Are we really supposed to “enjoy” this?

[Newmummy2225]

My DD is nearly 6 months old and I just don’t think being a mummy to a baby is my bag!

I don’t enjoy stressing about naps, I don’t enjoy being spit up on all the damn time, I don’t enjoy it when she is grumpy and whining, I don’t enjoy having to plan my whole day around feeds and naps, I don’t enjoy not being able to go anywhere in the evening cos she’s a tired grumpy mess by then and it’s just not worth it!

Having said all of the above, there are lovely moments every day; the way she smiles at me / her giggles absolutely melt my heart and watching her learn/develop is pretty amazing, but I honestly can’t wait for her to be older and able to communicate etc. I look at families out and about having a lovely time with their older kids and feel insane jealousy.

Am i a bad mummy for feeling this way? I know everyone says the baby stage is short, but oooof some days are long.

The baby bit isn't everyone's bag. I enjoyed them more as babies after 10 months when they got more communicative and started exploring a bit - but no, you're not meant to enjoy every minute of parenting, or even most of it necessarily. But the moments make it!

At that age we did naps whenever they came, babies went to bed at like 11pm, spit up on you? From what?!

Forget all the books and all the BS and just mother your child. Relax 🙂 trust me, the more you stress the more you're going to dislike it and get in a bad zone 😔

I didn't much. Babies are cute when not yowling or covered in mess but terrifically boring, exhausting and repetitive at first. Just get through the first year or two and humour their many needs and eventually they become funny little people.

I didn't enjoy the baby phase either. It's just not for me. Remember to take care of your own needs as best you can, and this too shall pass. I've really enjoyed parenting from the ages of about 2-3 onwards. Toddlers are a doddle for me in comparison to the gruelling relentlessness of "guess what's wrong with the baby". At 3 and 5 I'm enjoying them so much that I'm considering stepping back from the career I love, to make the most of the time with them.

Wow so many responses! So so glad I’m not alone! I was sure I was an alien! Thanks for all the words of encouragement! I will re-read this thread on my next bad day!

Ironically, today has been a breeze. She had a 2 hour lunch time nap and was therefore pretty cheery the rest of the day! Go figure!

My baby is not the kind to just drift off, unless in the car or buggy. She needs to be put down in her cot, so that’s why naps are a bit of a prison!

Spit up - milky spit ups! What did you think I meant? 🤣

I appreciate your gesture, but being told to relax isn’t effective. I can’t change the way I am I’m afraid.

Don’t feel bad OP. I reckon loads of people feel like this, me included. The baby stage is trench warfare, particularly when you work and have more than one. It’s not for everyone. I much prefer it now everyone can wipe their own bum and talk back to me.

I was a nervous wreck when mine were babies. Isolated and no support. I cried a lot. I would never do it again.
They are children and teens now and its the absolute best x

First 6 months are awful, worst bit, it gets gradually better, 18 months is a turning point when you start to see personality and can have conversations.

I didn't enjoy being a mum to a baby. I felt frustrated and powerless trying to work out what he wanted as he whinged a lot. I hated guessing what was wrong when he was crying. I did everything I was supposed to, enjoyed the same things yo have stated, but overall I wasn't a fan.

He's 2 now and this age is brilliant. He makes me laugh everyday, his speaking is very good so he can now tell me what's going. Tonight at dinner, he told me "sore chin" and right enough, half an hour later, a big scratch was there. It's just much easier with him telling me things now and being able to communicate

I'm pregnant again and know I have the baby age to go through again but I know it also goes fast so will try to enjoy it more this time even if I will be happy when 18 months rolls around again 😅

That should say what's wrong* not what's going

You doing it solo while your dh is away for three weeks at a time sounds incredibly difficult.

The baby/maternity leave bit is really hard for lots of women, even with a partner or other family around, it's such a shock from your previous life yet with no time to really process it.

I remember my dh phoning one day and talking casually about getting a coffee and newspaper while he was waiting for his train and I felt INSANE with jealousy. at him taking for granted the little pleasures in life!

I felt much better when I was back at work - that creates its own challenges but at least a range of challenges rather than endless thinking about sleep etc.

I just wanted to come back and update this for any new mums feeling like I did!

My DD is now 11 months and I’d say for the last 2/3 months I’ve felt so much better!

Shes down to 2 bottles a day (I actually think she’s edging towards dropping her morning bottle too!), she takes 2 naps a day that are now mostly decent in length, she doesn’t spit up or puke any more, she’s crawling and is therefore less frustrated and she’s FUN now! I actually really enjoy her! She’s a wee riot 🤣. Of course there are still moments that are rough when she’s teething, ill or just out of sorts, but omg it’s just so much better all round!

I hope this update brings someone some hope ❤️

Aw that's a lovely update. I'm so glad things have improved.

This 💯

I found the baby stage a real grind both times. It got lots easier when they were toddlers. I now have two brilliant, funny teens and enjoy them immensely.

Well 90% if the time at least. We all have our moments.

Oh, I missed the update! So glad for you OP.

Really wasn’t my thing first time round, I went back to work early (feel guilty for that now), and just found it very hard.

Skip forward some years to having my second and I can genuinely say I enjoy it. He’s 2 and a half and I’m still enjoying it. Obviously at times I just want to not make dinner or just lounge about but I’d say I only feel that way about 10% of the time.

Naturally, I’m full of mum guilt about enjoying the second and not first.

I think it's lovely that you have come back to update @Newmummy2225 . It does show that that difficult early stage is relatively short and you do get over it. Mine are teenagers now and whilst there are challenges at every stage they really do give a lot back and back all the tough times worth it.

Those first few months with your first are a real shock to the system.

Lovely to hear things are better for you now OP. I'm at the point you were when you first posted with a 7m old, no sleep and struggling. I find the constant planning of everything so draining but if I don't know where we'll be when then there'll be screaming because of missed naps, hunger etc. Currently sleep has taken a nosedive and I am exhausted. It also brings my failure at nursing back when I can't settle him with a boob quickly but instead have to go and prepare a bottle which takes time and means I'm fully awake so even if she goes back to sleep, I struggle to!

Sorry to hear you are struggling. I really felt the same and thought things would never improve, but they did and I’m sure they will for you too!

re. the bottles; have you tried the ready made formula bottles for quickness? My DD never cared about the temp of her milk so we would use these for night feeds and it was so much easier!

hang in there, it’ll all get better soon xx

Nope, you're all good. Kid is lovely, parenting a small child is awful.

My tip tip is to take loads of photos and enjoy those when they're older!

Memory deliberately seems to block it all out the rest...

Thanks for your support, no I hadn't even thought of using ready made at night. Little one can be a bit fussy with temperature but it's worth a go. Thank you! 💐

@HiCandles good luck ❤️