Not wanting to send DC to nursery?

[ctd11]

My sons 10 months. I don't work, my partner does and my partner is happy for me not to go back to work (yet) as we are planning another DC In a year or so. Obviously I won't need childcare as I'm at home but I do like the idea or my DC socialising and having friends etc. I'm quite an old fashioned mum, I don't want to send him to nursery as I feel that's my job to be there for him and I'm lucky to be able to not go back to work (my opinions only not meaning to offend anyone! As I know some people have no choice)

What age is best to send them to nursery? He still needs me to get him to sleep etc and realistically I wouldn't want to send him until he can talk and communicate his needs. anyone else been the same? I mean I could send him for 2 days a week so he still socialises etc?

I don't know what I'm asking really, what's everyone's thoughts? Anyone been in the same position?

Thanks x

Then don't! You don't need childcare and he doesn't need to social at this age.

You'll know people do all sorts of things that suit their circumstances. DD is 3 and hasn't been in childcare yet, we'll start her in part time pre-school the term before she starts school.

Once they can walk they get a lot out of nursery.
He needs you to sleep when you are there, but away from you almost all toddlers will sleep fine independently.

Appreciate your reply but we co sleep so he is very sleep dependant on me. And I enjoy co sleeping so don't want to change that. Once he's older obviously that will change but that was my worry if I send him and he doesn't nap etc.

I didn't expect any understanding replies to be honest!😂thank you!

I do have a friend with a baby the same age too, regularity take him to soft play (at least once a week) so I may do the same, I just don't feel comfortable about nursery! Glad I'm not the only one! Thank you for your reply 🥰

10 months is very young to send him if you're not working. If you him to get used to being with others, take him to some baby classes - there are always things around, either to pay for or often libraries have free sessions.
My children didn't go until they got funding at 3, they are very good at being with others. Enjoy your time with your baby, you think you have so long with them, then - boom! - they're starting school!

Do whatever you like. My child absolutely thrived in nursery. But every child varies.

Are you aware how much even two days a week costs for a ten month old? My 14 month old does one full day and two mornings and it costs c. £650 a month

Mine is 17 months and I am just starting to think she might get something out of a couple of days at nursery but realistically I’ll probably leave it until next year.

My dc didn't go nursery until 3 and even now they don't socialise and only play alongside each other. He is benefitting now with the nursery structure with rules, taking turns, circle time and activities. I don't for him going earlier would have made much difference because he preferred being out in the open space running around and climbing and never was the activities type but now he is getting the hang of it and benefitting from it. I would say once baby 2 arrives and then your dc would be between 2-3 and then maybe you can consider it. Every baby is different and everyone's circumstances is different and not every child goes to nursery.

I don't know anyone who pays for nursery that doesn't work. Most of my SAHM friends sent their kids to preschool for 15 hours once they got funding.

My youngest is in reception and you can I point the kids who didn't go to childcare before school- IMO you do them a disservice not to send them to any childcare before school, especially once it's free!

We chose to send ours at 3.5 as we didn't need to for childcare. It worked well for us. If you are having another baby, you might want to consider putting him in nursery for a bit then. This would take the pressure off and let you go to baby groups etc. In this case, you would be best starting him a few months before another baby is born, so he doesn't feel pushed out.

I was a SAHM and both of my dc started pre school when they turned 2. They did two mornings a week (9-12.30 term time only)and they enjoyed it. The pre school was great and relatively cheap, £11 ish per session. They increased to 2 full days the year before they started school.

They don't need it at this age. They can get all the development and socialisation they need at home with you. Take them to toddler groups to meet other kids, read and play at home, go on trips to the park. Enjoy spending time together - they will be just fine.

I didn't send my daughter to any childcare until she was 2 years 9 months and could go to preschool.
She then did 5 weeks of preschool and it closed for lockdown, so she didn't go back until age 3 and a half. Even then was only doing 2 days a week. She started reception this year and is thriving, has good friendships and is ahead academically. There is no need to send them to nursery until you want/need to.

