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Original poster

Do you dedicate alot of time to 'playing' with your children if you are at home all day?

26 replies

Alishanty · 12/01/2008 12:44

Was talking to a friend who is sahm in the day like myself, her son is 18 mths and mine is 17mths. She asked me if I have any time to do housework in the day. I was quite surprised as although I'm not a clean freak I do the basics like washing up, tidying, hoovering, bit of cleaning, general housewok etc. She doesn't find time to do hardly anything but then she said she spends a good few hours just sat down playing with lo. Am I wrong in that I don't sit down for long periods of time playing with lo, I tend to get on with things in the house but take 5-10 mins out here and there to play with lo. He seems happy and is developing well and his speech is excellent. Maybe I am lucky that he is quite content to amuse himself and he tries to help me out as I'm doing things. I suppose I just felt a but guilty that I am not dedicating enough time to learning and play but then it would do my head in to leave the house in a mess all day while I did it. What do you do?

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FrannyandZooey · 12/01/2008 12:46

not wrong if this works for you

equally your friend is not wrong either IMO

ArmadilloDaMan · 12/01/2008 12:46

My bet is you are both feeling guilty.

She, for spending too much time playing and not enough time on housework.

You, for spending too much time on housework and not enough time playing.

I think the answer lies somewhere between the two and also that no one manages to juggle it so they feel no guilt whatsoever.

pyjamagirl · 12/01/2008 12:47

No they need to learn to entertain themselves.

We have about half an hour in the day where we play with bricks and stuff and then there is a walk to the shop or something and usually a story.

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ArmadilloDaMan · 12/01/2008 12:47

TBH I think the real answer is make the kids do the housework adn spend your time playing.

Tis what I do

TheIceQueen · 12/01/2008 12:51

No not really - my children are quite happy to play on their own, often I'll be doing housework and they'll be yelling into the kitchen/whereever I am telling me what they're up to.

As much as I adore my DC I'm NOT the "sit down and play for hours" type of mum.....my children are still happy and confident though.

I don't think it matters either way as long as everyone is happy

Seona1973 · 12/01/2008 12:58

My 15 month old 'helps' with the housework e.g. emptying the dishwasher (you have to be quick or he gets hold of something jaggy/made of glass!), loading up the washing machine (you have to sneak the white items back out of the coloured wash!), brushing the kitchen floor (got him a mini dustpan and brush so he could help), etc. I do also play with him a bit but it has to work round the nursery runs for dd(4), nap time, lunch time, etc so we dont spend a long time playing at once.

AbbeyA · 12/01/2008 13:00

It is a good idea for DCs to play on their own-it gives them the ability to amuse themselves, concentrate and use their imaginations.Your friend is not doing them any favours if she plays with them all the time. A balance is needed with some time for stories and playing with them but plenty of time on their own.

AlwaysTheMummy · 12/01/2008 13:59

Like TheIceQueen, I'm not the sit and play type person, although I do try to do things with my kids, my son is now 4 and is quite happy to amuse himself, he doesn't need entertaining at all times, we spend time together by him helping with the housework, or going for a walk or going to the shops. xx

perpetualworrier · 12/01/2008 14:47

we do a lot of things where he "helps", so I'm entertaining him while I try and get on with something, or I'll be cleaning the fridge and he's playing at the sink "washing up" etc, but no I don't do a lot of playing.

TBH I mean to, but find I'm bored to tears within a few minutes. We do read, dance and make things together though.

I think, like everything in this parenting lark, if it works for you and yours that you're doing the right thing.

Countingthegreyhairs · 12/01/2008 15:28

there was a really interesting thread about this the other day - I will try and find link -

everyone was trying to work out whether it was conditioned behaviour (ie mummy has 'trained'/accustomed child to play by itself) or genetic (child is naturally a loner or gregarious)

CantSleepWontSleep · 12/01/2008 15:39

I spend a lot of time playing with dd, because she's miserable if I don't. If she was happy playing on her own then I'm sure I'd let her get on with it. She's 23 months.

Lizzylou · 12/01/2008 15:40

I try and find time for both.

DS1 wants me to play with him all day, but when he is at Preschool I manage to set DS2 up with the toys and do bots and bobs as well as some one-to-one play and then in the afternoon we have some activity/outing, some playing interspersed with me frantically trying to do some housework.

