Where am I going so incredibly wrong?

[Secondchildregret]

Ill start by saying we have a tiny house and noise travels; you can hear our baby(11m)&toddler(2y) crying wherever you are.

Our second born is dramatic, loud and whiney and always has been.

He still wakes up 7 times per night.
As soon as you drop off to sleep he is screaming waking you up again.
Ive had an absolute fuck full now.

11 months of constant 7 times every single night waking up and screaming. He still demands a bottle in the night between 12-2. Doesn’t matter how much milk he gets in the day doesn’t matter how much food he gets in the day. Doesn’t matter how much or little nap time he gets in the day.

every.night.is.the.same.shit

Our 2yo was similar but we paid a sleep consultant and they were our saving Grace and taught us A LOT. We’ve tried everything they advised this time around and nothing is working.

We can’t escape. Even sleeping in another room you’re awoken by his screams.

We’ve been to the doctors about every possible problem multiple times over the (almost) last year. Im just wishing the time away until he’s moved out. We both regret having another. We haven’t woken up naturally (either of us) once since he was born. It’s ALWAYS screamed up in some emergency sounding panic but in reality he wants his dummy or something.

My senses can’t take any more of this torture.

Controlled crying. Fucking godsend.

@MolliciousIntent we’ve tried a few times but he really does get himself in a pickle.
He vomits if he cries even just a little bit; dread to think what he would do him we just left him to it.

i can’t wake up 7 times in between 8 pm and 5am then wake for the day with our toddler anymore, it’s savage, plus it’s terrible for our health

Then your only other option is to co-sleep.

My second daughter (16 months) still wakes at least once or twice a night so I have her in with me still as it's easier than getting up and walking into another room. 7 times a night is brutal though! I think it does get better I hope it will for you. Have you tried co sleeping or does it make it worse?

Agreed controlled crying. Not popular on here but I think it works miracles. Don’t leave it too long tho, it’s worse / harder the older they get

Not an instant fix, but start watering down his milk bottles through the night.

Is he waking just to be with you?
I know its rubbish but some just take a little longer to sleep through, ours was older when he slept through.

Have you tried the sitting next to the bed, then the slow retreat, I'm sure you have but just thought I'd check.

I’d love it if we could co sleep but he will only sleep in his cot on his own.

He’s still in our room atm; we tried putting him in with our toddler but he woke him up (obviously) so back in with us.

Co sleeping was great first time around I wish it could fix this.

we’ve given everything we’ve got now, it just needs to stop😬

Get rid of the dummy. It's not helping.

I'm fully prepared to be told I'm a monster, but if I were you I'd send your partner and your older kid away for a few days, prepare to sleep on your sofa, put the baby in the cot, shut the door and not go back in til morning.

I can’t work it out, he will only go to sleep on his own. Preferably with nobody else in the room BUT he cries and screams throughout the night so we go over find his dummy if he’s lost it or just shh pat if he’s still got it and crying. If we leave him in that state it just escalated to a vomity pit.

Sometimes picking him up a little sway and back down….. but he’s meaty 1🫣😣.

he went through a period of not having any milk overnight, just waking screaming and going back with a dummy/butt pat

Take it in turns for a lie in
go to bed with the kids one or two nights a week
alternate nights with ear plugs
nap one day a week at the weekend
lots of cuddles during the day so baby feels secure
build in regular rest time to do other things and have a break
call in any help you can get from friends and family
order frozen meals from cook or similar

I have a 13 month old who sleeps like yours and a three year old so I get it I promise. Controlled crying doesn’t sound like it’s worked for you or your baby so I’d give that a rest.

Try the above for a week or so. Those extra pockets of sleep really help and he will sleep through at some point I promise.

I really hope this is a joke

Honestly I’m so fucking tempted. He needs nothing; we keep going with gentle softly softly but patience is gone.

I agree about dummy, DP wants to keep
it because there is A LOT of noise from him in the day. Say if he’s eating something, and the food falls out of his hand… he looks up cries out looks incredibly sad - cries for a minute or two then gets over it. He’s so emotional

No answers really but you have my sympathy as my first was a screaming nightmare for about 19 months. One thing you haven’t mentioned but are you sure he hasn’t got reflux? Took months to get us in right medication and to get her dairy / soya free but I regret not sorting it earlier and it did make a difference x

We pretty much do do that namechange, they go at 7 and we go at 8 after the toys/crap is out away and house is clean/tidy. We can’t actually sleep in the morning because the house is so tiny everything can be heard. They’re noisy as heck!!

Its so hard but it does pass - my eldest slept through at 22 months and has done ever since though

agree with PP about checking for allergies

Oh and get ear plugs! Or go back to sleep when one of you gets them both up

We took the side off our cot and pulled it up to the bed for the night wake ups. Could usually respond to whatever it was before proper screaming and we didn’t have to get out of bed. Needed a specific cot though to be able to take side off you can’t do it on all of them.
However I’d maybe go for a sleep consultant again and they might be advise if they think it’s anything more medical?!
We did controlled crying a bit but then waited it out because she would never calm down and would vomit. But dd1 only used to wake up 3 times or so and dd2 similar.

The other thing to try would be to head off the vomiting but still do a controlled thing of reassurance/shushing then leaving and go back in as soon as crying starts again. But you could literally be doing this hundreds of times a night until it starts getting better but at least no vomiting.

In the mean time can someone give you a break or can you give each other a break? Sounds like you need it.

Another one here saying co-sleep. We had the same with ds, it was fucking torture. Dh started on nights in May and I was on my knees with exhaustion being up all night and working ft. Ds wasn't keen on co sleeping at first, he just thought it was playtime in my bed, but he got it after a few nights and now sleeps (almost) always through the night. Granted we now have the issue of trying to get him back to his own room at some point, but I'm no longer crying everyday with sheer tiredness and exhaustion. Honestly co-sleeping saved my sanity, and I was strictly against it up until that point.

I loved co sleeping with my first too but my second is like yours and treats it as a game!

I don't understand those saying to just leave him to cry when the OP has clearly stated that he will vomit. Is he supposed to doze off in his own puke? 🙄

OP, 7 times a night sucks and that was basically my DD. I have no idea what her issue was but she sleep through most nights now at 22 months. I'm sorry I have no other advice! It's brutal. DH and I have shifts on weekends to be up once she's up so the other one of us can lie in. It will pass, I promise!

We definitely can’t co sleep - he hates anyone touching him to go to sleep. Be doesn’t even like blankets so we have to dress him appropriately for the weather. Gets this from DP I think because he’s exactly the same.

We had this with my son. He used to lose his dummy and scream for it. I bought him a small toy bunny put a spare dummy on its arm so he could find it more easily. Just to be safe I also placed several other dummies in his cot. It solved a lot of agro.

i have no advice. I’m sorry. My first born was the same. Eventually she got old
enough to understand what a bribe was. She is still a shit sleeper age 6, but at least she’s stopped taking us all down with her.

Allergies are a good shout; we tried the lot when he was a baby (omepraxole, hydrolysed formula, neonate) he was the same on breastmilk and I don’t drink/eat dairy.

probiotics, lactase drops, coleif etc - everything we could possibly try we have tried over the last 330 days 🫠