Not wanting to send DC to nursery?

[ctd11]

My sons 10 months. I don't work, my partner does and my partner is happy for me not to go back to work (yet) as we are planning another DC In a year or so. Obviously I won't need childcare as I'm at home but I do like the idea or my DC socialising and having friends etc. I'm quite an old fashioned mum, I don't want to send him to nursery as I feel that's my job to be there for him and I'm lucky to be able to not go back to work (my opinions only not meaning to offend anyone! As I know some people have no choice)

What age is best to send them to nursery? He still needs me to get him to sleep etc and realistically I wouldn't want to send him until he can talk and communicate his needs. anyone else been the same? I mean I could send him for 2 days a week so he still socialises etc?

I don't know what I'm asking really, what's everyone's thoughts? Anyone been in the same position?

Thanks x

I haven’t ‘gone back to work’ yet, but have started doing some freelance work which I mostly fit around DD but she does go to a childminder one day a week. I preferred the childminder to nursery, though we looked at both. She was about 15 months when she started and had only ever coslept and contact napped at that point. The (absolutely amazing) childminder clearly has magic powers though as DD has always slept (in cot) for her absolutely fine, and my friends whose children go to nursery say the same thing re. naps, so I honestly wouldn’t worry on that score.

Like everyone says though, if you have the option to stay home and don’t want to send him to nursery then there’s nothing to say you have to. I take DD to a couple of playgroups and try to meet up with friends with children/ cousins when we can, but I don’t overly stress it. I’m increasing her CM days in September when she will be 2, and will think again about nursery at 3.

@FolkSongSweet I do agree, that's why I was asking. Everyone I know sends their DC to nursery even if they don't work and me personally I don't agree with it until he's 2/3 when he can communicate his needs and communicate any things that shouldn't be happening. I'm a big believer if I'm his mum so I'll raise him I don't really want him in anyone else's care to be honest! I just felt like I was wrong for feeling that way to be honest!

We waited until our son turned 3 and put him in a few mornings a week into the nursery attached to a school. Purely for socialisation and to prep him for school.

I am a huge proponent of formal education, but I don’t think there is any real value in group education away from parents before age 3 or 4. We waited until dc was potty trained and fully conversant.

in the early years dc attended plenty of parent-child activities and classes. In the months leading up to the first real school experience we also found a couple of classes, like dance and art, where parents did not participate and it was just the kids and a teacher. The classes were short, 30-50 minutes and parents often waited outside, but it gave the kids a bit of practice at separation and following instructions. I figured this would be a good idea since children who do attend nursery would be used to this.

Im a sahm and didn't send my eldest until we go government funded 15 hours the year before he started school. He socialised at toddler groups and with friends etc until covid hit.

I'll be keeping my youngest home with me until he's 3 too and making the most of groups etc, hopefully we won't have another pandemic during this time 😅

My little girl is 9 months and while i will eventually have to go back to work I want to keep her out of nursery as long as possible

I enjoy the time we spend together and she does too, its time we will never get back and I don't like the idea of paying someone to look after her when I'm happy to do it myself

She gets lots of social interaction from baby groups + meet ups and we go out at least once a day so she has lots of new experiences too

I know everyone is different and there is no right or wrong but we won't be doing nursery until we have to

My DD did too. Going to nursery was definitely very beneficial for her (and for me cause I needed a break LOL)

I was at home with DD until she was 2 and I enrolled her in the local playgroup, she goes 2 mornings a week for 2.5 hours and has thrived on the social interaction there and it's been good for me to have those couple hours just for me.
I'm from a childcare background and I knew I didn't want her in nursery any earlier than 2/3 if I could help it so I think the playgroups giving her a good balance without it being too long a day for her and me. (I've nothing against nurseries it's just my personal choice)
10 months is still very young and as long as baby is getting plenty of interaction from you then they shouldn't need much else at that age, once they are walking and talking it's great to get them used to other children but there are ways to do that other than nursery.

I’m with you OP. My little one isn’t a year yet and he won’t be going to any sort of education until reception class. If I had it my way I’d homeschool him but I can’t see that happening!

I don’t want to offend anybody here but I don’t see the point in having babies to send them to childcare when they’re still babies. I get some people don’t have a choice, but it’s not for me. I have two family members who work in childcare aswell as a few family friends and they all say the same, when they have kids they wouldn’t send them to childcare either. He’s my baby and I want to raise him, not send him to a building where he’s one of many. Most countries don’t do childcare the way we do and I think there’s a reason for that.

