Am I a helicopter parent ?

[Sallysk]

DS is 6.5 months old

DP has mentioned all I talk about is him and I don’t want to be apart from him. He says he’d like to do dates with me but I don’t want to leave the baby and I’m going to overwhelm him by being such a full on person

It is true he’s my whole
life I don’t want to leav him. He’s my best friend in the whole world I don’t see anything wrong with this but DP
mentioned DS will grow up one day and he won’t be with me all day and will have his own life and I need to let that happe

am I too full on I thought this was normal

I never said I don’t want to work on my relationship. I thought this forum of all forums people would understand it’s hard to leave your child with someone else

I think your relationship with your DS is really sweet. My youngest is a couple of weeks older than your baby and I don't spend all my time with her but I feel a bit guilty about that. I think you should enjoy this beautiful love and togetherness because it sounds wonderful and like you have a really strong bond. When he's walking he'll be off and away playing so it's worth making the most of these baby days. Maybe find ways to include DH in these precious moments so he enjoys them too? He'll realise how fleeting it was when it's gone.

Yes, it's hard, but again you need to listen to your husband. He is telling you he needs your time and attention. Put the baby to bed and go out to dinner. DS will be objectively completely fine without you for 3 hours while he sleeps.

If you were begging your husband for his time and attention and he refused you for no good reason, how would you feel?

This!
Your partner/relationship/YOU need to exist along side baby.
So many neglect the relationship side of things, before they know it there’s a massive gulf between you and it’s very hard to get back from!

Is leaving baby with either sets of GP for one night every couple of weeks or once a month such a hard thing for you?
You have created this beautiful little life between you - enjoy him TOGETHER, but please listen to the voice of experience and spend some quality time together too x
And yes you will hate leaving him at first, but it gets easier

A baby is not your friend
Your dp is your friend
Take some time with him if pqrents hsppy to babysit
One hour walk at first

This..one of the best things you can do for your baby is build a strong relationship between you and your dp. That's where baby's security will come from and stand to him all his life

My kids are my best friends and I would do anything for them BUT there is much more to my personality than just being a ‘mum’.

I don’t want to go out with my mates and talk about mine or their kids the whole time.

I don't understand how you can be best friends with a six month old. My DS is my world, but he's not my friend. To me a best friend is someone you can talk to about anything and someone who provides mutual support. Even the most brilliant 6 month old can't do that.

Of course your DS will always come first, but it shouldn't be to the extent that you neglect yourself or your adult relationships. Making time to connect with your partner is still important, and is part of building a stable family for your DS to grow up in. I'd say that seeing (adult) friends and doing things you enjoy are also really important, whether DS joins you for these activities or not. You're a mother and it's great that you're so close to your baby, but you're also still an individual with your own relationships, wants and needs.

This is a joke, right? You think a 6.5 month old baby is 'in bed sleeping' in the evenings?! Are you kidding?

I don’t see why this poster would be kidding. My 7 month old is fast asleep all evening, every evening and the same goes for my niece and nephew down the road.

I am slightly confused by the responses to this thread. I do agree that I wouldn't call a baby 'my best friend' - but I guess you're really just trying to explain that you feel like you want to be with the baby? I remember when my DD was this age and it was so lovely, because it's the age they suddenly go from being adorable but basically passive, to having so much personality and charm.

I certainly don't think you should pander to your husband. Your child is six months old! FFS, what was he expecting?! At this stage, his job is to look after you and make sure you and the baby are ok - not to whinge about how he needs some couple time. If you wanted to leave your baby, that would be different. But since you don't, can he not figure something out that would be nice for all of you? It's gorgeous out right now - could he make a picnic and take you somewhere pretty? Or book a weekend stay by the beach and eat fish and chips by the sea? You'd have the baby right there with you, but the change of scenery might make both of you feel more as if you'd had a break?

I'm sorry, I did slightly assume it was a joke and you're right to remind me some people do have babies who are very good sleepers. I just don't think it's sensible to assume the OP's baby is one of them - he may or may not be, but it's not usual for a 6 month old baby to sleep through from the evening until late enough you could have an evening out.

Spending time with your partner without your baby there isn’t ‘pandering’ to them. Don’t be so ridiculous. Mind you, your previous comment about sleep was also ridiculous so maybe you just come out with ridiculous things all the time.

