Anyone else hate school gate mums

[irishmumto4]

Hi, there's one mum in particular on the school run that is just so enthusiastic and involved in everything.. she does my head in! Constantly arranging play dates for her daughter with a different child every time.. it's like she wants her daughter to have allll the friends. Then when her daughter inevitably falls out with one of her mates she's whispering to other parents about said child. Just so irritating.. are there mums like these everywhere? What's the worst school mum story you have?

Ok so I'm realising most of you disagree with me here lol.. it's more the constant gossiping about other kids and their parents that drives me mad.. not necessarily the fact that school mums exists! I know I'm one, but I'm also much more. Some of these mums seem to thrive on the school run and the gossip that comes with it!

What are you doing right now? Gossiping about a school mum. Or school mums in general.

I know I'm one, but I'm also much more
😂. What on earth?!

@ScatteredMama82 What's a 'school gate mum'? A mum, with children at school who drops them off?

I think so. I think being enthusiastic, getting involved with (I assume) the intention to make a positive contribution/difference to the school life and also to encourage your child to make friendships and bonds is part of it but maybe that's optional. I think OP also thinks it would be better to encourage your child to only have one friend and not play with anyone else. You're greedy if you have "alllll the friends" or include other children in your play dates.

Yes, I know what you mean OP
I've left it all behind now, thankfully. I got through the primary school years by not being involved and distancing myself. Social distancing was a blessed relief.

it's more the constant gossiping about other kids and their parents that drives me mad.. not necessarily the fact that school mums exists! I know I'm one, but I'm also much more.

From what you witnessed these mums gossiped for 15 minutes this morning then went about their day. You've watched them do that then gone to work/home and continued to open a website and gossip about those exact same children and their parents with millions of people and actually said you hate them which is a pretty strong emotion to feel about women you don't know. Yet you think you're above these people and "much more" than what they are?

I mean surely everyone is ‘much more’ though. It’s not like we’re all handing out copies of our CVs at the gates, or listing our significant personal achievements, likes and dislikes, innermost thoughts and dreams. I just want to drop off and pick up my kid with a minimum of fuss, but if that comes with a side order of a nice chat I have no complaints.

🤣🤣
I even celebrate my birthday with the people that pretend to be my friends. I should probably get therapy.

I used to drop off, which involved getting to the gate before it opened, chucking the kids in as soon as it did and running to catch my train. hardly ever did pick up but when I did there were hardly any parents there, it was childminders / grannies / nannies so a tiny bit of small talk, collect kids and go.

I think the pandemic came as a blessing for many Mners.

I'm a bit introverted but over the years have become good friends with the school gate mums, we go to the pub sometimes. I don't do the school run much and when I do I'm rushing back for work, so don't say much more than a friendly hi how are you? Some of them don't have anywhere they need to be so they go for coffee and arrange play dates for after school. But other people are allowed to have full and busy lives, so I don't take offence at this.

I do know what you mean. Having done the whole school gate mum thing twice over, I am so relieved I don't have to do the school run any more. There were a (small) handful of friendly people in both DD's school year but that's all. 2 examples were the worst: 1 mum who took it in turns not speaking to each of the mums in the class - I was most flattered when it was my turn! Then 1 mum who had a little clique going on - I turned up one day to pick up DD2 and there was a big circle of mums from the class talking loudly and laughing even louder. I just stood by the side on my own, reminding myself that I was there to collect DD2 and not to join a gang

I know I'm one, but I'm also much more. Some of these mums seem to thrive on the school run
And there is the rub, you think you're better than these 'school run mums'. I'm guessing you work in a very important job don't you know and they're SAHM?
Perhaps if you weren't so judgemental and always looking down your nose at them they might just be friendly with you.

To me, the original OP post doesn’t even have a ring of truth about it - it’s kinda generic about school mums - and to me reads like it’s trying to provoke an argument of some sort.

I have some friends who were originally women I met through school, we got on and have a laugh - those kids are in their 20s now.

More recently I have found the mums in my youngest years to be more irritating and precious about their children - interactions feel more competitive/ political. It’s school - it’s for the children and their development
I withdrew from those mums a few years back, but meet regularly with the first set of mums I knew.

I think you have to look at it differently. Look at what the school gate means for some people. For some people it is the only interaction they get during the day so they might as well enjoy it and milk it for everything they can. For others, it's just a quick in and out and they're off. I think it just depends what it means to each person and the reasons behind this. I've had a mix of being the mum who used to enjoy it when I was at home with PND as I had other people going through the same mundane shit as me to talk to. I then got a job and was only fleetingly at the school gate and time pressures meant I couldn't stick around. Everyone at the school gate has a different home life and circumstances, some will piss you off and some you'll just rub along nicely with. Such is the nature of life.

Perhaps it is because I am not British, but I am always baffled by the numerous posters complaining that other mums are talking and laughing amongst themselves in a "clique." What do you expect them to do? Ignore each other?

Plenty of dads do school run too, it’s usually about 60/40 dads to mums at my kid’s school. Dads talk to other parents, some of the dads are friends. They may even talk and laugh loudly occasionally.

I wonder why no one has said how bitchy or annoying or cliquey school gate dads are. Or described men who have kids and sometimes take them to school as “school gate dads” 🤔

I attended an event for one of my DC recently at which I sat with the other mums who were also attending the event with their DC. We all had a perfectly pleasant conversation. It also became clear that the two women I sat with clearly get on very well and perhaps are friends or on their way to be friends.

Don't fall over OP .... I was okay with that. They were pleasant and polite to me, we shared a little laugh, enjoyed watching our little darlings do their thing. I did not take it personally that they clearly get on better.

School mums are just women with children at school. Some you will get on with, some you won't. Some will be gossipy bitches, some will be introverts you'll barely see. It's really not that big a deal. There ARE sometimes a little group or clique of women who get together and seem to think they're better than everyone else, but in my experience, they hang out with each other and ignore the rest of us so that's fine and we just get on with our stuff. No problem.

Its not them... its you!

@CaliforniaDrumming

i am British and I am baffled by this too. I expect they are jealous. It’s easier to put other people down than admit that.

YES. This. I find it weird. I mean, I try to be inclusive if I spot a woman standing alone and I'm chatting to someone, but I certainly don't get offended if a bunch of people are standing chatting and laughing. It's so weird.

But on the flip side, I'm also always a bit surprised when other parents I know don't at least do a smile/nod/wave/muttered hello when walking past. And i can't work out if I'm just terribly non-British about it.

I am not saying they are jealous but am just saying:
If you want to be part of a clique go up and say hello and make some conversation/ invite their DC over for playdates
If you don't want to be part of it - perfectly valid, you may be busy- then ignore them and just smile and say hello
V occasionally you may want to be part of a clique, and the mums won't let you in, but this is quite rare, I think. And seen in the workplace or elsewhere, not just at school gates.

I hope I don't sound like an overly invested know-it-all. It's just that I see this type of post so often.

I am british and this baffles me too. "A group of women who knew each other and were enjoying each other's company didn't break off their conversation to come and talk to me, a person who they didn't know. So I stood there making no attempt to engage with them or introduce myself. They're so cliquey!"

V occasionally you may want to be part of a clique, and the mums won't let you in, but this is quite rare, I think. And seen in the workplace or elsewhere, not just at school gates

I think this is really common. I saw it happen the other day at a pta thing. A new lady who was rather lovely imo introduced herself to a group by saying, "hi, my name is x". They completely blanked her and carried on their conversation. It was awful.