Am I a helicopter parent ?

[Sallysk]

DS is 6.5 months old

DP has mentioned all I talk about is him and I don’t want to be apart from him. He says he’d like to do dates with me but I don’t want to leave the baby and I’m going to overwhelm him by being such a full on person

It is true he’s my whole
life I don’t want to leav him. He’s my best friend in the whole world I don’t see anything wrong with this but DP
mentioned DS will grow up one day and he won’t be with me all day and will have his own life and I need to let that happe

am I too full on I thought this was normal

Your DP wants to go in dated with you. For the life of god go. You need to put some effort into your relationship or there won't be one

I’m with your DP on this, your relationship still needs nurturing to stay healthy.

I'm also with your husband on this one. Yes you have a baby, they don't stay small forever etc, but one evening out with your partner every so often will not take away from that and will do wonders for your relationship.

I would look at it from his perspective too, yes a baby is life changing but not to the extent that one partner should feel cast aside & left out. You should all be in it together which means taking his views into account. You were your own person before the baby!

No one is saying go off for a spa weekend. It could even be as small as going out for lunch for a couple of hours. Perhaps even timed at nap time so you don't feel as though you're missing anything baby wide?

Your relationship is the foundation of your DS’ family and it’s worth nurturing.

This, this, this, this, this.
Part of being a good mum to DS is looking after other family relationships, especially the partnership you have with his dad.

It is normal to feel like your 6 month old is your whole world and to want to spend time with him. It's not normal to describe a baby as your best friend, or to never talk about anything else.

Pretty normal for him to want some date nights with you. I actually think it’s very healthy. So is trying to find something else to talk about (hard when you are a SAHM and your baby fills your day and nights).

Also pretty normal for you to only talk about your baby if that’s what you do all day long (and nights too).

But I’d say that he is right. You are lucky to have a good support system. I’d use it and spend time just the two of you. It doesn’t have to be a full day to start with but a couple of hours to have a meal together is is healthy.

And you won’t be missing much if you leave baby with grand parents for 2 hours, during which they’ll likely be sleeping!!

I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing, but an hour or two to have a date night will be good for you both and also good for the baby to be with grandparents etc. Give it a go

A baby is not your best friend. He needs you to be his mother not a friend.

At 6 months it is perfectly normal to want to be with him and mind him and have him to be the big focus of your life and thoughts.

But your relationship with your dh is important too. I have 3 grown children and I think one of the gifts I gave them was showing them what a decent loving relationship looks like. When he finally tells you to back off aged 12, what will your relationship with your dh be like?

You don't have to go away for a weekend or anything. Maybe one night leave him with your parents for an hour and a half and go for a drink with your husband or a quick bite to eat. And you really will need to talk about something else too - you'll have no friends if you only talk about your baby.

Its reasonable to devote yourself to your baby's needs. They are only little for a short time.
But....... not to the exception of all else. One evening/lunch out every week/fortnight/month wont break your baby or your bond. And it would do wonders for your relationship with your husband. Also make a point of going out for an hour or so shopping or a hobby on your own. Go hang out with some friends every now and then.

And its definitely better not to regard your child as a friend.

Sorry, I’m not sure - are you referring to your baby or dp as your best friend?

Its not uncommon for a dp to feel a little pushed out when a baby comes along - before then you did everything as a couple, and now twos company, threes a crowd. However, is also very normal for a mother to be consumed by the love they have for their baby, and fir that baby to take up all their time and energy.

However, listen to what your dp us trying to say. Ie, he’s wants to spend time with you,. You can keep it simple at first - a film and pizza night at home. Or get the in-laws to look after dc for an hour when you go to the nearest Costa for a coffee.

I get not wanting to be apart from your child for too long but it is important you do have some time away from them sometimes. Especially to do things as a couple.

Are the grandparents involved?

Why not do just short bursts at first - like a 30min walk just you and DH. Then build up to going for a meal or something.

Why don’t you want to leave them?
Are you worried something bad will happen or will you feel guilty?

All the above - why not listen to the news so you can have a grown up discussion, sounds like you’ve become a bay bore.

and drop the best friend rubbish - it’s creepy.

Just go to a local restaurant and have one course. Start small. You have a mobile?

