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HV referred me to social services.

111 replies

HoneyNan · 29/07/2022 19:39

Hi everyone, il try and put this as brief as possible, I am a traveller, I married quite young and had a daughter but we divorced in Ireland when I was 22, I moved to UK and ended up remarrying (another traveller), a year and a half ago our relationship broke down and we separated for 4 months, within that 4 months we had a huge argument and he came to where I lived and broke the door and I called police, completely unacceptable I totally understand and very obviously a referral was done, social services phoned me, asked to call out, which they did and I was under assessment for 35 days but case was closed and never heard anything ever again, social worker was really lovely and had no concerns, fast forward 17 months, myself and my husband are back together a year, I am almost 8 months pregnant with baby number 3, my husband is brilliant, really hard worker and fantastic dad to both girls, bit lazy at home at times but I think most men are guilty of that lol, so what happened 17 months ago is well and truly forgotten, he broke my door handle with a kick and we said some horrible words and that was literally it, fast forward 17 months we are living in a new area in the UK (work reasons and better family support), HV called out almost two weeks ago, asked me loads of irrelevant questions, asked about my first husband and where he was, why my marriage ended, how did my family take it etc, also asked why I lived within the area I did and not on the travellers site, she also said “when you decide to go in to have this baby who is going to take your other two kids”, she was writing in a notebook as I was speaking, she asked a lot of questions about my 8 year old, also how I pay my rent, wanted to know my financial situation, she asked how many bedrooms were in my apartment and I told her only 1, that I was looking for somewhere bigger when new baby comes along, she looked absolutely disgusted and told me there isn’t enough space, my apartment is pretty big however it is only one bedroom, my two girls share a room and myself and my husband use a pull out sofa in the living room, we have a big utility room for our clothes and bits, she kept asking if I ever had social services involved or ever involved I said I had a referral over a year and a half ago and it was closed and I didn’t hear anymore, she told me she was going to contact social services to tie up and loose ends and make sure it was the truth, before she got up to leave she said to me and I quote “ok, well I’m going to go back to the office and contact childrens services as I told you, because you don’t want them calling out when you have your new baby, they have the power to remove children at the end of the day”, so I asked her what were her grounds for contacting them and why would they be calling out?? She said to me “oh they may not, but probably will”, I’ve no idea why they would have to call out to see me, there is no violence or cross words in my home, it’s spotless, my daughter is in school and both kids do lots of activities, my daughter plays with mostly settled children and my reason for being in an apartment was to raise my kids in a settled environment as I have lived on sites and travelling etc and I don’t like it, I try to do my best around my kids always, I am qualified to do lashes and I work from home about 2-3 days a week, she told me I wasn’t in a position to do that as it’s already too cramped here, anyways low and behold I got a phone call yesterday and it was a social worker, she received a referral from my health visitor stating that she had concerns about my relationship and a few other things, I had to explain everything on the phone and she luckily enough phoned back a few hours later to say she won’t be in touch again that she’s checked everything and has no concerns (thank god) my questions are, should I complain about the health visitor? I feel the questions were completely out of her dept, I felt interrogated, I felt so scared when she left thinking about social services arriving when new baby is here, for no reason, having to explain things, I just felt her questions were too much, she even asked what were sleeping arrangements if I stayed in a trailer, I’ve never been asked that by any health visitor before, I have a list of most of the things she asked me I haven’t put them all here, am I wrong? I’m seriously doubting myself, I don’t even know the first step to making a complaint and I don’t want to play the discrimination card because I am from travelling community, I know alot of others play on that. Just need advice really, thanks mums

OP posts:
Londonderry34 · 31/07/2022 18:51

I really don't think it is fair to judge families on the size of their property. Am sure your home is spotless - I know that is important to the travelling community. You can live in a mansion and be abused.

bellac11 · 31/07/2022 18:53

kitcat15 · 31/07/2022 18:39

The police can’t NFA an incident..only childrens services

They can, they NFA it from a criminal perspective, saying that no further arrest/charge processes will take place. No warning given or caution other than that which might have already happened

SSD might need to take into account in their assessment any number of incidents that the police have chosen not to progress. I cant tell you how many times Ive heard 'well the police dropped it' from violent men (and women of course)

kitcat15 · 31/07/2022 18:53

AclowncalledAlice · 31/07/2022 18:44

Yes they can. if somebody has been arrested but there is no/not enough evidence then the police will take No Further Action against that person.

But only for an alleged crime..its childrens services that have the last say to NFA an incident concerning the well being of children…..which is what they have done…..tbf to the HV ….she would only have made the referral after discussion with the specialist childrens safeguarding team…no HV would make a referral without collaboration with them….

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LordEmsworth · 31/07/2022 19:08

we had a huge argument and he came to where I lived and broke the door and I called police, completely unacceptable I totally understand

Well - not that unacceptable clearly, if you've accepted it and are now making excuses about how he isn't really violent, he just acted in a violent way that one time...

