Partner hits our child

[ToddlersDad]

My partner has EUPD / BPD. She had therapy and been stated on medication and it has helped massively to the point she is not a bad mother and the abuse I was getting has almost stopped.

on the whole she is good with our little girl (3) now. She does get frustrated but I work part time so she does not have to take care alone more than a couple of days a week alone.

Anyway we are in the car driving home from the airport a couple of days ago.

Our little girl is a bit hyper active in the car seat due to the long flight and has hit mum a few time so mum grabs her hand and squeezes it until she is crying.

Grandmother (my mum) is also in the back. They never hit us growing up so freaks out and is telling my partner she can’t hurt the baby.
My partner is telling her not to interfere as it’s her child.

I tried to discuss this which her after but she just does not get it’s not ok.

I don’t know what to do. I thought about going to the safeguard teacher in her school but I know she will make me take her out of that school if they know what’s going on.

After the last time It happened I told me self I will not let it happen again. Social services did come to the house a couple of years ago after I was assaulted but they where not interested.

She has made such improvements over the last year I don’t want to kick her out (I own the house) at the same time I don’t want to risk loosing my little girl as I know she is not safe with mum alone.

is squeezing the hand as big a deal as I feel it is?

You guys don’t get it.
I went to the Gp, I spoke to social services, I told the school.
The services are not interested in helping me.

what I have done is always make sure I take pressure off my patter so she does not get stressed and I or my parents do most of the child care.

In her mind she believes she does the child care, if we separate she will be responsible for the child on her own more and that’s not good for our child.
.
She is not beating up the child but she is hurting her and she thinks she is just trying to Discipline our child but the reality is that her actions are reactive and out of anger.

At this point she knows I went to social and she wants to move out which is fine but I need to consider how this is going to work for our child.

Also keep in mind my partner is sick and she needs support, she was a complete mess until around a year ago. We got her therapy and meds which has transformed her life for the better which can only be good for our child.

It's you who is not getting it. When someone hurts you, you stay away from that person, right? Your daughter can't do that because she is just a child. So it is your responsibility as her father to get her away from the person who hurts her. Instead, what to are doing is trying to help your partner to not hurt her child. That is the wrong priority. You are keeping your daughter in danger by doing that. What you need to do is either throw your partner out or you take your daughter and get out of the house. Then you can focus on getting your partner help if you insist. Help your daughter first.

YOU are the parent. You can't wait for services to protect your baby.

unfortunately, being sick does not make you unaccountable for your actions. As awful as being sick is, you must take steps to avoid hurting yourself or others, whether that be therapy or medication or anything else. It is simply not an excuse for repeated unacceptable behaviour. This behaviour is unacceptable OP.

my dad used to do this to me, it was the start of many years of abuse that spiralled into him eventually badly assaulting me as a teenager. The hand squeeze in particular I find very malicious, it’s a slow pain and it really does hurt. Nobody should be hurting a child, when my child gets hurt and she cries it basically kills me inside, it is not normal to inflict pain on your children whatever your reasoning.

I say this with love, because I know this situation is hard, but I think you need to reassess your priorities. The child comes first, always.

You're also abusing your child by allowing this. HTH