Am I a helicopter parent ?

[Sallysk]

DS is 6.5 months old

DP has mentioned all I talk about is him and I don’t want to be apart from him. He says he’d like to do dates with me but I don’t want to leave the baby and I’m going to overwhelm him by being such a full on person

It is true he’s my whole
life I don’t want to leav him. He’s my best friend in the whole world I don’t see anything wrong with this but DP
mentioned DS will grow up one day and he won’t be with me all day and will have his own life and I need to let that happe

am I too full on I thought this was normal

@Sallysk how is your relationship otherwise? Is your husband supportive, actually parents DS, does his chores cooking,cleaning etc?

I certainly don't think you should pander to your husband.

Wow - it's attitudes like this which can lead to partners looking elsewhere for company! The best thing a parent can do for their child is to have a happy and loving relationship with the child's other parent, it is priceless. Going out for a coffee or a meal with one's husband is not "pandering" to them, it's nuturing a relationship.

I really don't think it is ridiculous to say what I said about babies' sleep. Yes, some babies sleep really well. But many do not. If you are lucky enough to have a six or seven month old baby who sleeps through the evening so you can go out, that must be wonderful. I do see that.

Seriously, do you think GPs can't cope with a baby who doesn't sleep??

Why would they be kidding? My baby slept through from eight weeks. Lots of babies do. We just don’t tend to broadcast it because….you know. By 6.5m it’s surely much more common?

Anyway, OP, I’m sure how you feel is pretty common but I don’t relate. But I went back to work at 4m because while I love my child dearly, it was not for me to do a whole year’s mat leave.

You have a good network of childcare support. You and your marriage haven’t ceased to exist/served their purpose now that your ‘best friend’ has come along. Don’t forget that.

I think it unusual for babies aged six months to sleep through from early evening, right through the night. That's different from them sleeping through the night. Which, yes, I've been told often happens for a few months when they're little, before they struggle again.

I don't see what maternity leave has to do with it. My DP went back at 5.5 months, but she (and I) still wouldn't have wanted to leave the baby with someone else just then. There's no right answer here - but I don't understand why the general consensus on this thread seems to be that if the OP feels one way and her DP another, it is her DP who gets the casting vote?

Btw, this is the NHS guidance about babies and sleep: www.nhs.uk/conditions/baby/caring-for-a-newborn/helping-your-baby-to-sleep/]]

It is pretty clear that most babies do not sleep through until 6 months, and that it's not unusual that some don't sleep through after that. I think if you have a baby who sleeps through at 8 weeks, even if you know other people whose babies did the same, it is probably important to acknowledge you were very lucky and you can't really comment on normal babies and normal sleep deprivation in any informed way.

Could you put the baby down to sleep then go out with someone watching him?
I didn’t like leaving my kids at that age with the in-laws because I can’t trust them. It’s the same now. When we all stay at there’s they put on inappropriate TV and need to be told to turn it off. They let them play on the ride on lawn mower unsupervised and ignore them when they hurt them selfs and are screaming! There’s loads more examples.

My sister has four children. All BF, all slept through from 2/3 months. All but one of my friend’s babies slept through well before six months. I know some babies struggle, but plenty don’t.

Anyway, we’re getting away from the point.

Incidentally, no one is suggesting that the partner be given ‘casting vote’ because he’s a man, just that the OP might want to remember that she’s in a relationship, and her husband wanting them to leave their baby with a grandparent for an hour to go for lunch is hardly unreasonable.

I also think you should listen to your husband. I have a partner that isn’t particularly interested in spending time as a couple, I’m sick of putting all the effort in making arrangements so have stopped. We’re now just room mates and life is always about the kids. He just annoys me now.

FFS!! Pandering? Seriously!!!

Six months is a long time to be ignored and feel pushed out by one's partner. Even if the reason for it is a much loved (by both parents) baby.

It's not just about going out and having coupe time, is it? It should be possible to have conversations that are not about the baby. It should be possible to express to each other that you're still loved and valued as a partner and enjoy each other's company.

To call it 'pandering' to him is just ridiculous.

I think your DH is being unfair to say those things about the future. I hope it comes from a place of care and not control.

You do however seem very full on. Not sure helicopter is the right way to put it.

It is hard to leave a baby, especially the first one in my experience, but it would hopefully do you some good. A bit of tv with your MIL won't hurt for an hour or two!

I agree with the poster who said that your relationship with your dh is the foundation of your family. Your baby will benefit from this relationship being strong.
I think this is a great age to leave the baby for an hour with grandparents. If they sit him in front of TV, honestly? He'll be fine. It is one hour. Grandparents are a wonderful thing for your son, and beginning that process of them building their relationship with him is great too.

Have a look at when he is easiest. Mine woudl have been easier to leave at lunchtime rather than evening as they cluster bf during the evening. But every baby is different.

Your relationship with the baby is great, strong and loving. Wonderful. But there comes a time to look round and say, OK, I'd like to spend time with dh too.

Helicopter parent is the wrong term here - it implies a parent who doesn't let their kid be independent, make mistakes, take risks or responsibility (hard with such a young child as they don't have those capacities yet). I'd think of a helicopter parent as one that pulled their kid off the climbing frame in case he got hurt, asked the teacher what the homework is rather than let him write it in his planner, etc.
However it is important to make time to be a couple as well as a parent. t doesn't have to be a whole weekend away - a meal or a coffee out, film night etc can bring the spark back and prevent resentment setting in.

OP, I know a lot of this is probably coming from hormones, but you do need to remember that you are a family - your baby came from the love you and your OH share, and is part of both of you. You’re both parents, together, and also the foundation of your family. It’s not you and baby on one side and DH on the other. And you have a relationship with each other that is separate from your role as parents. As your child grows, and your family life develops, you’ll need to be a united front in supporting, guiding, disciplining your joint child. The strength of your relationship will be key in your success in this. You’ll only be a successful team if you retain your identity as each other’s partner. I’m not saying your child shouldn’t be the centre of your world, but don’t lose sight of the fact that you are part of another, equally important relationship.

Some of the responses are quite frankly ridiculous. A 6.5 month old baby is capable of being left with grandparents for a couple of hours on an evening! Never heard so much rubbish in all my life that they can't. Even if the baby woke up, grandparents have done it all before and know what they're doing. It's actually really healthy for parents to have a break.

You’re lucky to have nearby grandparents who are willing to babysit, make the most of it. It’s not fair on your DH to be refusing to do anything without the baby and not good for you either.