Expecting 2.5 year olds to be obedient??

[SheepingStandingUp]

Like they literally just look at me and decide if they want to obey or not.
Telling them to come here so I can change a nappy, not to pinch toys off a sibling, not to throw their food on the floor in a glorious rain of cereal to be crushed under foot for the sound, not sitting down to eat, not leaving the kitchen when I say, just basically everything!!

And then when they don't how do you even discipline a 2.5 year old?

But then they'll be 3 soon then 5 then 10 and what of they don't ever do as I tell them!!

Distraction works wonders at this age.

look up Dr Tanya Byron, she has some really good tips.

But I don't want distraction. I want them to come when told, stop when told, and DO AS THEY'RE TOLD!

😂

Child instinctively push boundaries with their parents. It's if they are continually rotten to other carers then you know you have a real problem.

Anyway as the PP said.

You can't control other people and that includes children.

So you have to convince them they want to do the same thing as you want them to do.

Why do you want that? Long game is raising adults who can function in society. Just think for a moment what kind of teenager/adult they might become if they grow up with the belief that someone bigger and more powerful than them should always be obeyed.

😂 They aren't yours to control...

Old fashioned idea that a child should respect its elders but it works. 4 kids - no tantrums ever, no refusal of food, no back chat, no swearing, always been employed three at management level, never in trouble with the law etc. Children need to be trained to respect.others but also to have respect for themselves.

I'm with you OP. People can go on all they like about not "controlling" children, but when the main thing you want is for them to listen so they don't kill themselves, it's really frustrating. I don't want to have to distract my 2 year old from unbuckling his seatbelt/messing about on the stairs/hitting his sister/playing with electric sockets. I just want him to obey me. It that makes me controlling then so be it.

I think obedience is an old fashioned thing. If my child obeyed me I'd worry are they scared, don't think for themselves. However this isn't to say there aren't challenges. Can you break it down what do you need them to do that isn't happening, then work out how to persuade, or make routines.

No, just their mother. Their mother must always be obeyed. And frankly if someone tells them cto put their clothes in because they're naked, I'm ok with them obeying them too.

And whilst I see what you're getting at, we also can't raise adults who think they don't have to follow any rules unless they want to

I need them to come to me when I tell them to, to stop when I tell them to, to get down or don't climb when I tell them to. Stop hurting their sibling when I tell them to. Not picking up things off the shelf because I've told them not To.
Soo many things.

Great, so now tell me how to do it, please. 😁

Should have bought robots then! They’re too young to obey all your commands, they’re also humans so it’s not their job to ‘obey’ you, it’s your job to teach them how to behave, but it takes years, and some distraction at that age. And patience, and a little understanding and give and take, and also picking your battles, like they absolutely don’t get a choice about holding your hand when crossing a road, but if they don’t get their shoes on first time you command it at 2.5 that’s just normal and is not as important to be frank. Be consistent and realistic.

You also may want to ask this to be moved to parenting rather than antenatal tests.

@Imissprosecco 💐🍷

How old is your child? Do you really think they have sufficient life experience to decide everything for themselves?! I'm guessing you've got one of those universally unpopular spirited ones. And proud of it, too...

Thing is OP it completely depends on the individual child and their character.

This is why Romesh Ranganathan makes jokes about his eldest being the saint and the second one being more wilful.

As soon as you can get your eldest into a form of childcare do it for your own sanity.

You are right OP you are moulding your child into being a good adult.

Teaching them respect for others (not hitting siblings)

Respect for themselves and their bodies.

Teaching them to be kind (again no hitting, snatching or generally being mean)

Manners

Safety.

Everything is not a negotiation or tempting them, no is no at times.

Have simple main rules, not loads that they think i cant do anything at all so don't listen to any. They need clear boundaries and clear consequences.

If you cant play nice...you cant play.
If you cant use manners....you dont get

What consequences are in place for disobeying you ?
Kids at 2.5 understand enough to be have learn and action has a reaction

Sorry that should say 2.5 year olds know enough to be taught every action has a reaction/consequence.

I try to make consequences that fit with the request, I also used to pick my battles to some degree using different tones of voice.

Running near a road was a non negotiable, so a strong firm voice was used immediately, you dont listen, you will hold my hand / go in the pushchair. Firm and consistent.

Getting their shoes, having a nappy change, wasnt life or death, so they tended to be asked twice before a warning, then a if you don't come her soon we won't have time to do 'play a game / go to the park' etc.

I dont think it was about getting 'control', it was getting them to respect rules and follow instructions, pretty big life skills.

Mine are teenagers now and of course push their boundaries, but still tend to know which buttons they can push and how far they can push them.

Obedience is out of fashion but I think it’s still meaningful and I praise my DCs when they are obedient.

But… I understand they won’t be 100% obedient because they are not as normal children able to be. I think read up on child development.

You yourself did most of the things you find most frustrating in your own kids. Most of us did. It’s completely normal!

People often recommend How to Talk to Your Child Will Listen (title something like that). I think your expectations need a bit of a re-set too.

Good luck and don’t forget to enjoy your wilful infuriating messy chubby cheeked little darling too 😂

Tell them and show them what you do want them to do
Think abput why (i want ypur attention which you giving to baby right now ) "i m going to chsnge baby now so
sit nicely with this book and after we can do xxxx"

Now and next

Hi, OP. We think this thread will fit better in the Parenting topic, so we're moving it there for you now.

Thought that was the whole point of two and a half year olds - not doing what they are told. They are testing their boundaries/growing and trying out their independence.

As long as they are safe, go with it. We've all experienced toddler meltdown in the supermarket - usually it is made worse if they are hungry, hot or tired/dehydrated.

They will sometimes listen, but in the main are joyfully going about their business of being a toddler! Yes it is challenging, but just wait until they are teenagers. (Grown up toddlers!).

I was lucky in that mine were intelligent, autistic, and very logical in their thinking, so as long as I gave them a reason that they could understand, they would comply.
Where possible, I gave them an illusion of choice, or of making the decision themselves- for example, instead of “Come here and get this t shirt on”, which risks them saying No, I’d say “Do you want your red top or your blue top today”.
Running into the road wasn’t an issue, as I used toddler reins until I had taught them about assessing traffic hazards.
Avoiding the fire or the oven was a simple “Ouch, hot, no”.
I aimed to be consistent, so I only refused them things for a good reason. They learned to trust me not to impose things on them for nothing.
We had the occasional wilful tantrum- nobody gets through the toddler years totally unscathed! - but if necessary I just scooped them up and firmly removed them from whatever it was.
I think it helps if you have a confident air of being in charge, and an expectation that your DC will respect you. Children, like animals, can sense weakness. Never plead, never shout, always calmly instruct. DC like structure and consistent boundaries - it unsettles them if they have too much power over a weak appeasing parent, and it shows in bad behaviour.

This. Totally.