to set him up to succeed; I think he'll cooperate if you do. Give him a break, give him some agency; and at the same time you can certainly tell him that you, dad and sibling are upset (hurt, frustrated, frightened...) when he does X specific thing, and that this is everyone else's holiday too.

I wouldn't be escalating to punishments as many are advocating. Fine to have a quiet day in tomorrow, but do that (and present it) as a positive choice to unwind and spend time connecting, rather than as a punishment. I would play the long game here - do you want a child who jumps when you click your fingers, or a child with the empathy to understand his behaviour affects others and who increasingly chooses to exercise self-control on that basis?

Primary teacher here. My advice would be to cut the reading if it really is such a battle. Then it’s one less battle every day if you know what I mean.
However, if you really feel like he must read, cut it down to one page a day. That’s a fair compromise and he is on holiday after all. It sounds as if you’re extremely worried about the reading and he is picking up on this, and possibly knows it will push your buttons if he refuses?
Completely agree with a previous poster about getting him to read menus, road signs, restaurant names, comics, sweet wrappers etc. I promise you it will all stand to him even if you think it won’t!

Eh…talk about creating a negative association with reading!!!

That was to @BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

Too much travelling.
Too many activities/attractions
Too much emphasis on reading - it's the holidays!

Best holidays we ever had with children were just chilling by a river or on a beach where they can run around and enjoy themselves.

I’m not surprised he is acting out; he must be exhausted! It doesn’t sound much of a holiday, just super hectic and over stimulating.
tomorrow, have a pool day and relax!! No reading, no activities, just a nice relaxed day. Poor lad.

No advice but solidarity fist bumps from me (and have a 🍷, I’m a couple down and it is taking the edge off….). My almost 7 year old is driving us both mad. He has decided to copy the 2 year old so in most situations where a 2 year old might act up (read: only limited by your imagination), we have the 7 year old mimicking him - or winding him up. “MY mummy! MY toy!”! Etc.

(and yes, it is possible he is neurodiverse…but that’s another thread.)

He is an angel (usually) if we are doing things he wants on his schedule. Which we did most of yesterday - generally structured around his special interest. But we can’t run to a week of that and as soon as any waiting occurs or his instant wish is not our command - well. Get the popcorn.

On the plus side, we weren’t ambitious/mad enough to aim for two weeks so tomorrow is Hump Day 😬.

Does he ever get a break from your anxiety over his reading level? I mean that genuinely? Does he have to read every day at Christmas, half term all the other holidays?

I love reading but I'd be absolutely fed up of the badgering and anxiety projection over it.

@Thepossibility , are you me?! This is my DC! (Almost 7)

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz sorry if my comment came across unnecessarily bitchy. Dealing with Covid here and under a bit of pressure. I do think though that by being forced to read as a ‘punishment’ is a bad idea long term. I do get where you’re coming from though.

Definitely try and get some unstructured nature in tomorrow, chose a beach and park where it isn't busy and then just let him loose to burn it all off. Don't get on his case at all, just let him reset. I'm convinced my daughter has some sensory issues and she will become frantic in very busy or loud environments.

You’re being too harsh. He’s out of routine, the journey sounds horrendous, I would be moaning about a 20min queue. And to top it off your forcing him to do school work on holiday- give the kid a break.

Neither of my children would cope with being that busy. It all sounds a bit frantic and jam packed. Let him relax and unwind a bit.

As a teacher, I agree with the previous teacher’s comment - give him a break from the reading. It’s the equivalent of you having to do work emails every day. Let him chill.

i am so exhausted with being ‘on’ him all the time. And he is bored (understandably) of being in trouble all the time.

Why don't you have a conversation with him to this effect?

Tell him you don't really like having to tell him off and be on at him all the time and you're pretty sure he's probably sick of hearing you so can you reach an agreement that you won't nag him if he tries to be a bit more courteous/well behaved?

This used to work with DS.