I don’t think that a partner telling the other partner that they would like to spend some time together is whinging. I think it’s quite nice. And doing so wouldn’t be pandering to them.

I doubt the OP’s husband is suggesting they fly to Thailand for 2 weeks but maybe just have lunch together for 2 hours while one of these supposedly beloved grandparents watches the baby.

Spending time with your partner without your baby there isn’t ‘pandering’ to them. Don’t be so ridiculous. Mind you, your previous comment about sleep was also ridiculous so maybe you just come out with ridiculous things all the time.

No, of course spending time with your partner isn't ridiculous - but the partner demanding it is. He's a grown man. He could cope with a few months of accepting that they (both of them, not just her) have had a baby, and therefore things change.

I really don't think it is ridiculous to say what I said about babies' sleep. Yes, some babies sleep really well. But many do not. If you are lucky enough to have a six or seven month old baby who sleeps through the evening so you can go out, that must be wonderful. I do see that.

I don't think you can 'helicopter' parent a 6 month old but I do think it's super weird you say a baby is your best friend, and I can see why your husband is feeling very left out if that's the case

Oh, maybe you're right. I read it differently. I can't imagine feeling comfortable trying to get my partner to leave a small baby so we could have couple time, unless I were the main carer of that baby. But I do see it's possible he meant this as a nice gesture.

I think the main issue is that the OP feels comfortable to do what she wants to do.

Well we’re going to have to respectfully agree to disagree. I think 6 months is more than enough time to learn you can leave the baby with willing grandparents. The needs of partners matter just as much as the needs of mothers. I say this as someone with a young baby myself, it’s not all about me and what I want.

Well it’s normal to be very attached, but it’s not normal to describe your baby as your best friend. He doesn’t know his own name, friendship is some way away.

Relationships are about compromise and it is important for you and your ds that you maintain one, so if he’d like a date, go on a date, you will probably enjoy it.

Six months is s good time to start a bit of separation and also re-engaging with the work, so try a bit of that too.

I'm with you OP. My baby is my little sidekick going everywhere with me. I love it! It's a great start to motherhood i think.

Well we’re going to have to respectfully agree to disagree. I think 6 months is more than enough time to learn you can leave the baby with willing grandparents. The needs of partners matter just as much as the needs of mothers. I say this as someone with a young baby myself, it’s not all about me and what I want.

I think we definitely need to respectfully disagree. The partner of a mum with a six month old baby is describing wants, not needs, when he says he wants more time. The baby has actual needs. And the mum who's given birth has wants too - so why are her wants less important than what the dad wants?

I say this as someone who has been the partner to someone with a baby. It's not remotely about me and what I want.

No, of course spending time with your partner isn't ridiculous - but the partner demanding it is.

Her partner isn't "demanding" anything. The OP uses the word "mentioned" in her original post. If dh was so into our 6 month old that he talked of nothing else, said she was his best friend, and wouldn't dream of leaving her with a loving grandparent for an hour so we could reconnect, I'd be mentioning this too.

I fully appreciate how intense the first baby/first love is- I've felt it. but other relationships matter too - husband, friends, family - and it is, in fact, perfectly possible to be utterly consumed with your adorable baby and spend an hour with your husband or with a friend. And it is perfectly possible for a husband (or indeed a friend) to mention they would like this without them being the bad guy.

If your partner wants a date you can compromise until you're comfortable to leave your little one, he can plan a meal, a takeaway, game night, BBQ, lunch in the garden, get some nice wine in for bedtime or nap time. Ask him to come up with suggestions that suit you both if he wants to plan something, there's so many options that don't require you to leave your baby if you're not ready to do that.

Ps my toddler is my best friend, has been since the day he was born. My mum is my best friend too. ☺️

Indeed 🤣.

Enjoy the rest of your evening.

Ah, fair enough - we just have a different sense of it. I think it's really normal for new parents to talk a lot about their babies and not to leave them with other people; it didn't strike me as odd at all.

But that doesn't matter really. What I think is the issue is that the OP is worried her husband needs attention. But ... her baby isn't even a year old. Her husband can cope. It's not about him being 'the bad guy'. It's about the fact that she shouldn't have to be assuming she has to make herself uncomfortable just because she was the one who had the baby. She has already done the hard work by having the baby - the right thing now is for him to take his turn to compromise.