I was a sahm til school and we went to regular toddler groups and library group...till about 2 where dc went a couple of mornings a week to a pre-school playgroup they are a bit like nurseries but usually just do half day sessions.....I think I put name down about 18mths as really popular...stayed there until school but increased the number of sessions at 3 and then to 4 days as prep for school....
Most went to school nursery at 3 but we weren't sure which school would end up at and dc loved it.....it was so good for development and for me having some time as well...
Would highly recommend if you have any local as an in-between option

As you can see OP, your feeling is not unusual at all, I hope you are reassured that you are making the same decision as many others who are in the fortunate situation of having a free choice about whether to use childcare or not.

also loving all the usual “I don’t want to offend anyone” followed by very judgemental and offensive opinions

I didn’t send my first until he was 2 and then only a couple of half days to the nursery attached to the school he now attends. At 3 he did a couple of full days My youngest starts in the autumn a couple of mornings.
Reception is a big change for children and I felt it was only fair that I eased him in as gently as possibly starting with preschool. It’s worked well he loves preschool and now loves school and is doing really well and we’ve had plenty of time to do things together.

Every child and parent is different, and often needs dictate what happens, rather than preferences. You are in a very lucky position to be able to choose! From my perspective, our daughter started nursery at 8 months and seems to love it. We've not had any tears and it is clear she really likes the people caring for her there. She sleeps and eats well and I like that she can gain confidence and independence being around others, and explore a different environment to what I can offer her at home/baby groups. I personally think it probably benefits her compared to spending all her time with me.

Just to add - I agree re the previous poster who commented about your financial security if you aren't married and are being a SAHM. Might be worth looking at as you could be leaving yourself very vulnerable.

I sent my son to preschool the year before school. I will be doing the same for my daughter. Its been absolutely amazing for him in terms of getting him ready (the routines, social rules, life not being all about him lol). He's also shown so much more interest in drawing and colouring since he started that I tried to foster all through his toddlerhood! So I would really recommend preschool for one year. He goes 3 hours a day 5 days a week.

I sent my boy to nursery 3 days a week when he was 12mo as I had to go back to work.
He really struggled and took him about 6mo to be settled and happy to go. Even at 20mo now I pick him up by 3.30pm and wouldn't want him any more than 3 days. It's the staff really, he is just a number there and none of the staff are particularly enthusiastic. The other big thing was nursery seems to revolve around a 1 nap day and my son didn't drop his morning nap till he was 17mo so when he only had one nap he was a wreck. I'd often end up giving him a quick nap at home for 15mins then take him in at 9 30am but that really cut into my work day.

I'd recommend waiting till 18mo.

Alternatively, you could look at a childminder just for mornings or afternoons? They will have a smaller group of kids so the care will be more personal and he can still have his home routine.

Routinely sending children to nursery is quite a new thing really and the evidence that it helps the average child (a lot of research is with children from deprived backgrounds) is weak or non-existent. (This doesn't mean it's bad for them, just that it's not been shown to be good for them.)

I'm not planning to send DD to nursery. We do a couple of church toddler groups and there's a forest school stay and play nearby that I'm planning to take her to soon, and the (very COVID cautious) local library are just starting to run children's stuff again so I'll be keeping an eye open for that and taking her to anything I think she'd like. She also does baby swimming. That's plenty of seeing other children for her age.

I make sure we read, do nursery rhymes, talk about colours, shapes and numbers, spend plenty of time outside, etc myself so I'm not at all concerned about that side.

My children never went to nursery. I did work one day a week, MIL looked after my two. Both of my children went to a local playgroup from 2.5yrs, they really enjoyed playgroup, that shared links to the school so they went there for story time and to ride the bikes and trikes. Happy days.

Totally upto you! We went to lots of playgroups then when they were two they went to morning preschool twice a week (2.5 hours) which was a nice break for me plus lots of the kids from there went to same nursery

Sorry but I'm another who noticed you said DP. You are incredibly financially vulnerable being a sahm without being married.

I was one of those posters 🙂

I dont want to offend anybody, nor am I judging - everyone has their preferences and reasons for using/not using childcare, but if me disagreeing with sending a baby to childcare offends someone, well that’s not my problem? It’s not my fault you’re offended by my opinion? Im not going to keep my opinion quiet just incase it upsets somebody.

The same way if you do use childcare then you’re free to point out the positives without worrying that I’m offended (I’m not, but the concern that I might be shouldn’t stop you pointing out the positives)

I know opinions on this sort of thing can be harsh, it is my opinion? And it's true I'm not meaning to offend anyone? So?

@TiredEyes1991 literally! It's a controversial topic and it's true I don't want to offend but still have an opinion! Lol

If you are worried about socializing couldn't you go to some baby groups or soft play?

There really isn't a need to develop independence at this age as there is when sending them to nursery before school.

I appreciate everyone's concern. We were due to be married but Covid ruined that :) my partner has just left the the military so we're adjusting back to normal life before we plan anything like that :) I'm only 24 so i still have time to study etc if I decide. I also have a lot of experience in a professional sector if I wanted to go back to work. Thanks everyone for the concern though :)

It’s not controversial in the slightest. Children do absolutely fine at nursery. Children do absolutely fine at home with a caregiver. It’s one of those decisions that actually really doesn’t matter that much, yet we’re supposed to agonise over. Send your child to nursery, don’t send your child to nursery, why do you need others’ opinions on it?