Am I a helicopter parent ?

[Sallysk]

DS is 6.5 months old

DP has mentioned all I talk about is him and I don’t want to be apart from him. He says he’d like to do dates with me but I don’t want to leave the baby and I’m going to overwhelm him by being such a full on person

It is true he’s my whole
life I don’t want to leav him. He’s my best friend in the whole world I don’t see anything wrong with this but DP
mentioned DS will grow up one day and he won’t be with me all day and will have his own life and I need to let that happe

am I too full on I thought this was normal

No way. Your baby is 6.5 months old. It's totally normal to feel like that.

Yes he will grow up one day but at this moment in time and for the foreseeable future you are also his whole world so make the most of it.

I don't think there's anything wrong they're only
Little for a short while.

Are you saying that your 6 month old is your best friend in the world?

Please share time as a family, share time with just you and DP too. I wish I had. A messy divorce later….

I don't think you can be a helicopter parent to a 6.5 month old. Yes he is your world and you are his, but he is a baby!

A strong bond now will likely make your DS more confident to explore the world as he grows, as he knows you are there to support him.

Come back in 3-5 years and then we can tell you if you are being too much of a helicopter parent.

That's not very kind. No I would say this is normal especially at 6.5 months because your child is so young they need you so much.

It's also worth remembering that everyone is different so like some parents would be comfortable leaving their child whilst others wouldn't, there's nothing wrong with either.

I didn't leave my daughter for more than an hour until she was 11 months, partly because I breastfed her and I cba to pump and partly because something inside me just didn't want to.

Was he saying it in a joking teasing way or was he actually shaming you?

Your husband is catastrophising. Your DC is still a tiny baby and it’s completely normal to not want to be separated. Your DC will start becoming more and more independent with age and it’s your job to facilitate that in the future. Right now it’s okay to just enjoy having a completely dependent baby though.

He is 6 months old, I would be concerned if you didn’t feel he was your world!

You sound a brilliant mum, OP. I doubt there’s many mums want to leave their 6 months old for a date!

@maslinpan yes I am ?

I think it's a bit odd to describe your 6 month old as your best friend. Mine was still very much a cute potato at that age.

I don't think it's unusual to feel so attached to your small baby, but he needs you to be his mum, not his friend. He isn't your best friend because he can't and shouldn't ever have to support you like a best friend does.

He wasn’t rude it was more of a plea for more couple time. I reminded him that children take over

he then mentioned how we have such a good support system (both sets of parents able to care for DS, we are lucky I’ll admit) but we don’t ask anyone and they’d love to have him so we’d get some time together

i see his point of view but this isn’t forever and I just want to cherish it before I know it he’ll be a moody teenager locking himself in his room!!!

It's normal! I was like you when mine were babies. They are 3 and 4 now and the youngest starts preschool soon... I am SO ready! But we did have a chat yesterday about how we will still be best friends 🥰

Is DP DSs fathrr? He sounds jealous?

You can't be a helicopter parent to a 6 month old. Come back and ask when they're walking!

It is normal for your baby to be your whole world. But your best friend? That is an odd thing to say. Are you perhaps a little isolated? Maybe some mum and baby groups might be an idea?

You also need to nurture your relationship with your ds's df.... Being in a happy environment is good for your ds and you both too! There isn't just you and ds...

What you’re experiencing is totally normal but I would listen to your husband here.

He wants time as a couple which is totally normal too and given you have a great support system then you could just have a few hours together and let a GP look after your child. Parenthood is a looooong time and it’s important to also spend time together as a couple.

Your child being your world and loving spending time with him is totally normal but spending time as a couple is lovely too

I rarely left any of my 3 when they were under 1. Once they became toddlers I was more relaxed about leaving them for couple time. I do think it can be hard for men to understand the emotions behind it. Talk to your partner, he's not wrong to miss being with you on your own but he shouldn't pressure you when you're not ready.

Your husband is telling you that he desperately wants a bit of your time and attention, and you're basically telling him tough shit, baby is more important.

In my opinion, this is a huge mistake.

I think you both are using ott terminology. He is too young to be considered helicopter parent. It he is your "best friend"? Really?

I would be very concerned about anyone who says that about a6 month old. The fact that spending time with him is the thing you over the most is understandable, but he's not your friend. And no one person can be everything for anyone, especially not a 6 month old.

You sound obsessed. If your ds is all you have in your life, then your dh has a point. I get you might not want to go way for a weekend, but a quick dinner with your husband or coffee with a friend seems like a good idea.

There are points on both sides , but I’m with your DP here in the main.

It is not normal to describe your baby as your best friend.

Talking just about your baby is not normal. It’s obsessive and boring.

I don't think anyone can be a 'helicopter parent' when it comes to a baby! I think that applies more to not letting an older child take any risks at a playground, that kind of thing.

You're just a mummy who wants to enjoy her baby! A 'plea for more couple time' would not have gone down well with me at all at 6.5 months, what a tiny age.

We first went out on a date when ds was 16.5 months and that was right for us. I was ready for it at 12 months but dh wasn't so rather than issuing 'pleas' and pressuring him I waited patiently and compromised. Your dh needs to be more understanding.

A baby isn’t your best friend.

Your DP needs you to spend time with them.

Maybe it’s time to work on what’s actually going on rather than the game that seems to be playing out of “this is what’s happening” “no, this is what’s happening” etc.

It is normal to not want to be apart from your baby but I think a little bit of couple time might do you good! Your relationship is the foundation of your DS’ family and it’s worth nurturing.

It's not an 'either or' scenario in my opinion.
You can totally love & adore your child, and still love & adore your DP.
Adult time is important too for your relationship.

By 6.5 months some parents are both back to work. It's like implying that they somehow don't cherish their time with their children as much.

You speak ot honing a good support system around you, it's OK to use it now & then, even id only for brief periods to begin with.

Perfectly normal to feel this way, but you have to invest in your relationship too.
Start with evenings out when your little one is in bed sleeping. Just a couple of hours away, somewhere nice for dinner. You will find as time moves on you really will need time out, and this will enable you to carry on being the best possible Mum to your little one.