You don’t need nursery unless there are zero playgroups and baby classes around you. I and all the sahms near me did this:

age 0-2: socialise at playgroups/ baby classes at which mum stays -> make mum-friends there and arrange playdates

age 3-4 continue playdates and occasionally go shopping etc while child is at playdate so they get used to mum not always being there, also do 2-3 mornings at preschool, ideally with a child she already knows from playgroups.

age 4-5 start primary school, probably with some friends from preschool

Gradually transitioning the child to being left without mum is much easier this way.

Settling a 1 yr old into nursery is tricky and exhausting for both the mum and baby, usually many tears are involved, there’s no need to put you both through that so I really wouldn’t.

DS is 10.5 months - will be looking to send him to nursery for 2 mornings a week when he’s 18 months then 2 days a week when he’s 2 - for social interaction as you mention. I’m not going back to work…

3 is a really good age. That’s when they starting playing collaboratively with peers plus it gives them a year before they start school to get used to the structure. Anything before that and of course they’ll enjoy it if it’s a good nursery but they equally won’t miss it if they don’t go.

Don't send him if you don't want to! I'm a SAHM, I've got a 4 year old in school and a 2 year old and a 6 month old at home with me. 😊

My eldest went to the preschool attached to her primary a couple of mornings a week when she was 3, and my younger two will do the same.
I've loved having my little ones at home with me, we fill our time with local playgroups, trips to the library, sing-song sessions, playground trips... I feel like they definitely get to socialise with other children so I'm not worried about that.

Enjoy your little one and do whatever you think is best! ❤

I didn't work full time when my kids were little, I worked a few hours a week in a kitchen and my kids went to my mum or my MIL. Neither of my kids ever went to nursery.

My DS did not even go to pre-school, he hated it, tried a couple of half days and never went back. So his first experience in a group setting was when he went into reception class.

We socialised with other kids at soft play and playgroup and both my children are well adjusted and extremely sociable as teens.

Do what you think is best for your child. Don't stress about what other people think.
And most of all, enjoy it. I miss the preschool days so much.

Look at groups at your local library or church hall. A great way for baby to meet other children of different ages. Or the park, soft play, farms etc. just being out and about. If they are up in a baby carrier they’ll get even more interactions as adults will speak to them in shops etc.

Is that with the government top up?

I was a SAHM when my DC were little and they started pre school (for 3 mornings a week) aged between 2.5 and 3yo. I think that was a good age.

Sorry to be a MN cliche OP, but I notice that you refer to a partner rather than a husband. As an unmarried SAHM you are in a very vulnerable financial position, any chance you would consider getting married?

I'm a sahm to three kids. My oldest (4) started preschool two afternoons a week when she turned three and now goes three full days once she got her funded hours. She will be starting primary in September which is when my middle child will be starting pre school two afternoons a week until he receives his funded hours in January. It will probably be the same with.my youngest (4 months old) unless I decide to go back to work sooner.

I'd wait until 3 and find a nice preschool (especially one that feeds into the school he will be going to).

DD went to nursery from 18m as I needed to work. I would have liked to have waited until she was more physically confident (small for her age) and better able to communicate what she needed, so with the luxury of you having a choice I'd wait until later.

Remove all the guilt and emotional side of things here - you have options and that's a fantastic place to be in. Mine started at 10 months full time and thrived, despite feeding to sleep and often sleeping on me at home. No bother to them or the wonderful staff, they loved (and love) nursery and it's been fantastic for them.

However, you enjoy having him at home and at 10 months that is absolutely all he needs. 2 days may actually be quite hard on him - the more they're in the quicker they settle, typically.

Basically, keep him at home until either a) you think he needs more socialising / time away from the new baby or b) you need a bit of a break. And when that time comes send him without a shred of doubt.

None of my 4 went to nursery at all.. it’s not compulsory.