Goodskin46 · 31/07/2022 19:12

I am an HCP with a specialism in safeguarding it is 100% not about the size of the property.
This the quote which stood out to me;

nothing happened in regards to my husband, he kicked the lock off the door so I rang the police and he was arrested for criminal damage, that was all, in the 35 day assessment I only heard from SW 3 times throughout, one home visit and twice by phone, done all the usual checked with school, GP, police and relevant agencies and no issues

If you said something similar to this to the health visitor* *it would have caused concern. There was an incident serious enough for police involvement, what sound very much like section 47 enquiries and yet you say " nothing happened ". This would concern me. Also you have only been back together a short time and you are pregnant again. This is often a sign of controlling behavior. I think the health visitor acted reasonably.

bellac11 · 31/07/2022 19:15

I think what OP and other posters are missing throughout this thread is that her OP came across as very dismissive of the violence, she hasnt really answered questions about what work he has done about this

And so the HV would have been on high alert faced with such minimising from OP about a serious issue, no wonder she gave her the third degree.

Goodskin46 · 31/07/2022 19:16

My point exactly

SQLserved · 31/07/2022 19:23

orbitalcrisis · 29/07/2022 20:03

The fact that she asked why you don't live on a traveller's site is totally inappropriate and an indication that this was racially motivated. I'd complain.

This, along with the irrelevant questions about sleeping arrangements in a trailer that has nothing to do with your current situation.

Can you ask for a different health visitor?

wellhelloitsme · 31/07/2022 22:13

Goodskin46 · 31/07/2022 19:12

I am an HCP with a specialism in safeguarding it is 100% not about the size of the property.
This the quote which stood out to me;

nothing happened in regards to my husband, he kicked the lock off the door so I rang the police and he was arrested for criminal damage, that was all, in the 35 day assessment I only heard from SW 3 times throughout, one home visit and twice by phone, done all the usual checked with school, GP, police and relevant agencies and no issues

If you said something similar to this to the health visitor* *it would have caused concern. There was an incident serious enough for police involvement, what sound very much like section 47 enquiries and yet you say " nothing happened ". This would concern me. Also you have only been back together a short time and you are pregnant again. This is often a sign of controlling behavior. I think the health visitor acted reasonably.

This.

Some of her questions may be oversteps but her core concerns are understandable and would have made many HVs ears prick up regardless of the couple's background outside of their relationship.

As this poster said, the way OP described what her husband did sounded very much like minimising violence.

HerrenaHarridan · 31/07/2022 22:40

SingingInParadise · 29/07/2022 20:24

I think the HV had a lot of preconceived ideas about travellers, some of which I suspect are pretty negative. I also suspect she didn’t believe you when you said SS had closed the previous case and you were living in that flat to be close to your family (I imagine she also assume those family members were on the travellers site).

I agree with a PP. I would ask to be assigned to another HV rather than the one you saw.
But you need to remember that midwife and HV are using those first meetings to assess if women need support. There are A LOT of nosy questions going in, all on the ground of supporting women and protecting the baby. Some women have seen the midwife going to check the recycling bin for example to check if the statement ‘no we don’t drink a lot at all’ is true…. So it’s not all you or that HV. It’s also down the questioning they are asked to go through.

The bottom line is that SS closed the case again. Which is great.

For the first 6 months after I left baby’s father the HV would pop round regularly unannounced on odd days at odd times, early in the morning, knocking on for half 6.

Every time she would ask for a glass of water and to use the toilet. Took me about 2 visits to work out she was checking my dishes and toothbrushes for signs I might be back with my ex

Knowing that falling for his continued attempts to get me back vía increasingly extreme stalking meant that I would be deemed an unfit parent also and risk losing her meant there was no going back.

Every time I tell this story people think I should be mad at her but I’m grateful that she remembered to check up on me and cared enough about my babies welfare to hold me to account.
lots of people don’t get out.

I want to live in a society where’s it’s someone’s job to check up on these things. We can’t rely on neighbours and the local shop keeper now our society’s so much bigger. Proper social care is what civilisation looks like.

im sorry it felt intrusive and horrible op but I’m glad she came and checked on your kids and I’m even more glad they’re ok ❤️

Unconcioussleep · 01/08/2022 10:33

HoneyNan · 30/07/2022 22:32

Hey,
yes she walks with her feet turned in and runs quite funny, she’s also extremely clumsy, HV wasn’t interested at all, I explained I am really worried, she said she will grow out of it or if I am so concerned to bring her to a GP, my GP surgery is one of these places that by 8.30am they have reached full capacity 🙄 so I thought it would be best to explain it to the HV, she starts in nursery next Tuesday, I am worried about her having a fall in there.

I’m glad you’re feeling better HoneyNan. I admire the fact that you are want to make a better life for your kids; it’s interesting that your 8 yo behaviour improved when you took her back to settled accommodation and that you noticed this and are prepared to have a more difficult life in the short term in order to make things better for your kids in the long term.

i think your youngest daughter’s condition might be due to dyspraxia, sorry. The way she turns her feet might be her trying to balance herself. The lack of spatial awareness (clumsiness) also suggests this. You might also find that she has difficulty with writing.

Try to get a diagnosis

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