When my kids were little mobile phones didn't exist.

My first trip after DS's birth was a restaurant within walking distance for 1 hour. And I used a call box outside the restaurant to phone halfway though to call my parents who were babysitting!

He's in his early 30s now.

I too am on the side of your DP. You need to have something else in your life, and your relationship with your DP is still important. It won't hurt to let GPs have some time with the baby so you and your DP can have some quality time alone. I do think that saying a 6.5 month old baby is your "best friend" is just ridiculous, and however much you love him you should take some interest in the outside world and not focus solely on him.

I didn’t think calling my best friend was so weird but noted! I do go to baby classes with him (baby) 2 days a week. I personally don’t really have any friends I probably have 1 friend

regarding leaving him 1) I feel majorly guilty 2) I don’t trust MIL so I’d be worried something would happen there

That. It's been more than six months and you've talked about nothing but your baby, and had no couple time?

Your baby (who is not, nor should he be your best friend) needs to have parents who are together in a healthy and loving relationship while he grows up.

Just for the record, how would you feel if your husband told you that his baby, and not you, was his best friend? You are doing a brilliant job of making your dh feel that he's nothing to you now. Continue this way and there'll be repercussions.

Why don’t you trust your MIL? Surely she’s capable of looking after the baby for 1-2 hours?

It is VERY weird that you call him your best friend. He can't speak!

I’m with your partner OP. I too also think calling a 6 month old baby your best friend is on the odd side and hints at a bit of an unhealthy obsession. I have a 7 month old, she’s not my best friend, she’s my daughter and our relationship reflects the roles we have. When my husband says let’s get a babysitter and go out, I say yes please. I’d like my marriage to be intact when our daughter grows up and leaves home, the same goes for my friendships with others.

It’s too early to say whether or not you’re a helicopter parent, but it sounds like you could become one if you don’t have a word with yourself now.

Enjoy your relationship as well as your baby.

Your 6 month baby is your best friend? While I think your partner is being unfair I mean he is still very young and if you don't want to leave him just yet that's perfectly ok but then again maybe an hour or two here or there would be good to build your relationship up and maybe try to make friends with other mums might be good. Peanut I heard is a good app for meeting local mums.

That's not much that GPs can get wrong at the six month point. It's not as though the baby can get itself anywhere dangerous.

At least go and have a coffee somewhere with your DH. Or if nothing else talk about something else. It's not like there's a shortage of stuff going on at the moment to talk about.

As a PP said, lots of mothers are back at work at this point. Managing to be away from their babies and having conversations that aren't about them. So being obsessed with ones six month old isn't universal or unavoidable.

Regarding MIL it’s not a safety issue it’s more I don’t feel she’d respect my parenting wishes. For example when we visit she tries to give him chocolate - we’ve said we don’t want to give him any for a while as he doesn’t need it he’s only just started food I want him to try lots of things before that! But apparently it’s ‘so cute to see babies eat chocolate’

she puts the tv on and sits him in front of it. I move him as again I’m not shaming any mum who does but at a young age I don’t want him plonked In front of the telly!!

and regarding the best friend thing okay I get maybe I’ve said it because I’m quite an alone person and my. Baby has come along and is my whole world! So I get your POV and I’m taking everything on board please can we not call me weird any more haha x

Dripfeed! Your earlier post said:

he then mentioned how we have such a good support system (both sets of parents able to care for DS, we are lucky I’ll admit) but we don’t ask anyone and they’d love to have him so we’d get some time together.

If you don't want to work on your relationship fine, but at least own it & stop making excuses.

Sad for your husband in this case, as you seem totally unwilling to even consider compromising or considering his feelings about maintaining your relationship

Fine, leave him with your mum then!

But you ignore your partner's need for connection with you at your peril.

I would also be very wary of letting the baby take over your whole life - it's not good for you and it's pretty unhealthy for them too as they grow up!

My baby’s grandparents do things I wouldn’t do at home, I don’t think it matters all that much, but that’s just me. I let it go because I want the time to myself/with my husband I want her to have relationships with others outside of her own home. It doesn’t sound like the time to yourself is important to enough to you to let that stuff go, but it might be worth giving it a thought for the sake of your relationship.