I do enjoy playing with my boys but if I did it all day I would go barmy, likewise housework.

Lizzylou · 12/01/2008 15:40

bits and bobs, obviously!

quickdrawmcgraw · 12/01/2008 15:44

I have never dediacted any time to playing with dd when she was small although I did do things with her. Things like taking her for a walk, taking her to toddler swims, to mother and baby, giving her paper and pencils to draw and chatting to her while she was doing it. I know parents who will sit amongst the toys and play dollies or tea parties or lets pretend but I just never could. I don't even know why, I just felt like I was showing off or something.
Ds came and I never had to with him either because he already had a playmate (although I did like building the Brio tracks )
Now both of them are great at making up games between them so I'm glad I didn't interfere when they were younger.
I feel for other mothers when their child says 'come and play with me mummy, come and play with me' when they're trying to have a coffee.

JingleyJen · 12/01/2008 15:44

We try to have a balance of things - but there are days when spending time with mummy means playing pan drums in the kitchen whilst I do cooking.
I am looking forward to September whenDS1 goes to school full time so we wont spend so long planning and executing school pickup during the day.

Countingthegreyhairs · 12/01/2008 15:45

here it is (first time I've tried a link so here goes)

www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=67&threadid=450225#9108695

Othersideofthechannel · 12/01/2008 17:50

Spent a lot of time playing with DS, DD was naturally much better at independent play. Both at school now.
Depending on their age you can convince them that housework is fun so you are doing things with them and make it a learning experience.
Eg pass me the pegs while I hang out the washing. Pass me the blue ones first

MrsTittleMouse · 12/01/2008 18:00

I have a DD (15 months) who will soak up all the attention that I can give her and still want more! I have made a concious effort to not do that though, and she will play by herself now. I have noticed that if I'm not in the room then she will play by herself. I can't actually DO anything though, as I have to lurk by the door and make sure that she's not strangling herself with the telephone cord! It was OK to put her in the highchair and do the washing up while talking to her and singing (kitchen is un-babyproofable), but now she's learned to shuffle the chair backwards to the laundry and take it all off the clothes horse.
So not much housework gets done here!

Countingthegreyhairs · 12/01/2008 18:57

ArmadilloDaMan has hit nail on head. Tis a balance although I'm personally still struggling to get there.

millie865 · 12/01/2008 19:04

I don't particularly like housework so I would rather be doing something else at any time! We tend to go out for a few hours every day (park, playgroup, friends house, shops, library). The rest of the time we will be doing things together - cooking (which I do like), reading, playing, whatever. We do play at cleaning up a bit, but not a huge amount gets done.

Now my DD is older (23 months) I do leave her to play alone for short periods while I do something like put a wash on or tidy up a bit. The housework that I do do is done while she is napping.

I don't think there is a right and wrong way of doing things - it is whatever works for you. I don't play with DD all day because I think I need to, I do it because I enjoy it more than cleaning the house!

Elphaba · 12/01/2008 19:06

What TheIceQueen said.

I've got 3 boys close together in age so they pretty much entertain each other.

princessosyth · 12/01/2008 19:10

When ds was that age I managed to do housework whilst he was napping but I never managed to do anything else whilst he was awake. I didn't spend hours playing with him but we would go out every day to different groups, parks and shops etc.

julen · 12/01/2008 19:24

As others have said, I'd say too that neither of you is doing anything 'wrong', it just depends on who you are and what suits you/children best, I suppose!

Having said that, I used to feel a tad guilty sometimes about not playing with dc all that much, but reading this helped..

Acinonyx · 12/01/2008 19:25

A lot like Millie here - I hate housework. We go out for a few hours every day. I can do a few chores in short bursts but dd (2.5) doesn't really tolerate it all that well. I do play with her quite a bit. Much rather have tea with teddy than hoover.

Original poster

Alishanty · 13/01/2008 10:55

Thanks everyone and thanks for the link Countingthegreyhairs. It's good to know that I am not the only one who does'nt devote hours to structured play. I do think it's good for them to play on their own and it helps their imagination. My friend does alot of 'intervening' eg which is the red car, which is the yellow car etc. I do think they need to learn things but it sometimes takes the fun out of things if you are constantly sticking your oar in so to speak!

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