Are we really supposed to “enjoy” this?

[Newmummy2225]

My DD is nearly 6 months old and I just don’t think being a mummy to a baby is my bag!

I don’t enjoy stressing about naps, I don’t enjoy being spit up on all the damn time, I don’t enjoy it when she is grumpy and whining, I don’t enjoy having to plan my whole day around feeds and naps, I don’t enjoy not being able to go anywhere in the evening cos she’s a tired grumpy mess by then and it’s just not worth it!

Having said all of the above, there are lovely moments every day; the way she smiles at me / her giggles absolutely melt my heart and watching her learn/develop is pretty amazing, but I honestly can’t wait for her to be older and able to communicate etc. I look at families out and about having a lovely time with their older kids and feel insane jealousy.

Am i a bad mummy for feeling this way? I know everyone says the baby stage is short, but oooof some days are long.

You’re not a bad Mum. I hated being a mother to a small child. Loathed it. So much so, I only had one.

You can love your child but hate the job of being a mother. The more women who speak up about it, the better for all of us!

I remember reading a congratulations card that someone had written after the birth of DS1 , it said 'enjoy him', and I just thought the same. Is this meant be enjoyable? I put him in nursery and went back to work part time at four months and enjoyed it a lot lot more thereafter. Felt 100% better. Went back at five months with DS2 two years later.
They're now 19 and 17 and I still think those early days at home were the most challenging of all.
Never a single regret about my early return to work. And my pension looks great.

Weaning is the worst bit.

The years are short but the days are long! That's what they say! It is hard work but then you blink and they're going to high school x

It's like everything in life, innit? Some people enjoy it, some people have different experiences, easier babies, different temperaments, personalities, levels of support. There are so many variables.

I think expecting everyone to have the same level of enjoyment out of anything isn't realistic.

I felt exactly the same. Started enjoying it a lot more at about 8/9 months - DS was much more interested in everything, and much more rewarding company as he got older. 15 months now and I’m still enjoying it much more than the earlier days.

I am definitely one and done too! No way I could endure this again! And she’s never even been super difficult, no colic or anything - I don’t know how those parents cope!

I remember talking to another new parent along the lines of 'people say this time flies by but each day feels never-ending.'

You are through what I think is the hardest bit. You're now in the bit where you start to see their personality come through more. Do what you need to to get through it. My kids are now 12 and 8. My 12 year old is almost as tall as me and I look at her and still see the crazy screaming baby that she was. But that tedious bit is all a blur now and she is a lovely human being.

I think the rewards of parenting are a little slow.coming for some. They were for me. But I really enjoy having these independent children now who are crafting their own little lives. Focus on this rather than the tedium of having small kids x

Yep! I am forever being told to enjoy it and I just nod and smile 🥴

She will be starting nursery later this year and I’m selfishly looking forward to it!

I’m hoping that will be the same for us! I think a lot of it is that she’s frustrated! Maybe once she can crawl she’ll be more consistently happy?!

I did not enjoy it, that's why I'm not having another one. I quite liked around 8-10 months, and I found that basically as he got older I liked it more. By 2.5 I quite enjoyed it, although I caveat that with there being some really shitty days with tantrums and illness and potty training.

I found being able to communicate was key. Everything is easier when they can tell you what's wrong.

Thank you! I am hoping we’ll be best mates when she’s older. That’s the bit of having a child that I want. If only they could be born walking and talking 😂

Yes! The guessing what’s wrong is really draining! Glad to hear you are enjoying it much more now!

When are you going back to work OP? You may find it more enjoyable when it's not all day every day. Maybe consider shortening your maternity leave a bit.

@CantaloupeMelon I’m going back in November so not too far away! I think that will help a lot!

I should have added that my husband works overseas so I’ve pretty much got her 24/7 by myself for 3 weeks at a time, maybe that’s why everything feels so all consuming!

I started to enjoy parenting after they turned 2. Babies are cute but so tedious.

I did enjoy the baby part but not so much bits of the toddler part. Some of it was lovely but I found that the most demanding bit. I think it's normal to find parts of it difficult.

When she starts talking I'm sure you'll find it more fulfilling. They say funny things & can tell you what they need. The baby years are a hard dull slog for sure. In retrospect they fly by & I can barely remember them now - vividly remember wondering how mums of older children could say they 'didn't remember' different stages but totally get it now. It's fascinating watching your child grow into a 'real person' - mine are 11 & 15 now & whilst I still resent being a glorified servant, I get so much more back from them and actually enjoy their company. It takes time to grow into being the mum you're meant to be. You're def not alone.

Oh no wonder. You need adult company. Just drag her along & get out & about!!!

It wasn't for me, I loved it. It was the beginning of a long road to my DC becoming more independent.

Like the OP I found the baby stage difficult and not very rewarding. Plus it is incredibly isolating if you dont have a robust support network at hand. The older my children have become the more I have enjoyed it. They're actually good company now. But as this shows, different people find different stages hard.

Small children are not for me, I found it really hard and dare I say, boring. I was much better as a working mother.

Mine are now 9 & 11 and I absolutely love it! Just because you're not enjoying this stage doesn't mean you won't like any of it.

I'm coming at this as someone whose kids are 7YO and 9YO.

Did I 'enjoy' the baby stage? Did I fuck with DS1! He cried for 8 hours a day everyday pretty much. I had no idea what I was doing, felt like I had no one to ask for help etc and it was all in all a bit shit.

But then they grow up. Life gets easier. A parent nearly dies and you decide that if you want to another child you want them to meet their grandparents. So you decide to do it again. When you have a toddler. I look back now and think I must have been fucking mad!

But I enjoyed it with DS2. I was a more confident mother. I knew what I was doing (kind of!). He didn't cry 8 hours a day which was amazing. (And I had made peace with the fact that even if he did, he would hopefully grow out of it at 16 weeks like his brother did!). I also enjoyed spending my mat leave with DS1.

Then they grow up and you see a cute wee baby and think 'aw remember when mine were cute and wee'. You forget the shit bits and just remember the nice stuff. You know the bad bits don't last even though you're convinced at the time they will last forever! Still there is still not a fucks chance in hell I'd ever have another one.

I'm the reverse- enjoyed the baby part, didn't enjoy the toddler bit and hated the teens bit- I worked from 4 months for purely monetary reasons and would have liked the first year at home

I liked the baby phase but struggled for 6 months from crawling to walking.

I am one and done due to my age and mine has been a very easy baby. However I still don't enjoy a lot of it as much as I thought I would. The routines, lack of freedom and how unrelenting it can be is tough. I just watched some West Wing during nap time for the first time in ages and cried as I miss my old professional self. I can't go back to work until we get free hours at 3 and know I'll be sad when I do but it's such a mix of emotions all the time!